Chapter 289 - Did I suffer a tumor?

Ethan's POV

I can't believe she finally opened her eyes. Even though I'm trying to act calm, it's hard for me.

Witnessing her go through all that, while I was just sitting down uselessly, make me feel like I don't deserve her.

I've come up with a lot of pleading to make her realize how sorry I am for being useless, but still couldn't pick the right one that will make sense.

I really fucked up. It doesn't matter if her work brings forth the situation. I called myself her man, and can only be manly inside the house, while I'm entirely useless outside.

I should have protected her no matter what. You might be wondering why I'm blaming myself so much.

It's because, even though we were captured, if I have taken over the control of the security after taking charge of the company like my parents wanted, I will be heavily protected and wouldn't be captured like a snail.

I regret wanting a peaceful life where guards don't flock around me. If I have them, perhaps the rescue might arrive in time, because once they started trying to communicate with the ones who escorted me to the airport and realized it's not going through, they might start investigating immediately.

A lot of scenarios have passed through my head these past months I watched my woman in these conditions. I'm to blame for everything.

Despite that, I hope her feelings for me didn't change. I hope she didn't find me useless as I find myself. I'm scared.

I was tempted to hug her with all my might right now, but scared to hurt her.

I was supposed to feel fear, but then I saw fear in her eyes. She stared at me with fearful expression, while tears build up in her eyes.

Before I could register what was happening, her tears started rolling down her face.

My heart tightened and I reached my thumb to wipe them away. I wanted to speak, but couldn't find my voice.

Why is she crying? Did she hate me now? I felt confused and scared. Is she feeling hurt anywhere?

"I…I've missed you." I stuttered, looking intensely into her eyes, while cleaning the tears that didn't cease dropping.

She tried to raise her hand, and seemed to struggle with it a little, before I reached for it and helped her, but the force was directed to my face.

I felt my heart race madly as I felt her palm on my face. She did this herself, not like when I raised it to my face by myself when she's still in a coma.

I can't believe this. My breathing got hard as I fought the urge to hold her tight. I've missed those beautiful eyes that never leave my memory anytime. I love her so much, like I'm going crazy.

I subconsciously closed my eyes as she stroked my face with her thumb, but then she began speaking.

"I'm sorry Ethan." she said, making my eyes snap open.

I'm glad to hear her voice again, but why is she apologising, when I'm the one that's supposed to.

I leaned and kissed her forehead, "I'm supposed to say that baby." I said,

I'm really glad I listened to Chris and didn't appear miserable in front of her, because she's looking at me as if checking for wounds and many others I'm not sure about, from her searching gaze.

"Ethan, I tried my best. I'm so sorry. I.. I've sustained a hit on my tummy numerous times and was able to endure the pains. That's why I didn't try so much to evade the one he threw at me, because I thought I could cope, but it hurts so much.

I don't know why, but it's so hard to even get up on my feet to defend myself. My insides felt like it's being split into two. I'm so sorry I couldn't hold up…." I'm not sure if it's right, but my lips touched hers, to make her stop saying my lines.

I felt more useless, because at the end, she's even taking the blame. Seeing that she finally stopped talking, I pulled back and stared into her eyes, "it hurts because of this," I said, pointing at her bump, while her gaze traced my hand and rested on her stomach.

She blinked in confusion, while I somehow felt scared again. Did she want this? what if she's not ready?

She looks back at my eyes, while I try to conceal my fear with a nervous smile. She returned her gaze to her stomach again and spoke up, "what's that?" she asked, and my heart broke into a million pieces.

She's not happy with it.

I was about to start begging her when she spoke again, "did I suffer a tumor?" she asked.

Eh?

As if thinking about something, since I look astonished by her question, "wait, I'm really pregnant?" she asked, as if recalling everything that was spoken to her when she still hasn't woken up.

I've never been such a coward before in my life. I'm very scared right now. All my nerves scream fear and guilt.

Fear about what she will say about it, while guilt from the fact that I actually sleep with her without protection then. I intentionally did it to make her stop her profession, since Nathan said he doesn't accept pregnant women in his organization.

"What's wrong? Is it a tumor?" she asked again, since I didn't reply to her question.

"No baby, you're carrying a child." I said, awaiting what's to come.

"I...I... " she stammered, while I kept staring at her.

You what? please say something. I pleaded in my head, trying to act strong, when my inside is the opposite of strong.

"I can't abort it, even if you don't want it." she blurted with a weak frown.

Unknown to me, she misunderstood my expressions. She thought I didn't want it and was pissed because I was the one who didn't use protection when we had sex.

"Baby, why will I want you to abort the fruit of our love?" I asked.

Her frown relaxed, "then why is your expression like that? I thought you won't blame me for losing the fight, since you know the reason why I lost." she said.

"I never blamed you for anything. I'm the useless one. The idiot who couldn't protect the woman I love." I said,

Her expression turned warm and brightened up, "then why are you looking like that?" she asked.

"I was scared you wouldn't want the baby." I said,

Her mouth went agape. She's a rare woman. This is the second time she's looking energetic in situations that she's supposed to be so weak.

Who will believe she just woke up from a coma from our conversation.

"What! I've always dreamed about this day since we started being together. Why won't I want it?" she asked, her face beaming with happiness, as she looked towards her stomach again.

Just like that, she made everything I've been scared of for almost four month smooth.

I know I was scared, but for once, I just want her to get angry. Instead of taking the blame, I want her to be pissed and make me feel miserable of myself and beg her on my knees.

She's spoiling me too much. She's too nice and too perfect for me, but that doesn't mean I'm going to let her slip from my grasp.

She's mine and mine alone.