CH 190

Duan Yang turned off most of the lights in the laboratory. He then turned on a table lamp and sat down beside Lin Chen.

He was afraid that Lin Chen would suddenly not last in the middle of the night, so he could only use the most primitive method to disinfect Lin Chen’s wounds regularly. Fortunately, there was enough anhydrous alcohol in the lab. Although it wasn’t much use, he still cut open a lab coat, dipped it in diluted alcohol, and let Lin Chen clip it under his armpits and apply it to his forehead to lower his body temperature.

Surprisingly, Lin Chen cooperated.

There was a faint smell of alcohol in the air. Duan Yang felt that he was almost drunk. Thinking of Lin Chen’s previous words, he looked at the haggard face of Mr. Consultant lying next to him. He actually asked subconsciously, “Consultant Lin, what kind of person do you love?”

After speaking out, Duan Yang felt regret. He would surely be scolded by Lin Chen again for asking such a question.

“A very handsome person.”

What Duan Yang didn’t expect was that Lin Chen actually answered him.

“Eh? Handsome? I thought you would use some other adjective.”

“Is it too vulgar?”

“No, no.” Duan Yang thought to himself, ‘Lin Chen’s taste is really different that he actually likes handsome girls*.’

*Clarity: Lin Chen isn’t using any specific gender pronouns when he’s talking to Duan Yang, so Duan Yang doesn’t know that person is a man.

“That’s right. Handsome for everyone to see, but only I know their inner beauty,” Lin Chen added.

“Then… Do they know that you love them?” Duan Yang felt a bit tangled, but he still tried asking.

“Yes, I confessed.”

As if seeing through his thoughts, Lin Chen opened his eyes slightly and looked askance at him. “Is the next thing you want to ask is: Consultant Lin, how did you confess?”

“I’m just… asking.” Duan Yang hesitated.

“At that time… it was basically an accident. I forcibly kissed them,” Lin Chen said calmly.

Duan Yang was shocked again. “Didn’t the girl get scared by that?”

“What girl? He’s a man.”

Hearing this, Duan Yang almost bit his tongue. “What… What do you like about men?”

“You have a crush on your Teacher Duan yet you don’t allow me to like men?”

“That’s not what I meant.” Duan Yang hurriedly shook his hand. “But is the person you like also a policeman?”

“Yes. My superior.”

Lin Chen was quite ill, but he was still talking to him in a decisive tone, as if his physical illness couldn’t affect his will.

Duan Yang asked, “Will there be any problems, such as disagreement from your leaders or gossip among colleagues?”

“A lot of people talk nonsense every day. Do I have to listen to everything they say and keep it in my heart?”

“You really are…” Duan Yang couldn’t help leaning against the experiment table and stretched out his legs. “Amazing.”

“What kind of evaluation is this?”

“To be honest, Consultant Lin, I really want to be someone like you…”

Lin Chen said, “Is the following sentence: If I were like you, I might already be with Teacher now.”

“It’s impossible… It’s impossible for Teacher to be with me,” Duan Yang interrupted.

“Just say what you want. I won’t ask why.”

Duan Yang lowered his head and looked into Lin Chen’s dark, calm eyes. “Because I did something very excessive to Teacher.”

Lin Chen frowned, and his expression became serious. “What did you do?”

Duan Yang gently covered his face with his hands as he recalled that night. The feeling of remorse submerged him again like sea water. “That day, our laboratory was involved in a big project, and everyone stayed up for many days and nights, but the seniors were excited. Yes, Teacher also came by that day. There was something wrong with the experiment. Teacher stayed late and said he would sleep in the lounge. If there was any problem, we could call him at any time. There weren’t enough beds in the lounge, so originally I slept on the floor next to Teacher’s bed, but Teacher asked me to sleep on the bed so I wouldn’t catch a cold, so I went up. I… I slept on the same bed as Teacher.”

“Hmm… and then what?”

“Then, we fell asleep. I really like Teacher, so I couldn’t help but hold him and kiss him while he slept next to me. Teacher must’ve known. After that, he seemed very upset. When the experiment ended, he never came back that summer. Later, we received news that he had resigned to participate in medical assistance work. He must’ve known that I had kissed him and disliked me, but didn’t want to affect me, so he left…” Duan Yang paused, took a deep breath, then continued, “At the beginning, I called him every day and sent countless messages. I wanted to apologize to him and say sorry, but his phone was always off, and he never replied to my messages. Later, I heard news about him from an older student who followed in his footsteps. I asked her to ask Teacher for me, and he clearly expressed that he didn’t want me to come to Dana and that I should stay in China. Looking back now, I realize that I wasn’t brave enough. I should have bought a plane ticket and gone there. It’s only a short distance away, and I could have apologized to him face to face after taking a few more trips.” Duan Yang’s mood became more depressed. He couldn’t speak when he thought about all the emails that he sent that went unanswered. “It’s all my fault. I’m sorry… I’m really sorry…”

“Come here,” Lin Chen said suddenly.

Duan Yang looked at him with red eyes.

“Lower your head a little.”

Following Lin Chen’s instructions, he lowered his head inexplicably. The next moment, a thin palm gently covered the top of his head and then rubbed his hair fiercely.

“Stupid. If it’s because he hates your kisses and hugs, he can think of 10,000 ways to punish you. Why would he leave on his own?”

Duan Yang heard Lin Chen say.

……

When Duan Wanshan began his story, Xing Conglian already felt regret.

Since Duan Wanshan was dying, no matter how sweet the story he told, it would naturally be a tragedy. Although the tragedy was thought-provoking, he was still in a bad mood as he listened to it.

