Chapter 63

Yang Lei knew that Fang Yu was looking out for him and wanted him to live a peaceful life in the future. Although Yan Ziyi’s company was also considered a serious business, as long as they were on the streets, it was doomed not to be peaceful. Fang Yu was afraid that he would get in trouble again and wanted him to have a good place to go. How could Yang Lei not understand?

But Yang Lei’s heart was still chaotic. He didn’t want to hear Fang Yu urging him to leave, even if Fang Yu was doing this for his own good.

“…If I go, what happens to us?”

After a moment of silence, Yang Lei suddenly asked.

Fang Yu didn’t speak, smoking his cigarette.

“If I go, that’s four years. We won’t be able to meet many times for four years.”

“I’ll go to see you.”

After a while, Fang Yu said in a deep voice.

“How many times can you see me? Can it be compared to us being together every day like this right now?”

“Don’t just look at the present!”

Fang Yu was a little impatient.

“Why don’t the two of us go together? I’ll tell my dad to ask for another spot.”

“I can’t go. I can’t leave behind Jiu Ge.”

“—Then can you leave me behind?”

Yang Lei couldn’t help but blurt out.

“…Is this the same thing?” Fang Yu suddenly raised his eyes, looking at Yang Lei impatiently: “How old are you? Can you be a little sensible?!”

Fang Yu’s tone was irritable…

Yang Lei looked at him and didn’t say anything. That night, he left and went to Turbulent Times.

Yang Lei drank wine, his heart a mess.

The pounding music and drums and the crazily dancing beautiful men and women, all seemed to have nothing to do with him at all. Yang Lei’s alcohol tolerance was good. He even once received the nickname “Yang Yijin,” which meant that when Yang Lei drank with other people, he started with at least half a kilogram. But now, Yang Lei just drank a little wine in the bar, not even a drizzle, and he actually felt a little dizzy.

He wanted to find someone to accompany him and talk about the things in his heart. He thought it over and called Ding Wen.

“Lei Ge, what is it?”

After Ding Wen picked up the call, he didn’t say a second word and rushed over. Seeing that Yang Lei was drinking in a bad mood, Ding Wen was very concerned.

“Nothing. Drink a little with me.” Yang Lei poured wine for Ding Wen.

Ding Wen noticed.

“Is it… something happened with you and Fang Yu?”

Ding Wen guessed that Yang Lei wouldn’t find him for other reasons. He couldn’t tell anyone else about this thing.

On hearing Fang Yu’s name, Fang Yu’s furrowed, straight eyebrows, bright eyes, and silent and resolute lips appeared before Yang Lei’s eyes. This was a face that he always kept in his heart, but now, once he thought about him, it made him upset.

“Ding Wen, let me ask you… Can two men last long?”

Ding Wen was silent for a while.

“It’s hard. Even if the feelings are deep, after a long time, they won’t be able to keep going. They will each have to get married.”

Ding Wen raised his head and looked at Yang Lei’s side profile.

“You two… aren’t getting along well?”

“No! …I’m just very selfish!”

Yang Lei suddenly blurted out this sentence!

“…I’m really possessed… In the future, I’ll have to destroy him!”

Yang Lei said incoherently. He didn’t even know what he was talking about.

“…Even if later, if he’s harmed because of this… I can’t let him go! …I really could harm him for a lifetime!”

Yang Lei said painfully and incoherently…

Ding Wen was confused at first, but he gradually understood.

Yang Lei liked Fang Yu, but he fell in love with a man. Could he not have any pressure at all? Yang Lei had also thought about many practical problems and overcame struggles and conflicts, but in the balance of his heart, Fang Yu’s importance outweighed everything else. He recognized Fang Yu and was willing to bear all the pressure for him, but the only thing Yang Lei couldn’t stand was not being able to be with Fang Yu in the future, no matter if it was because of external reasons or problems between the two of them. The being together that he wanted wasn’t what TV dramas spoke of as though it were very romantic, “Even if we are thousands of mountains and streams away, my heart is still with you.” He couldn’t stand that emptiness. What he wanted was something direct and real. He wanted to be with Fang Yu day and night, to be able to see him and touch him every day, to be able to see him when he opened his eyes, to be able to catch him by reaching out his hand, and kiss him. It was not only being able to emptily think about him in his mind thousands of kilometers away!

