Chapter 302: There's No You in Team

Chapter 302: There's No You in Team

There are two kinds of experts. The kind who know their subject well enough to take it apart and put it back together again. And then there are the experts who are really good at watching other people and giving them marks out of ten.

The second kind are also a useless bunch of twats.

Not that people shouldnt be allowed to express their opinion or make a judgementwithout this instinct humans wouldnt have survived the earlier part of our development. Its just that there isnt very much you can do with the second kind these days apart from use it for marketing purposes.

A bunch of people have decided on the film of the year. Okay. So what? Does that help you understand the difference between a good and a bad movie? Do the bad movies not make money?

A group of people whose taste is probably nothing like yours or anyone you knows voted on it. They spent a lot of time having a good think. There was a big ceremony and everything.

There was a time when you could trust someones judgement because if you made a bad choice, you died. Bad opinions got weeded out. Your opinion on the safest route through the jungle came with consequences. Nowadays you might get some mean tweets sent your way.

Admittedly its more fun choosing the order things go on a list than figuring out how something actually works. Real expertise, the kind that you can use, is hard work. An annoyingly large amount. If you find someone who already has some, you should hang onto him. Or her. But probably him.

You could always go through and have a look, said Claire. She was standing in front of the archway, gliding her hands across the surface like she might spring a secret door if she touched the right spot.

Why would I do that? I asked.

Why not?

Because thats what Peter wants me to do. That alone is reason enough to stay well clear.

Having decided to reject Joshayas attempt to get me to do Peters dirty work for him, I still had to decide on my next move. It seemed safest to stay down here until I came up with an idea. The Elf might crush the church under its heel and move on, leaving me and Claire as the only two left. Actually, perhaps it would be better to go back up top.

But Arthur might be through here. She put her ear against the wall.

I doubt it. Whatever Peter wants me to do, its going to be to his advantage. I doubt hed want to bring back the guy who thought he was a bit of a dick.

You wont know until you look. Not like we have much else to do.

Are you really Claire, or Joshaya in disguise?

Im not saying we should help him, I just mean we should know what it is hes trying to do. We might be able to use it ourselves.

She had a fairly reasonable point. Walking around blind, being led from pillar to post and never seeing where the road was leading had left us confused and lost. Not much you can do standing in a crypt staring at a wall.

Claire moved her head up and down with her cheek against the wall.

What are you doing? I asked her.

Im listening. Seeing if I can pick up any thoughts. If I can make a connection with someone, I might be able to talk to them.

I dont think it works like that.

How do you know? She had me there. You havent really been on top of your game for a while now, have you?

The critique of my leadership style took me unawares, so I might have gone a bit defensive. Whats that supposed to mean you fucking ingrate? I saved you enough times to regret it.

You were a lot sharper back when we started. Back before you hooked up with Jenny.

Claire was the last person Id expect to question my relationship with Jenny. They were close personal friends, after all, and women always actually, I think I just solved the mystery.

Im not with her anymore, am I? I pointed out.

No. And look how much quicker you spotted Joshaya and sent him packing. More like your old miserable trusts-no-one self.

And what was I like when I was all lovey-dovey?

Oh, um I could see she was searching for just the right word to piss me off the most. Smug.

Good job. Smug? You think I was smug?

Pleased with yourself.

I know what smug means, thanks.

Okay, not smug. Satisfied with how well youd done.

That also means smug, you fucking Roget-reject. And youre wrong, as usual. My ability to spot a dickhead has remained consistent, its just that theyve been getting better at hiding it. Joshayas been changing appearances and coming at me from all different angles. Thats not by coincidence. He had a strategy, probably given to him by Peter, to get us right here. Whatevers behind there, its not good for us.

It might be a weapon. We could use one of those.

Seriously, are you working for Peter? Did you sell me out, Claire? Promised to hand me over in exchange for some magic beans? I was being sarcastic (in case you couldnt tell), but magic beans might be worth quite a lot in this place. Id have taken that deal.

What are you doing?

We both stopped and looked towards the voice. The others, including Dudley and Maurice, who had spoken, were at the other end of the crypt watching us. I let go of Claires foot.

Ah, there you are. Not what it looks like, I said. We were trying to get her power to work through the wall, and, um...

Non-consensual! shouted Claire.

Stop saying that. Theyre going to get the wrong idea.

She was on her feet now, not looking happy. What wrong idea? You tried to force me against my will. Thats non-consensual.

Only if I was trying to fuck you. Which I wasnt, I said to Maurice. You feeling better are you? Seem to have got your colour back. What does it mean when youre inadvertently racist under pressure?

It doesnt have to be sexual, said Claire. Consensual can refer to anything.

Yes, but people dont use it like that. No one complains about a non-consensual handshake, do they? Did you see what was in there?

Yes. No. Im not sure. It was like I was on the edge of something Her brow creased like she was wincing from the memory.

Well, go back in.

No. It hurt. She had moved over to Maurice and embraced him. Like that would save her.

The others had come closer and were looking at me for an explanation or solution or free candy. I dont know, it was always something with this lot.

Save us, teach us, treat us as equals.

One ridiculous demand after another.

You two just came round, did you? I asked Maurice and Dudley. I assumed Joshaya peacing out had something to do with it.

Yeah, said Maurice.

I feel quite refreshed, actually, said Dudley. Being dead in a wheelbarrow was like spending a weekend at a spa, apparently.

The Elfs coomin, said Flossie.

Any ideas? asked Jenny.

The gang was back together. I could feel all hope leaving me. Bunch of fucking parasites, thats what they reminded me of. Feeding off the host until the bones were picked clean off the carcass. Claire seemed to think I was at my most perceptive and inspirational when I was at my most miserable and hopeless. That should have meant I was currently the most brilliant person who had ever fucking lived.

Why even bother? Now that Maurice was back online, hed probably come up with a way to piggyback off my ability to defeat the Elf and Peter.

I looked at him, a cold trickle of ice water sliding across my mind. Hed discovered his power and upgraded it in one fell swoop. Hed found a way to use other peoples abilities. Worked out how to get through my defences. Maybe Joshayas tactic of keeping me off-balance hadnt come from Peter, after all.

When did you make a deal with Peter? I asked him.

Claire went gargoyle at record speed, her face folding into a frightening visage of contempt. What are you talking about?

I ignored her. I know you wanted a power like the rest of us, but to sell us out...

Everyone looked at Maurice, who hadnt said anything. No denial. I didnt sell out. I Im sorry. His head dropped and I waited for the walls to come tumbling down.

No, said Claire. What is this? Some plan the two of you have cooked up without telling us?

Its true, said Maurice, not looking up at her. He said hed show me my power if I let him share it. Without him, it hardly works at all. Its useless.

Claire was having trouble accepting her boyfriend had turned traitor. From his point of view, I could see the temptation. He probably convinced himself hed find a way to turn it to our advantage. In the meantime, Peter had been using him to guide us here, primed to do his bidding.

Whats behind there? I asked him.

I dont know. He didnt tell me. Hes desperate for you to let it out, though.

This isnt a trick? Claire was quite distraught as the truth sank in. But you dont need a power. So what if its not very strong? You cant let him use you

Maurice shook his head. Im sorry. I need to find out what Im capable of, and hes the only one who can help me.

But how How did I not know? I would have Claires eyes widened with realisation. Did you use your power on me?

Maurice looked deflated, half his normal size. Im sorry.

I guess she was right. Non-consensual doesnt have to be sexual.