CH 262

Len Chen was very sharp. Upon hearing the words, he rolled over and propped himself up to look at Xing Conglian. With Xing Conglian’s handsome face very close to his nose, Lin Chen raised an eyebrow and keenly remarked, “So, did you peek at my messages?”

“There’s a unified security process in place. The system filters the messages you receive, and if any abnormal information is detected, there will be an alert.” Xing Conglian pulled Lin Chen down and laid back in their previous position. “Look, it’s for your safety, baby. You have to trust me; I would never peek at your messages, and the keywords are definitely not something like ‘darling’ or ‘see you at the usual place tomorrow night’. But this message looked too much like spam, so it slipped through.” Xing Conglian joked, “Besides, I didn’t know if that little brat Wang Chao told you, but later, I’ll go bear that kid up to vent my anger.”

“Actually, I don’t mind if you peek at my messages,” Lin Chen said.

“I really didn’t peek.”

“For others, reading someone’s messages implies a lack of trust or something like that, but for me, if you actually did it, I would be happy,” Lin Chen said. “It would mean that you care about me—that you lack a sense of security in our relationship, afraid that I might run off with someone else. It’s a sign of insecurity. Honestly, I’m not someone who feels very secure either. I also need these normal and ordinary details that come up in a relationship to ascertain that you love me.”

The sound of flowing water outside the window became clearer and clearer. Lin Chen’s breath fell on his neck and chest, while the tone of their conversation flowed like clean and clear water, with each word hitting him in the heart.

Xing Conglian let out a long sigh. Lin Chen always spoke so straightforwardly, making it impossible to resist. He once again found himself in a situation where, no matter how hard he tried to love Lin Chen, it never seemed enough.

But he couldn’t help but wonder if they could still lie down together and talk when they grew older. It would be a truly fortunate life for him if he could still hear Lin Chen’s views on love.

“I love you. I’m very certain of it,” Xing Conglian said.

……

Lin Chen rested his head on Xing Conglian’s shoulder.

The bed had no soft mattress or bedsheet, and the rough feeling was very uncomfortable.

Xing Conglian’s shoulder joint was stiff, and his chest was wrapped in strong muscles underneath the shoulder. Lin Chen had to lean against this position, which was quite uncomfortable.

Seeing Xing Conglian’s posture, Lin Chen knew that he hadn’t had much experience in relationships. His movements were stiff, but luckily, the feeling of his voice constantly passing through his chest and into his ears was pleasant. Therefore, he changed his strategy.

He turned to his side and reached out to embrace the other person’s waist. Feeling like it wasn’t enough, he also pressed his leg on top.

This action wasn’t aesthetically pleasing, but it was very comfortable and reassuring.

Because of the comfort, they could talk more and go deeper.

“We haven’t finished talking about your grandmother,” Lin Chen patted Xing Conglian’s buttocks and said softly.

Xing Conglian kissed his ear and calmly said, “My grandmother ultimately committed suicide.” Xing Conglian’s voice was long and distant. “She ate a bullet and died a heroic death.”

Lin Chen wasn’t surprised. From the moment Xing Conglian mentioned it, he believed this was the inevitable outcome.

The clouds outside the window glided by in a soothing and unpredictable manner. Lin Chen closed his eyes and asked in a low voice, “Some kind of mental or psychological illness?”

“Alzheimer’s*. I was still young back then and didn’t understand much,” Xing Conglian said. “But even then, I wondered, why is the human brain so strange? My grandmother had such a grand and magnificent life, but as she grew old, she became like an extremely immature child, gradually forgetting everything. I remember when she saw me for the last time, she mistook me for her childhood playmate and pulled me, wanting to ride a black bear.”

*Neurodegenerative disease that usually starts slowly and progressively worsens. It is the cause of 60–70% of cases of dementia. The most common early symptom is difficulty in remembering recent events. As the disease advances, symptoms can include problems with language, disorientation (including easily getting lost), mood swings, loss of motivation, self-neglect, and behavioral issues. As a person’s condition declines, they often withdraw from family and society. Gradually, bodily functions are lost, ultimately leading to death.

As Xing Conglian spoke of this past, his tone carried confusion and puzzlement, but Lin Chen was certain that Xing Conglian had a purpose in telling this story.

However, at this moment, he just wanted to listen to Xing Conglian talk about his past.

“And then?”

“And then… there was no ‘then’. The family couldn’t do anything about it because it’s an incurable disease. And since my grandma had the highest seniority in the family, all they could do was bring her a docile black bear. It had to be ensured that the bear wouldn’t harm anyone, had a gentle temperament, and also prevented the old lady from shooting the bear. In short, those years were chaotic in our household. Then, one day, the old lady regained her consciousness, or rather, her condition worsened. But we preferred to believe the former—that she was very clear when she made that choice. Though it was just a brief moment, she chose a bottle of vodka in her left hand and a revolver in her right hand, and in an extremely heroic and interesting way, she ended her life.”

Xing Conglian’s tone wasn’t sorrowful, and Lin Chen didn’t feel it was a sad story either.

“To live brilliantly and die with dignity—many people long for that,” he said.

“I thought you would comfort me.”

