Chapter 154

He wanted to believe her. And even without evidence, he did not want to doubt her. Whenever he met her eyes, he realized several times how painful it was to tell lies from the truth in her words.

“In other words, I died once and survived. When I opened my eyes, I found myself back in spring two years ago. I thought this was my second chance God gave me, so I visited you.”

“…”

“Of course, you won’t believe me…”

“I believe you because those are your words,” he said firmly.

Marianne held his hands tightly. She was short of breath at the moment. She had wanted to hear those words the most. So, she couldn’t believe her ears. She wanted to hear it one more time.

“… Can you tell me one more time?”

“I believe you. Regardless of whether it is true or false, I believe you.”

His low, calm voice without any deception or hesitation rang in her ears.

Eckart was the man who emphasized distrust instead of trust since he first met Marianne.

He first checked out the possibility of it being false despite the obvious evidence before his eyes.

Mrs. Renault attributed it to his insecure life. She said it was his fate that he led a life where he couldn’t believe anybody, and he should use someone’s faithfulness as the means of control.

Marianne fully understood his distrust. She knew well that his fastidious wariness was the force that had kept him alive until now. She knew that thoughtless trust in others was a threat like him putting a knife in his heart.

He used to be that type of person until recently.

But now he was telling her that he believed her absurd story, not even caring about the source of her words. He believed her just because she said that.

“Your Majesty, I’m the one who hurt you.”

“Marianne, what happened in Roshan was an accident. It’s not your fault.”

“It’s not just what happened in Roshan. You know that you have paid for the price that I may have had to.”

Although her confession was metaphorical, Eckart immediately recognized the true meaning of her words.

This would be the reason why she wanted to apologize to him all the time: her atonement for her ignorant and brilliant happiness that she had enjoyed while Duke Kling left the capital and led a secluded life in Lennox, keeping his secret promise with the late empress to himself.

“I won’t hurt you anymore in the future.”

The only thing that bothered him was that her sense of guilt was too much. The duke promised to him that he would return his promise of the past and conditionally offer everything, but she acted as if she would even feel her father’s guilt.

Was she sorry because she couldn’t take back the time that passed until now? If not…

“Do you still believe me? Can you forgive me?”

He usually stopped and habitually speculated on her motivations behind her story.

But that was not important. As long as he could get ahold of her, it didn’t matter whether the reason was her sense of guilt or insecurity. He didn’t care if it was curse and criticism or hatred and resentment.

“Marianne! I have never thought that you hurt me.”

“Your Majesty.”

“It’s okay. You can stay beside me even at the risk of my pain and suffering.”

Eckart caught her hands again. He lowered his upper body a bit and dragged her fingertips over his cheeks. Her right fingers gently swept along the faint scratches on his face.

“Scratch my face as much as you can, right here before me. Do it with your eyes, lips, your hands and warmth.”

Eckart looked straight into her eyes and pulled her hands a little further down.

Amid the deadly silence between them, he put his lips on her palm, which was a horribly sacred and at the same time more obscene kiss than any other act.

“Your Majesty, why are you so sweet to me like this?”

Marianne finally burst into tears. She couldn’t pretend to be indifferent anymore. It looked as if all her sadness hidden through the veins in the corners of her whole body poured out. She hugged him and cried loudly like a child.

“… You have made me the person I am now.”

Eckhart gently hugged Marianne, thinking he could have hugged her a little harder if his arms felt okay. He leaned his head on her and held her in his arms.

“So, all you have to do is take responsibility.”

He spoke with an enthralling voice so that she couldn’t run away.

He set up a trap to block her exit, hoping that he could keep her breath, crying and affection for him from getting out of the trap, so she could stay beside him until the end of her life…

* * *

He felt like a big wheel of the wagon was moving. As the horseman whipped the horse, a small wagon carrying Eckart began to run in a lonely alley.

Eckart took a deep breath, leaning against the seat inside the carriage. Instead of the mysterious scent that tickled his nose all the time in the garden, he smelled the dry, cool scent of the wood.

It was a smell that he usually didn’t care about at all. His servants were well aware that their master had light mysophobia, so they kept everything clean from small objects like stationary touched by him to a space like his bedroom and carriage.

Eckart loved thorough cleanliness. To be precise, he was familiar and comfortable with clean stuff because no color and odor were like his conviction that nothing was hidden.

But now he felt that the air inside the carriage was very cold. It was a strange feeling to him.

‘… I’m crazy.’

Feeling ashamed, he stroked his face with his hand. He felt a very tiny wound at his fingertips.

Then he remembered what he had done a little while ago. His face flushed as if there was fire under his feet.

‘Damn it. What did I do to her? I think I said something that I wouldn’t have if I had come to my senses…”

He rubbed his lips roughly. Only after he opened the window could he recall what he told her before breaking up.

After crying for a while, Marianne quickly pulled herself together. She wiped her wet cheeks with remarkable resilience, and said emphatically, with red, swollen eyes, “Anyway, I can’t accept your request.”

She was really stubborn. Although he guessed that she would say so, she played hardball with him harder than he expected.

“The reason why I came up to this point was to destroy Ober. That’s the means to achieve my life’s biggest goal, and I don’t want to be disturbed by anyone.”

“I promised you that night that I wouldn’t forgive Ober. I want to have him pay for the price of his crime, and then I want to live happily ever after. It may be presumptuous, but I will do my best to make you happy too.”

“Your Majesty, just like you worry about me, I am afraid they’re going to hurt you. So, I want to protect you by myself.”

“I’ve always lived a life protected by someone else. And I know what the result of that was. What I needed wasn’t behind someone’s back for me to hide. Rather, it was a weapon with which I could beat back the weapon pointed at me.”

“Think about it. If my father had told me about their evil things, I would never have trusted Ober. Then I would have lived a much less regretful life by now. So, you telling me to get out of this fight is no different from my father’s decision to confine me inside the walls of the northern area.”

“You said you believed me, right? I won’t betray you or leave you. I’ll convince my father. So, please believe and help me to live a life of my choice and decision for myself. Just help me live a life of my own as I wish.”

Those were her words before they parted.

In the end, Eckart was persuaded by her. He went to see her to ask her to not get involved in the political strife, but he rather promised to be her biggest supporter. When he thought of how to make excuses to Jed and Colin who strongly appealed to persuade her out of the fight, he felt stressed out. He would also stay anxious about her safety by making the decision to support her, but he couldn’t help it.

If his mother had given him a choice five years ago, she would never have let him take that decision. He did not want Marianne to live a life full of resentment. He couldn’t afford to endure her resentment.

“How did I end up in this situation…”

Eckhart scolded himself with a sigh.