Chapter 546: Feeling Like a Terrible Person

Chris didn't even glance at Styles's retort. His stare was too focused on Amelia and Damien ever since the former broke the news about Damien being her son. He had an unreadable expression when he observed and saw the resemblance between the two. This new revelation was too weird for him, and he didn't know how he felt about it.

While he was still gathering his thoughts, Damien narrowed his eyes at Chris, wondering what the bastard was thinking about while he was looking at them. Was he criticizing them? He didn't like his stare at all. Damien felt that Chris's gaze was laced with envy and rejection—as if someone he cared had been taken away from him.

Sensing the tense atmosphere, Amelia began to explain the truth to Chris briefly. She didn't go into too much detail—just that she used to be with Lawrence Park and had a son with him before coming to Shadow. There was no reason to tell him about the other things that didn't concern him at the moment. Even if she was close to Chris, there was just some stuff that he was better off not knowing.

"So… That's pretty much it. Damien is my son," Amelia concluded.

Chris seemed to be in deep thought as if he was trying to recall something. A few seconds later, a small smile followed by a nod expressed his current mood. "I see," he said.

The room was quiet for a few beats. Everyone was anticipating what he had to say.

Out of everyone in the room, Chris was the closest to Amelia. So he was very attached to her. But finding out the truth made him remember how their relationship was years ago. And now he began to wonder about what he never thought he would question her about.

"Christopher?" Amelia called, her expression laced with worry, seeing the change in his expression. Did she say something wrong?

When he lifted his eyes, his smile widened. "I understand. Congratulations," was all he could say. Then he turned to Styles and asked for his phone, "I'll try calling Hughes and see what's up."

Styles absent-mindedly just gave his phone without any questions asked.

Everyone watched Chris walk out of the house and head to the empty garden.

"Tell me I'm not the only one who noticed it," Styles muttered.

The others were quiet except for Gus who nodded and agreed. "That was… weird."

For those who had known Chris for a long time, they knew how capable he was of masking his true feelings. Unless he would willingly show it, one wouldn't know when he's telling the truth—rather, he was so good at it that one would always think it was his real emotion.

However, just a moment ago, Chris couldn't hide himself—though he thought he had.It was apparent on his face that he wasn't fond of the truth that he just found. What's more, he looked hurt.

It was understandable that the news was shocking for those who didn't know it yet. But it seemed as though Chris had other reasons for his reaction.

"Let me go talk to him," said Amelia, squeezing Damien's hand before following Chris.

…

Taking several deep breaths, Chris rolled his neck from side to side while closing his eyes. He tried to regain his composure, but he couldn't find his stance as fast as he usually did. He sat on the side of the non-functioning fountain and held his head.

Over the years of training in Shadow, he had developed a technique. Whenever he remembered a sad memory or was in an upsetting circumstance, he would be able to induce numbness within in order not to feel it. This was helpful when he needed to focus on certain missions that required him to act different personas.

Weakness is a state of mind. And one could train his mind not to be weak.

He couldn't allow himself to be weak, or it would only bring danger to him and his team. He had trained himself with this and had mastered it over time. However, none of it seemed to be working at the moment. For the first time in long a while, he was disheartened.

"Chris?"

A woman's voice caught his attention. He quickly straightened his back as he glanced sideways and saw Amelia sitting down next to him.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, I was just… trying to call Hughes."

Placing a hand on his arm, her voice was gentle when she told him, "Come on, tell me what's on your mind, Christopher."

The wind blew, and the few leaves left in the tree nearby rustled. It was the 2nd of December, and the weather in Harbor City was gradually getting colder. She rubbed her hands together as she waited for him to speak. It took him a minute to finally tell her what was in his head.

"Is this why you're so nice to me?" he asked, his voice toneless and unhurried.

Amelia turned her head towards him, surprised at his question. Her brows furrowed when she tried to understand what he was trying to say. "What do you mean?"

Chris kept his gaze at the ground, refusing to look at her in the eye—for fear of seeing what he didn't want to see. "When I first joined Shadow, I just lost my parents and my sister. I was practically homeless and an orphan. I felt so… detached to the world. I couldn't even speak English apart from a few words. I was grateful that Parker brought me to a place where a few kids around my age also lost their parents. I thought—at least I wasn't alone. There were others like me."

A wry chuckle escaped from his lips as he rubbed his nape and continued, "But no one wanted to talk to me. I was the new boy who everyone didn't want to be friends with. It was like that for a couple of weeks when I started my training… You were out on a long mission then, and when you came back…"

"I scolded you for your wrong posture," Amelia added, recalling the memory from the past when she first saw Chris in the training room all by himself late at night when everyone else was sleeping. He was very hardworking, and she admired his tenacity.

"You know why I used to practice at night?" he asked, glancing at her only briefly before looking down again. "Because no one wanted to be my partner. I was better off training alone anyway…"

Chris took a deep breath, and then a genuine smile formed on his face. "Until you decided to teach me. You were the first one who talked to me in my language. You have no idea how happy I was to learn that someone could finally understand me."

Amelia could still remember the memory as if it happened just yesterday. She smiled, feeling nostalgic about it. She couldn't believe it had been so long ago.

"You're the closest to a mother whom I ever had after I lost mine… And each time, I… I was happy whenever you treated me like your favorite. It felt to me that you really cared..."

"Chris…" she worried, knowing where he was already going with this.

"Were you only nice to me because I…" he gulped. "I reminded you of your son?"

Amelia exhaled a heavy sigh, but before she could respond to him, Chris had already spoken again, "You hadn't seen him since he was an infant. You must have missed him a lot. I shouldn't be feeling like this when we're not even blood-related. Yet I couldn't help but wonder if that was the reason why." He chuckled as if his own words were amusing to him, then he turned to look at her when he asked, "Was I a replacement?"

"Chris, why are you thinking like this?" she asked, yet at the same time, she understood why he was feeling insecure. However, she was hurt that he questioned her motives for taking care of him then—it made her feel like she was a bad person.

Ignoring her question, he looked at the tree not far from him. "Ah…" A realization hit him, and the knot in his heart twisted even more. The feeling he had in his chest didn't match the dry chuckle he let out.

"That… Operation Scorpion…" Chris began, referring to the assassination mission of the Youngs many years ago. "I guess you joined the mission because your son was there."

Amelia felt a lump in her throat because of that one. She couldn't deny that because it was the truth; she was indeed there because of Damien. Although she never said or told anyone that she joined the mission for Chris, that's what they all thought anyway. And to protect her son, she couldn't correct them.

Was this her punishment for all her sins? A tear escaped the corner of her eye when she couldn't help but label herself as a terrible person. A bad partner for leaving Lawrence. A bad mother for leaving Damien. And a bad mentor for hurting Chris.