“Actually, I’m not that great. I gave up my high paying medical job in China and came here to the Dana Region to aid in medical care because I fell in love with one of my students.”

Xing Conglian’s cigarette just burned out, almost burning his fingers. He looked at the doctor sitting against the wall on the haystack and asked, “So scandalous? A teacher-student relationship?”

“Yes, and it’s a boy,” Duan Wanshan said frankly.

Xing Conglian stared at Duan Wanshan with wide eyes.

Probably seeing his reaction, Duan Wanshan said, “At that time, I felt like falling in love with a male student was like a bolt from the blue. He was such a naïve young man who was taller than me and surrounded me every day, calling me ‘Teacher, Teacher’, wholeheartedly respecting and admiring me. But all I could think about were things beyond a teacher-student relationship. Social norms told me that this was called a teacher-student romance, which was slightly better than other improper relationships. I felt like something wasn’t right about it. Anyway, falling in love is just like taking drugs; both stimulate the release of dopamine in the brain. I felt happy when I saw him and thought I liked him very much. To be honest, I couldn’t explain what ‘liking’ meant. There’s no reason for liking someone anyway. So, compared to others, I paid special attention to him. He thought I was targeting him, so he always looked at me with fawn-like eyes as he ran around me every day, just to make me a little happier.”

Duan Wanshan’s tone, when he talked about this matter, was indifferent. He didn’t even have the slightest painful reaction and seemed happy even.

“From when you like someone to when you make up your mind to leave them, something must have happened between now and then, right?”

“Of course. At first, it was my own inability to let go. Although I liked him, I didn’t dare pursue him. I also thought about confessing my feelings to him, but I felt embarrassed and just let it drag on. Until one day, I heard that he got a girlfriend. I watched as that girl walked into the school holding his hand. He reached out and rubbed her head. It was a beautiful sight… That’s when I realized that I could finally let go.”

“You don’t call this letting go.”

Just as Duan Wanshan put the bottle on the ground, he couldn’t find it even after searching for a while. Xing Conglian looked at him with unfocused eyes, afraid that the toxins from sepsis had invaded his optic nerve, causing his vision to gradually deteriorate. Xing Conglian reached out and picked up the bottle of “Niulan Mountain” Erhuotou, handing it to Duan Wanshan.

“Yeah, it’s not called letting go if you’ve never had it, right?” Duan Wanshan took a sip of the alcohol. “At that time, I happened to see the introduction to the Dana Region and the recruitment notice from Doctors Without Borders, so I went to participate. Looking back now, I was probably angry because I saw him with a girlfriend, but I had no reason to be. I could only torture myself. Now that I’ve risked my life here, I do have some regrets when I think back on it. Why couldn’t I think clearly back then?”

“It’s really stupid,” Xing Conglian commented.

In a daze, Xing Conglian seemed to see Duan Wanshan flipping him off with his middle finger. This kind of action was done by a man who looked like an old farmer and had the air of a suave scholar. It was so incongruous that he didn’t have time to react before he heard Duan Wanshan continue.

“It doesn’t hurt to stand and talk less. When it comes to relationship problems, not everyone can be like you; having determination, perseverance, and even full ability to pursue what they love. Many people don’t even know their feelings and let go of true love in hesitation…”

“Of course I’m not in pain because I have encountered someone with determination and perseverance, who even dares to pursue what they love,” Xing Conglian said.

Duan Wanshan almost spat out the alcohol he just swallowed. His face was flushed, and he turned his head as he angrily said, “Don’t you think it’s too much to show off your affection to a dying person?”

Xing Conglian spread his hands. “I’m just telling the truth.”

“I envy you very much.” Duan Wanshan raised the alcohol bottle and saluted him from afar.

“I envy myself too,” Xing Conglian said solemnly.

That night, Duan Wanshan probably really regarded him as a confidant and told him many things.

He hoped to spread the news and let his colleagues at the Dana General Hospital temporarily act as the dean and manage the hospital affairs. While on the topic, Duan Wanshan also mentioned that the hospital was currently lacking funds and that it would be great if someone could invest more.

Xing Conglian always felt that the other party was taking the opportunity to rob the rich to help the poor, but people like Duan Wanshan had wishes before they died that weren’t so simple. He even asked if he knew any wealthy people and hoped that someone could invest more money to facilitate the establishment of a pre-observation station for the Dana Rainforest viruses. Duan Wanshan said that if such an observation had existed at that time, HIV might not have had a chance to spread from the African rainforest and kill tens of millions of people worldwide, so it was quite important.

Duan Wanshan really talked too much. In the end, Xing Conglian couldn’t help it and asked, “Don’t you think it’s too much to ask for so much from someone you just met?”

“What can I do? I’m dying and there are still so many things unfinished. What’s wrong with just telling someone about it?” Duan Wanshan said.

Probably because he was too righteous, Xing Conglian couldn’t find the words to refute. “You might as well talk about you and your student and if you need me to bring anything to him.”

Duan Wanshan shook his head. “It’s too deliberate to specifically let him know that I’m dead and bring him my relics.”

“Then what do you want?”

“I think he’d make a great doctor.”

……

Xing Conglian walked out of the room and closed the door gently.

Many of the Gaomeng people in the factory were instantly awoken and looked at him with vigilant but questioning eyes.

Without words, Xing Conglian glanced at the door and nodded to everyone, indicating that Dr. Duan was still alive, but his life was only temporary.

Xing Conglian looked around. Wang Chao was operating the laptop in the corner, and everyone else was gone.

Xing Conglian walked over, patted the young teenager on the shoulder, and said to him, “Pull up the surveillance at home. I want to see him.”