People passionately in love were all like this. At least Yang Lei still hadn’t walked out of this period of passionate love. He had only received Fang Yu’s response with much difficulty. Yang Lei even thought that, if there was a day when Fang Yu really regretted it and really “figured it out,” and realized that he still liked girls and wanted to leave Yang Lei, according to his own temperament, he couldn’t possibly do things for his good as he did before, and give him an opportunity to turn back and let him go ashore. He definitely had to drag Fang Yu to remain underwater with him. Even if being underwater would cause both of them to suffocate… Yang Lei understood himself too well. Unless he changed in the future to the point where he didn’t love Fang Yu, he really would harm Fang Yu for a lifetime. He had to make both of them “badly behaved” for a lifetime…

Could he no longer love Fang Yu? Could he change in the future?

Yang Lei hadn’t even thought about it. His life was all Fang Yu’s! With just one word from Fang Yu, he could give his life to him at any time!

He also didn’t think about the feelings in front of him. He was also making preparations for the future. He was preparing for a future for two people, but Fang Yu needed to be by his side in this future. This was Yang Lei’s simplest thought.

Although Ding Wen didn’t know what the matter was, hearing Yang Lei’s words, Ding Wen was also silent.

He really didn’t think that Yang Lei’s feelings for Fang Yu were this deep. Originally, Ding Wen had experienced so many things, and he had long given up on a so-called everlasting love between two men. But seeing Yang Lei, Ding Wen only silently sighed. He couldn’t get such a person who was willing to commit to these kinds of feelings for him.

“Lei Ge, listen to me, don’t sink in too deep. A lifetime is long. No one knows what the future will be like. Don’t hurt yourself.”

Ding Wen’s words were spoken from his heart. He had seen too much. There were too many instances where people would swear to the heavens that they would never separate even if the seas dried up and the rocks decayed, but later, under the pressure of reality, each had their own marriages and went their own ways.

After all, people had to live in reality. Feelings couldn’t be eaten as food.

“Some men can accept this in the beginning, but they actually couldn’t distinguish between brotherhood and love. When they meet a girl they like, then they will understand. I met these kinds of people. Fang Yu… he doesn’t look like someone like us. What about his feelings for you? Does he think the same as you do?” Ding Wen asked.

Yang Lei threw back his head, drinking the entire glass of brightly colored wine.

“You don’t understand him!”

Yang Lei slammed the wineglass on the table.

“…Okay. After all, you’ve set your mind on him. I wish you two happiness…”

Ding Wen also finished drinking his wine…

Later, Ding Wen kept accompanying him. Yang Lei talked about a lot with him, and Ding Wen listened patiently. Yang Lei thought that Ding Wen was a very good listener. Even if he couldn’t accept Ding Wen’s feelings, he really thought of him as his friend.

Yang Lei asked Ding Wen how he was recently. Ding Wen smiled bitterly.

“In my heart, I still can’t let you go,” Ding Wen said quietly.

“Don’t be dumb.”

“Really.”

Yang Lei was silent for a moment, staring at him.

“I shouldn’t have called you!” Yang Lei said…

The manager of Turbulent Times came to call Yang Lei. Fang Yu made a phone call looking for him. Fang Yu knew that Yang Lei went to Turbulent Times. Fang Yu was in a bad mood and ignored him. As the night went on, he didn’t see Yang Lei come back, so he called to look for him.

“You come over!”

Yang Lei, who had drunk too much wine, shouted into the phone.

“I’ll wait here!”

Without waiting for Fang Yu to reply, Yang Lei hung up the phone.

Yang Lei told Ding Wen that he didn’t need to accompany him. He told Ding Wen to go back earlier. Ding Wen wasn’t willing to go. He was afraid that if Yang Lei stayed alone, no one would take care of him after he was drunk.

“It’s fine! I’m waiting for Fang Yu!”

Yang Lei was still pouring alcohol into his cup. He didn’t bother drinking those foreign wines and directly took a bottle of Erguotou.

Ding Wen just didn’t want him to drink that much. He wanted to snatch his wine bottle.

“Lei Ge, don’t drink anymore!”

“Give it to me!”

The two of them pulled back and forth. Ding Wen reluctantly let go, looking at Yang Lei’s profile as he threw his head back and drank wine. Ding Wen was infatuated again by Yang Lei’s handsome and slightly hazy face. He couldn’t control himself. He went over and hugged Yang Lei’s shoulder, hugging him tightly.

“…”

Yang Lei felt that something was wrong and was about to push him away. Ding Wen’s back tightened, and he was pulled backwards by someone. He suddenly fell to the ground.