Chapter 147

Of course, all this happened in her previous life. It did not happen in her present life given by God’s grace. Neither her father, her only blood, nor Emperor Eckart who knew what’s going on in Aslan, could blame her stupidity because they didn’t know what she experienced in her previous life.

As a result, it was she who was supposed to feel all guilt and self-reproach. Only she, who was now living a second life, could curse and blame her previous foolish life.

She was willing to reprove herself. She reproached all the choices of her previous life and all the hopes she had in her present life.

And she wished all this were a dream. She wished if you closed and opened her eyes, today was just one of those days when nothing happened…

“I’m sorry. I tried to apologize, but I really didn’t know anything, so I’m so ashamed and embarrassed to tell you that I didn’t know… But now I know how terrible it was. It’s too late…Still, you are kind, so I want to ask for your forgiveness even now…”

Marianne cried while speaking to Eckart. Her words were messed up while she was speaking.

Eckart couldn’t understand what she was trying to say exactly. Perhaps even the words that she might have chosen unconsciously tormented him. Strangely enough, he was more bothered when she said she “suffered” than she “committed” something. He also couldn’t figure out why she wanted to apologize to him.

But he couldn’t think anymore. Even before he opened his mouth, he moved his body first.

He quickly made two steps toward her and instinctively reached out.

“Marianne!”

Eckart squeezed her wrist and pulled it strongly. Pushed by his strong force, the jewelry earrings she was about to swallow fell on the floor.

“I won’t allow you to act recklessly any further.”

His warning voice was full of anger. Swallowing jewelry or accessories was one of the methods that a noble lady chose to commit suicide. In fact, she tried to kill herself before his eyes.

Marianne looked back at the earrings on the floor and raised her head again. Slowly blinking her blurred eyes, she smiled faintly.

“Your Majesty. The cardinal in Roshan told me that my life was the last grace of Goddess Kader. So maybe… If I die again, then maybe I can go back to the good old days. I mean, going back to the days further away from the present, those days when nothing has yet gone wrong.”

“What are you talking about? This is just the stupidest thing you can choose.”

“Your Majesty, just let go of me. I can fix it. Please.”

Marianne begged. But Eckart resolutely shook his head, saying, “I can’t.”

“Please!”

“Marianne, look! Your father is there. Your wrong decision will torment your father his entire life.”

And perhaps it would be a shackle that he could never shake off.

Eckart didn’t speak further and just pointed to Kling.

He was looking at her with a painful look, as if he couldn’t believe what was happening before his eyes. There was no resentment or anger in his gaze. It was just full of self-reproof and despair.

She became more angry at his expression.

“I know. I’ve already done that to you before. So, please let me go! I can fix it. Even if something goes wrong, it’s going to be all my fault. I won’t blame anyone. I’m just going to be responsible for the mistakes that others made because of me. Don’t I have the right to take responsibility for myself? Why can’t I make the decision this by myself? Just leave me alone. If I go back once more, then I really…”

She was choked with tears. She breathed out suddenly. A huge force of unknown origin moved her. She felt as if someone pushed his hands from behind her back and squeezed her heart and lungs with one hand.

“… Marianne?”

She grabbed her chest unconsciously. She felt frustrated as if she were suffocated. Her head was killing her, and her heartbeat was pounding hard. Her irregular heartbeats sounded like thunder. She wanted to say something, or she seemed to have said something, but what came out of her mouth was just blurry moaning.

“Marianne! Are you okay? Take a deep breath. Can you hear me?”

“Marie! No… Open your eyes! Come to your senses! Marie!”

The bookshelves and windows passed before her eyes. Something hard hit her back. The voices of her father and Eckart were faintly heard in her ears.

As a matter of fact, she realized that her body was tilting to the side strangely, and she just saw something black everywhere.

She blacked out at that moment.

***

Splash!

Waves rippled over the blue lake.

Marianne was suddenly plunged into the water from the air. Cold water quickly swallowed her.

The impact she felt when she hit the surface awakened her consciousness, but when she was awake, she was already underwater, too far from the surface. She saw bright sunlight above the crown of her head, on the surface of the lake.

Her sudden sinking soon caused her shortness of breath. She struggled, realizing that there was not much air left in her lungs. Every time she swung her arms, white drops of water obstructed her vision. When she stretched her feet as much as she could, her body began to rise little by little. She didn’t know how to swim, but the water pressure that strangely pressed on her body was getting a little lighter.

It was about the time she felt when coming near the surface of the water she felt she was too far away from.

Some hands were pushed under the water and grabbed her wrist. Obviously, they were a human’s hands, and they pulled her out of it with a huge force that she felt didn’t belong to a human.

As soon as she felt she was pulled out, she was thrown out of the water on to the ground.

She felt the water surrounding her body was being sucked back into the lake.

“Cough! Cough! Cough!”

She spat out water out of her nose and throat. While she kept coughing, suddenly a dark shadow appeared in front of her.

When she raised her head, she saw a man. She looked up at her slowly.

He was putting on sandals that seemed to be made of animal skin and tough twigs on his white bare feet. A short, milky white tunic worn by a mythical warrior. He was holding a long spear with five branches in one hand. With a bow and arrow on his back, a laurel wreath on his head exuded a fresh scent from the middle of his forehead. His dark green hair fluttered in the wind as if a part of the forest had been removed.

“… Kader?”

Marianne murmured while rubbing her wet nose. Then the person standing in front of her laughed gently and said, “Okay. My name is Kader. I’m the fourth child of our main God Airius, and the second daughter of Anthea. I control the sixth power of the nine original gods that preside over the destiny of the universe. I’m glad you recognize me at once.”

She replied with a mysterious voice that nobody dared to imitate in any pure language of the world.

Marianne blinked her round eyes helplessly. How could a goddess she saw in the sacred documentary paintings stand in front of her?

‘Am I now dreaming? Am I seeing things?’

She bit her lip at the incredible sight and frowned very much.

“If you really existed…Wait a minute…Was I really dead? Where am I now? Is this the Tanatos purgatory where sinful souls gather?”

Kader listened to her and laughed a hearty laugh.

“You are the proof of my lovely courage. You are a timid child. Do you think this place looks like the shade of Tanatos?”

Kader stepped aside from her, so she could see the surroundings.

The place where the two stood was a very large field. Next to it was a beautiful blue lake where Marianne had just been floundering, and there were trees that boasted abundant leaves to Kader’s left. An open field with no end was in the front, captivating her eyes. There were unripe green barley stems swaying along with the cool wind.

“There is no light of Father Airius in the shade of Tanatos. This is the land of Mother Anthea.”

“Can I come to the goddess’s land without dying?”

As Marianne shook her head, Kader looked down at her and said gently, “Of course. You are the master of the star protected by your mother. Here you have the blessing of Anthea, and this is the sanctuary of destiny waiting for you to wake up. God’s grace will be gone with the end of human life, so only the living can come here.”

“Well…” Marianne frowned.

“So, this place inside me… It is real, but it doesn’t exist in the real world…Do you mean this is a space created by the goddess’ divinity?”