Chapter 63: Gone Fishin'

Chapter 63: Gone Fishin'

The success of our rescue mission put everyone at ease and introductions were made in an air of friendship and mutual respect. Beautiful, right? Two different species, once enemies, now allies, helping each other survive in a perilous world. I can hear violins swelling just thinking about it.

The truth was our little union made us targets for both sides. If our arrangement was discovered the shit storm that would rain down on us would be fierce and final. Every silver lining has a cloud.

Still, we were in the middle of nowhere and everyone else was busy fighting a war, so we at least had time to enjoy a meal. The frogwoman was keen to try out the pots we had brought for her and set to fixing dinner for us.

Like Nabbo, their names were impossible to pronounce. The magic that let us understand what they said in English didnt translate their names for some reason, so I decided to give them names. This could be seen as condescendingits not very politically correct to try and overwrite someones culture with your ownbut we needed to be able to call them something.

Youre Pitt, youre Jolie, and the kid can be Suri. That okay with you?

The frogmen (yes, I know one of them is female, stop being pedantic) were fine with it, but Claire took issue with my naming scheme.

Suri is Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes kid. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolies daughter is called Shiloh. And why are you giving him a girls name?

So what? I said. Its just a name. And why do you even know this stuff. You should be ashamed of yourself, you stalker.

Of course, trying to shame the Guilt Tripper Supreme got me nowhere, she brushed it off without taking damage.

The food was amazing. If we could get Jolie to teach us to cook half as good, we could open a restaurant and give up the whole hack n slash business for good.

Shes an excellent cook, said Pitt. Its why I married her. And of course for her great body.

Jolie tittered and slapped Pitt in a flirty way.

I probably should have mentioned this earlier, but frogmen didnt wear clothes. So his wife was nude. If you asked me what kind of body she had, Id probably tell you she had a very nice personality.

Do you ever eat humans? asked Maurice.

Why? Why would he ask? Nothing good could come of a question like that.

No, sad Pitt. You people taste disgusting.

I really didnt want to know how he knew we tasted bad. I looked for something to throw at Maurice, but he seemed content with the answer and there was no follow up.

We stuffed our faces and then set up camp nearby.

The world got up and left, and a new world sat down next to me. This new world was my friend.

The problem with this, I said while giggling, is that it makes normal life a lot less interesting.

Easily solved, said Nabbo. Smoke weed every day.

I passed the pipe to the others who had been watching my transformation from grouch to giddy schoolboy. They each took a nervous toke, and started grinning.

I sat on the edge of the platform with my feet in the water, watching the fish and thinking about becoming a drug dealer. If the pondweed was easy to collect and prepare, we could make a lot of money. People always want to get out of their heads, and I was sure the people here were no different.

Imagine being the first person to discover heroin. Sure, theres some drawbacks and problems with being a drug trafficker, but think of the profit!

I turned to discuss this amazing business opportunity with Maurice to find I was alone on the platform, which was now bumped up against the bank. When had that happened?

I looked around. Pitt and his wife were in the water, playing with the kid. Nabbo had probably gone for his bathroom break. I was too relaxed to feel panic, but I was a bit miffed at the sudden disappearance of my party. I stood up to get a better look and saw them in the distance.

Maurice and Claire were walking away, hand in hand. Dudley and Flossie, also hand in hand, were near them, but heading in a slightly different direction. Two things became immediately clear to me. One, they were going to have sex. And two, it wasnt their first time.

As Ive said before, Im not the most observant of people. My interest in what other people get up to is limited to whether or not it will inconvenience me. But I really should have spotted the signs.

Now that I thought about it, whenever we split up to do jobs, they always partnered up the same way. Even when we were staying at the inn back in Fengarad, I only assumed Maurice and Dudley shared one room and the girls the other. They could have been shacked up and banging away for weeks for all I knew, the dirty little sluts. And I mean all four of them.

Did I feel jealous? I guess so, as much as anyone would. I didnt fancy either Claire or Flossie, and had never thought about them as anything other than mildly annoying, but its hard to see people around you happy if you arent. Its just a reminder you dont need.

Not that I would want them to stop just to make it easier on me. Im not the sort of person who thinks my life would be better if other peoples was worse. Its not like them not having sex meant women would suddenly start throwing pussy my way. It doesnt work like that. Theyd just be less happy and I would be the same miserable me.

Truthfully, I didnt have any problem with them shagging. Good for them. Of course, I felt a little sorry for myself, but nothing had changed, really. My life would continue the same, and at least I had weed.

I sat down in Nabbos chair and took another puff on the pipe. Nothing happened. It had gone out. There was always the cooking fire, I could light it off that. I half rose out of the seat before noticing had also gone out. The whole time wed been here, the fire was always burning, except now. It was just so typical of my life, I couldnt help but smile.

The universe always had a way of letting me know how much of a fuck it didnt give about me. Dont be sad, it seemed to say. Things might seem bad now, but they could always be a little bit worse. Let me show you...

There was no way to know how long Nabbo would be. I sighed and moved my fingers the way Nabbo had shown me. Of course it wouldnt work, but it wasnt like I had anything else to do, might as well give the universe another opportunity to laugh in my face.

So it was something of a surprise when a small blue flame appeared on the end of my finger.