“I’m not that conventional,” Lin Chen said. “And by the way, your family’s pet is really creative.”

“That’s nothing. Next time, I’ll take you home to see the little creatures I’ve raised,” Xing Conglian proudly said.

Lin Chen knew that the words “take you home” were heartfelt and sincere.

But at this moment, he still had to break this atmosphere.

“The story is good, with a cruel beauty, but did you misunderstand something?” He forcefully sat up, patted Xing Conglian’s abs, and said, “My situation is not the same as your grandmother’s.”

“Although the specific directions may be different, the problems here are fundamentally connected.” Xing Conglian raised his hand very knowingly and pointed at the center of Lin Chen’s brows. “So, Consultant Lin, I will do everything I can, but the only one I have been powerless against is you. What is your current condition? Please perform a self-diagnosis. I’m making this request as your lover and as your superior.”

“I have been asking myself that question too.” Lin Chen held Xing Conglian’s fingertip and kissed it, then let go of his hand and got off the bed.

Xing Conglian looked at the wrinkles on Lin Chen’s shirt, revealing a glimpse of his waist that was exposed when Xing Conglian lifted it.

He watched as Lin Chen bent down and took two bottles of lemon-flavored soda from the cupboard, unscrewed the caps, handed one bottle over, and sat back on the bed, speaking in an extremely calm tone. “In fact, Shen Lian needs something. It becomes a shackle around my neck—that’s when it becomes interesting.”

Lin Chen said this.

“So what?”

“So this involves the essence of the medication, the underlying purpose of the puppet master.” Lin Chen paused. “We know that this medication’s side effects make people become manic and lose themselves, but Xiao Wu’s recovery, including my temporary clarity, also tells us that high doses of the drug taken in a short period of time won’t drive people completely insane. It metabolizes quickly, allowing temporary recovery. That’s why this medication needs to be taken long-term, right?”

“You can say that.”

Lin Chen nodded and took out his phone. A message from Su Fengzi appeared on the screen.

“Fengzi just went to Hongjing Hospital and obtained similar results…”

He said up to this point, but Xing Conglian interrupted him.

“I’ve never seen such an elusive person. So, does Three Graves really exist? Is Su Fengzi the leader of Thee Graves, or is it you?” Xing Conglian asked.

“Don’t bring up that which doesn’t need to be brought up.” Lin Chen glared at him and bent down to give him a punishing kiss. “Listen to me…”

“Kiss me again, and I’ll listen to you.”

Xing Conglian was extremely stubborn, and taking advantage of Lin Chen’s distraction, he pulled him back onto the bed, seriously threatening him. “Please, Consultant Lin, continue speaking in this posture. If you move around again, I’ll change positions.”

Lin Chen had no choice but to adjust his sleeping position, resting his head on Xing Conglian’s chest, lying on his side, and spoke in a soft voice. “Fengzi also reviewed the cases from Yongchuan Hospital. We can observe that a small number of patients have regained their consciousness. This indicates that although the same medication has different effects on different individuals, overall, everyone is improving.”

“Then what is the shackle, Consultant Lin?” Xing Conglian asked sternly.

“Most psychiatric drugs work by affecting the brain’s neurotransmitters, which in itself is quite amusing. We always think we can control ourselves, but in reality, whether it’s dopamine, acetylcholine, serotonin, norepinephrine, or others, these subtle changes in neurotransmitters can fundamentally alter a person. It can lead to addiction or a range of psychiatric disorders. It can make you a saint or a madman,” Lin Chen said while gently stroking his furrowed brow, his voice unusually gentle.

Xing Conglian’s heart felt as though it had been tightly squeezed, and he shuddered all over, even more fearful because of Lin Chen’s calmness.

But in this tender yet chilling moment, he, in a fleeting instant, felt that he had grasped the key to the entire situation. He seemed to realize what the puppet master behind the scenes truly wanted to achieve, but he couldn’t quite capture that crucial point.

He believed that Lin Chen must understand more, but at this moment, Lin Chen couldn’t verbally tell him the truth of the whole matter.

“It’s like when you’re in a dream; it’s difficult to realize that you’re dreaming,” Lin Chen said. “All human thought processes rely on the coordinated action of brain neurons and these neurotransmitters. If you ask me what changes Shen Lian’s medication will bring to the brain, I can tell you with certainty that it likely affects monoamine neurotransmitters*. Like all drugs, it has different stages. In the initial stage, it can cause a loss of rationality and agitation. In the relaxation phase, it can induce a sense of ease and calmness. And in the declining phase, after the neurotransmitter levels in the brain have fluctuated, it can trigger a series of physiological compensatory or antagonistic reactions. I don’t know exactly how it works.”

*Neurotransmitters and neuromodulators that contain one amino group connected to an aromatic ring by a two-carbon chain, such as dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. They are used in monoaminergic systems, which regulate the process of things like emotion, arousal, and certain types of memory.

Lin Chen’s tone was calm as he lay there on Xing Conglian’s chest, gazing serenely at him. But just speaking these few sentences seemed to drain all the strength from Lin Chen’s body. “Xing Conglian, I lied to you just now. I’m feeling very uneasy right now, and I really want to go find Shen Lian, truly.”