Chapter 204: Can't Make an Omelette

Chapter 204: Can't Make an Omelette

The shriek was like a psychotic steam whistle going off next to my ear. It was so loud it actually blurred my vision. I grabbed onto the sides of my head so my brains wouldnt leak out of my ears.

When I opened my eyes again, the silhouette was gone, although I didnt think the creature had stormed off like some stressed-out housewife. You can look after the kids, Im off for a girls night. SFX: door slam.

I wouldnt have minded a quiet night in, just me and the eggs.New novel chapters are published on

The mist moved around in the glow of my light. Air was coming from somewhere but it was difficult to figure out the direction while quietly shitting myself. Something was moving around, but the mist was too dense to make out what it was, or even where it was. I had to assume it was the mother whose nest Id stumbled into, and that she wasnt in the mood for visitors.

So far, my experience of monsters was that if you left them alone, they left you alone. It was only under extreme circumstances that theyd attack. Unfortunately, being deep underground with earthquakes going off and lava pouring in from all directions was pretty extreme. I expected this creature to be upset about the situation and, if things proceeded in the normal fashion, to somehow blame me.

Admittedly, I was kind of to blame, but lets not get bogged down in technicalities.

I remained very still and very quiet. I considered turning off my ball of light but logically, whatever was down here would probably prefer the dark. My light was probably blinding to it. At the very least, it might serve as a distraction. Send the light in one direction, send me in the other. The only question was where was I going to go?

My journey to the centre of the earth had been courtesy of gravity. I didnt think it would be a very easy climb back up, although did I really want to go back into the labyrinth? Up there, traps and pitfalls waited for me. Maybe there were tunnels down here and the air I could feel meant a way out. Maybe it was the breath of an even bigger monster sitting in the dark.

I slowly made my way around the edge of the cavern, doing my best not to stumble over the debris, or to bump into one of the eggs. I could hear things sloshing around inside them.

Because I kept the ball of light away from me, it was hard to see where I was going. There was a soft glow from above where the ground had cracked open, but the only thing it illuminated was the hopelessness of my predicament. The climb up was sheer and smooth. No way was I getting up that way.

The crack looked like it had travelled the distance of the passageway wed been in. If Flossie and the others had also been caught, they might already be dead under a pile of rubble, or they might have escaped without a scratch and found a way out, won the Narnia state lottery and bought themselves a giant bouncy castle to live in. Either way, fuck em.

My movements were guided more by touch than sight, my hands sliding along the wall running beside me. The air was sticky and hot. Sweat ran down my neck and the mist made it hard to breathe. I was feeling for an opening, preferably one without teeth. I stumbled and tripped, making far too much noise as my search became more frantic. If I was in a sealed off room with Mommy Dearest and her brood, I couldnt see things ending well. Newborns tend to be hungry.

I froze in place as a dark shape rose up in front of me. It was thin and serpentine. If it was a snake, it was about the length of a bus. It swayed from side to side. Could it see me through the mist? Break and run or stay still and hope it loses interest? Indecisions, indecisions.

Without warning it moved straight for me, darting lightning-fast through the mist curtain. As the head neared I finally got a good look at my new neighbour. It looked like a dragon.

The same head, the big bovine eyes, but the dragons Id seen before had flat, square teeth. This one had fangs, sharp and heading my way.

No! called out a shrill voice. Naughty girl! Coom ear. Coom ear, right now.

The dragon stopped mid-lunge, its head snaking around to face the latest intruder.

Flossie came stumbling through the field of eggs from the other side of the cave. The dragon made a low mooing sound and swung across to meet her, pushing the top of its head into her stomach.

Dont attack Colin. Thats naughty. Shame she didnt take her own advice.

Friend of yours? I asked.

Dont yo recognise her? Shes Vikchutnis wife.

I assumed she meant the female dragon Vikchutni had mated with in Monsterland. Flossie had been aboard him when the dragon lovers consummated their desires at around five hundred feet, so I didnt doubt she was right. That kind of thing tends to stick in the memory. Although I wasnt so sure dragons got married. Itd be a nightmare finding a wedding dress in her size.

Whats with all the teeth? I asked.

Thats just so she can protect all her babbies. Isnt that right, pet. She stroked the dragons head, and cuddled it some more. There was a deep rumbling, I think the dragon was purring.

Marv was looking around with eyes like saucer plates. Dragons. Theyll kill us all.

Do they look like theyre killers? I said.

Vikchutni was purring as Flossie stroked him, while the other one chowed down on some fresh foliage. But Marv was too freaked out to appreciate the lack of violence taking place.

We have to destroy these eggs. Before its too late. She snatched out her dagger and ran to the nearest egg. She smashed the hilt of her dagger into it.

Another fine example of someone thinking they have to do something for the greater good.

No! screamed Flossie, running towards Marv. The two dragons lumbered after her, slowed down by having to navigate between eggs.

There was a sharp crack as the top of the egg fractured. Marv watched with horrified fascination as a small but extremely ugly head emerged covered in sticky goo.

Marv held out her dagger.

Get away from her, yo bitch! screamed Flossie.

Marv had the blade pointed at the slug-like thing crawling out of the egg. The father hissed loudly and the mother bared her fangs, but neither attacked. Flossie had her arms out, like that would stop them spraying Marv in acid.

Dont be silly, said Flossie. Thats just a little babby. She wont hurt no one.

Its a monster, screamed Marv. Theyre all monsters, cant you see? Are you crazy? She waved the dagger about. Nyx dived behind an egg.

Theyre not monsters, said Flossie. If yo just

We have to stop them. For the good of

She didnt get to finish her speech as I stepped forward and gave her a shove in the back. She stumbled and I closed in to plant my foot in her backside, sending her tumbling forward, straight into the pool of lava.

Heres a handy tip, if youre going to murder someone in acidic magma, make sure they go in face-first. That way you dont have to listen to them scream.

Yo killed her! Flossie had both hands over her mouth as Marv dissolved and sank from view.

Yes. Keep pissing me off and maybe youll join her. Id had just about enough of people doing stupid shit near enough for me to get caught in the backwash. If the dragons had ignored Flossie and let rip, I had no doubt the acid would have hit me.

It may seem like I was being quite blase about what I had just done, but you have to remember it wasnt my first time killing someone. There were certainly some I regretted, but this wasnt one of them. In fact, you could say Marvs life belonged to me since Id saved her from Sonny and his men. Thanks to me, shed had an extra couple of days to enjoy herself. Youre welcome, Marv.

I dont enjoy violence or feel powerful because I pushed someone into a vat of death when they werent looking, but neither would I lose sleep over it. She was a liability with no upside. Under other circumstances I might have just gotten as far away from her as possible. Down here, that wasnt possible. I wasnt acting for the greater good or doing the right thing. I just saw a clear and obvious solution to a highly problematic situation and took it. Those of you who think maybe I took some of my anger with Flossie and redirected it onto Marv, well, you might have a case. Id taken care of the ninja but still hadnt decided what to do about the ginga.

Oh, the babby, the babby, called out Flossie.

The dragons moved in on the larva as it continued to crawl out of its egg. They didnt try to assist, they just watched from close up while making guttural noises which I assumed were some kind of encouragement.

As it got itself free, the larva fell, tumbled to the floor and lay there, completely immobile.

The mother dragon raised her head and bellowed loudly. The father joined in flapping his wings. Both were clearly very upset and about to lose it. Flossie raised her arms trying to get them to calm down but Mr and Mrs Vikchutni were in no mood to listen. A tail swung around and swiped Flossie off her feet, sending her flying. The honeymoon was over.