Chapter 223

Chapter 223

Matt? Nicks jaw hung open, and he stared agape. Slowly, the dark red aura that was so reminiscent of the Crimson Nosferatus drained away, until he finally resembled Nick again.

I didnt know what to say. Despite knowing this was a possibility, I hadnt planned this far, and at the moment, came up empty.

What the fuck. Nick passed a hand through his hair, his face conflicted. No. No, no no. This is a trick. Hasturs testing me.

We met in the rehab center. You were there for your leg, I was there for my mom.

Nick shook his head vehemently. No

I went down the list. The passcode on your phone is six-nine repeating. Your favorite game is Resident Evil 4the original, not the remake, seeing as how, in your opinion, they cut too much of the campiness. Youd pick Waffle House over IHOP any day.

Shut up.

You say your greatest fear is being alonebut Id argue its not actually that. I think given the excess of flings you try to keep on as friends, and how tightly youve clung to me, I think your greatest fear is being irrelevant, but more than that, being unloved. And until today, if someone put a gun to my fucking head and asked me to pick out the one good fucking person in the fucking world, I would have pointed at you. I realized, belatedly, that I was shouting. And I didnt care. Past fucking tense.

The punch came quicker than I expected, and the entire left side of my face went numb as Nicks fist slammed into my jaw. I spun like a top and went down. Nick stood over me, his fist trembling. Fuck you, Matt. You have no idea what it was like.

Then tell me. I gestured at myself wildly. Because Im right goddamn here, and personally, Id love an explanation for that. Because that wasnt you. I pointed to the cliffs.

This was it. The last chance. If he was being manipulated or controlled through profound means that even Azure could not detect, this was where hed offer a rational explanation. Something that was well-thought out and made sense. Some premeditated bullshit about a mental break, or a Macguffin, or some trumped up needs-of-the-many equivocations. Anything.

Shame and anger warred on Nicks face. Where were you?

You did not just ask me that.

While I was neck-deep in the deepest, darkest hole imaginable, where the fuck were you? Nick shouted, spittle flying. Cause from where Im standing, it looks like all youve been working is spinning that class I gave you into something better. Glad you could run around touring the Flauros realms playing swashbuckling rogue and advancing while Jinny and Sae rotted, and I fended for my fucking self.

In ordinary circumstances, I might have understood. Hed lost someone he loved and was held prisoner by the people who took her from him, and hed been through a series of traumatic experiences one after another.

I-I-I-I I clamped down on the stutter, hating myself for it. No. Thats what you think of me. Okay. Great. Glad were clearing the air. A thousand biting rebuttals cycled through my mind, but in the end, I said nothing, just reached in my inventory and withdrew an object.

Is that?

Unstoppable force met immovable object. Neither making any real headway as the wind rustled our clothes, sodden sand glittering beneath advancing and retreating feet beneath a sun that would never set, until we were both staggering and our movements grew sloppy in the unrelenting tide of push and pull.

There was a sensation of mana discharging, draining color from my vision. I panicked for a moment, terrified I casted something accidentally, only realizing shortly after that the drain came from far to my right, beneath the oceans surface. Audrey had used an ability. My summon was still tangling with whatever was down there.

But the split-second lapse was all it took to tip the balance.

Nick charged forward, lifting me up by my legs and slamming onto my back, pinning my shoulder with one arm and cocking his fist back. I closed my eyes, bracing for the blow.

It never came.

Why did you have to stop me? Nick choked out. When I opened my eyes, there were tears streaming down his face. I know you. If the tables were turned, if Iris or Ellison died in that tunnelyou wouldnt have stopped at his brother. Youd make him radioactive. Shred through everyone he cared about until there was no one left.

Nick deserved the truth. Not something I thought he needed to hear. So I let myself think about it. Really consider it. If someone killed my brother or sisteror hurt them to get to meId spend a very long time driving home how profound of a fuck-up that was, before I let it end.

Nicks expression grew more confused.

So, maybe youve got it right, I murmured. Maybe I would do that. But you wouldnt.

Slowly, Nick pushed himself up and collapsed on the sand beside me, expression defeated. He looked like hed aged ten years in an hour. Yeah. Yeah. He leaned his head back and stared at the sky. Would have regretted it, no matter what Hastur said. And of course I went and screwed it all up before I figured that out.

Not necessarily. I hedged, feeling tangible relief at Nicks confirmation that Hastur had a hand in this unexpected turn.

Nick peered at me. With the geas, he wont have any choice in the matter. Hell have to report it.

Not if hes convinced he nodded off on the bluffs, and everything that happened after was a dream. That, and the directive to find Halima, were the last orders I gave Keith, and hed accepted them with no issue. I neglected to mention that Nick being forced by Aaron or Sunny to make a report now that he knew my Ordinator role was just as much, if not more of an issue.

As if. Nick scoffed. When I didnt laugh, he gaped openly. You can actually do that?

Theres a lot I can do. I deflected. was order of magnitudes more powerful than but without testingwhich was problematic in its own rightI had to assume the same rules applied. The biggest limiter was immediacy. If Id waited hours after the altercation with Nick to give Keith the order, it was entirely possible the command would fail or Keith would reject it outright. There was no point in telling Nick anything if he wasnt stable and I might need to use to wipe his memories to obscure my identity. As much as I hated it, that was the simpler option. If he kept his memories, wed need to either quickly find a solution to the geas, or abandon the Order entirely and bunker Nick down somewhere with constant squelch coverage so he couldnt receive orders or be forced to report.

Before I decided anything, I needed the piece I was missing. Ill tell you everything. But first, I need to know what happened with Hastur to put you on the warpath. The whole truth, Nick. This is important.

Nick suddenly looked very far away, Might as well. Got nowhere else to be.