Chapter 81 - Nathan's Fear

Nathan's POV:

"I was scared, I was scared of what I can and what I will surely do. I must admit I allowed her to join  because she's rare. Her confidence, Aroma's vouch, her pain and much more fits the category of an outstanding assassin.

When she approached me and pulled at my hair; I was shocked, because I kept tabs on Ethan without his knowledge, I need to make sure my brother was safe after all. I only stopped after he went to and returned from the army, but that's when he began his search for me.

I was supposed to be at ease that he will be able to defend himself, but he stubbornly made searching for me his other goal aside from making the company more successful.

While keeping tabs on him; I understand a lot of things about him. He has never dated and has never showed interest in a woman. He's always into studying and unbeknown to me then; he was giving it his all to be able to stand as a free man and begin his search.

Knowing all that, I was amazed by this ugly girl I'm staring at right now could sit on his lap and pulled his hair. I wasn't sure what their relationship was, but could feel that she was very angry and all tensed up at that moment she's sitting on my lap, so I kissed her to confirm their relationship.

Kissing isn't something unless there's feelings involved here, so it's no big deal to me. I find her interesting and was having fun till I find out who she really was.

Her existence is behind my parting with my family, but I'm okay with the man I've become and had no resentment. I was traumatized by the event though.

No matter how hard I tried to not let it get to me, it's still surface and yes, I must say it's one of the reasons I managed to keep my emotions intact and not lost it completely like I wished to.

Everything changed completely within me, when I took her to see her father. I cared for her when I know who she was but my will to make her an assassin even though I could just make her stay in the base, find a small role for her and keep her safe, didn't waver until I saw Alexander.

The image of his smiling energetic face surfaced in my head, and I was mad at the state he's in right now. His teasing then made sense to me as I grew up, and it's one of the memories that comforted me all through my dark times.

Seeing him like that really hurts, even though I can't understand why I cared. That's when my fear for Diana started growing more. I knew she needed to undergo the trial as soon as possible, and was scared of what will happen if she really chose to hurt her roommate.

I don't spare people like that and killed them myself, and knew I would kill her immediately before I realize what I have done. I'm the type of person who could kill her without batting an eyelash.

The thought of Alexander having to know his daughter died like that tortured my heart, which made me started doubting if I should still make her go this lane. And then, my brother called.

He asked to speak with her and I made him realize how the timing was bad. Then he spoke, he said he's not against her grooming to be an assassin anymore, he just wants her safe and be able to love her after all is over.

He said he's willing to respect her decision and begged me to give him a chance to pursue his feelings for her, he promised to wait till she achieved what she wants and not sway her feeling from it. All he wanted was an assurance that she will be his when she's all done with her plan.

I wasn't expecting such from Ethan. Honestly I would have wondered what he sees in her if I had known Diana from a distance but I understand she's a good girl after the small time I've come to know her.

I knew Ethan said that for fear of losing her completely but still doesn't understand who she is and everything entirely, so I explained to him that night and promised to allow him to speak with Diana.

I told him she's gonna undergo a trial and Ethan said he trusted she will pass without a second thought. I wanted to believe him so badly, but I was still scared.

When she saw my body and blushed, I was pissed at her because of the stage my brother put her in his heart, it annoyed me that she showed such reaction to my body when my brother was so much into her, I refused to listen to her when she wanted to speak with me, because I was scared she will talk about it and admit she's not into my brother and also not into me which I wouldn't mind, I don't have a heart to show such affection anyway, but my brother is another case entirely.

Ethan was so sincere that I couldn't bare to hear that from her, and also due to the fact that her trial is starting the next day.

I didn't leave the country and was watching how she looked around, trying to find the person. Aroma was scared as well, even though she pretended like she's cool with it.

Looking at her now, I'm proud of her, but still scared because this path isn't easy and Alexander state still worries me. This is not only about Diana's life. Her being alive is the reason her parents still chose to fight for theirs. I'm really scared at this rate. Also scared for my brother. This ugly girl meant a lot more than she can imagine."