Chapter 303 - Languid Despair

Prince Yi massaged his aching head in annoyance. Since the debacle of the coronation ceremony, he had been questioning any and everything he could. He could not get passed his current confusion, not even after drowning himself in alcohol. 

He was no longer sure about anything, nothing seemed to be working out for him. While he would like to think that the Emperor somehow faked those celestial events to suit his selfish needs, Prince Yi could not fathom how on the earth the Emperor could have done it.

It was not a simple magic or an illusion. Given how the Emperor reacted too, he was just as surprised as anyone. So did this really mean that the heavens were on his brother's side?...did this mean there was really no hope for him?

{...A dragon and a phoenix...a phoenix, how can this be a manifestation of heaven's will?! Why not ME?!...}

Prince Yi threw his cup of wine at the opposite wall in anger. He had worked so hard so why could it not be him?!

Prince Yi let out a breath and picked up another cup and filled it and gulped it down to calm himself. He was turning into a bit of drunk these days but what else was he supposed to do. He could not run into a fire blindly, he needed to wait, to be patient. But it seemed that his patience reserve had suddenly run dry so his frustration was growing every day. 

What was more infuriating was the fact that while he was falling into the pits of despair, his brother was happily enjoying his time in "love". Now rather than dreaming about him being intimate with Lei Xing, he was having nightmares about his brother being intimate with her. Their smiling faces were irritating him both in his sleep and waking moments. 

At this point, he was considering just killing Lei Xing. If she were dead, then at least, images of her with his brother would stop haunting his dreams. It was annoying that she was irrelevant but kept trying to make herself relevant in his mind. He had a lot more important things to be thinking about than what his brother did with his wives. 

He was tired of it, of her.

"Your highness..." Tian Ji called from outside and Prince Yi perked up and immediately responded, "Enter..."

As soon as Tian Ji entered the room, Prince Yi asked, "Any news?"

Tian Ji shook his head and the little hope that had bubbled up in Prince Yi burst into nothingness as it had done so many times already.

A few days after Chun Hua left, he had decided to be proactive and so sent some spies to Zou kingdom to find Prince Houyi to build a foundation for their future plans. But the spies kept reporting that they were having difficulty locating Prince Houyi. 

This was exactly what he meant, nothing was going well.

Thanks to his stupid brother's good work, he had even lost the blackmail leverage he had on some of the ministers, now they even had the gall to speak rudely to him - talking about him trying to drive a wedge between them and their Emperor, as if they knew anything about loyalty. If not for him, they and their clans would have long been rotting in their graves along with the Crown prince for joining his rebellion. 

He saved them and now they spat on his face because the new Emperor was "magnanimous" and would not believe in "falsehoods". 

Since Jun Kai arrived at the capital, Prince Yi's life has been falling apart one thing after the other. On every front, the Jun Kai got in his way. His throne, his ministers, and even the girl he managed to develop some "little" interest in - Jun Kai took everything. 

Apart from his irritation with the Emperor and his wife, there was also the fact that the Voice was ignoring him. Of all times to ignore him, it was doing it now. He did not want to believe the nonsense the Emperor was passing around, that he, Jun kai was the dragon incarnate and Lei Xing his phoenix. 

He refused to believe that they were gods and he was not. If the Emperor were truly a god, then why did nothing happening at his coronation? That was Lei Xing's coronation...and he honestly could believe that she was a phoenix, so she was the one who brought the Emperor the good luck of the heavens. 

Prince Yi was certain that if he had been the one who got her, he too would have had a dragon and phoenix grace their ceremony. He wanted to confirm it with the Voice, but even there he made no progress, no response. 

All his efforts resulted in nothingness.

"I thought I ordered not to bother me unless there's news..." Prince Yi dismissively said as he refilled his cup.

"There's a message from the Zou Princess..." Tian Ji informed as he walked over and put the letter on the table before Prince Yi, who simply glanced at the envelope before gulping down his wine.

Here came another problem to disturb his mind. He did not need to read the letter to know she was writing to inform him that her departure date was set. She would want to meet him, but whether it was to discuss their next steps or to say farewell, Prince Yi could not tell. 

He was not sure what Princess Nalan had in her mind. 

She has on more than one occasion talked about how she did not like life here, saying it was too rigid and boring for her taste. She liked to be wild and free so for all he knew, he was just a passing whim for her.

After all, they had never discussed the possibility of a future together.

So this would either be a goodbye or a what now meeting. Both of which Prince Yi was not in the mood or in the right frame of mind to have right now. 

The prospects of this whole Princess Nalan and Zou business was seeming like it was going to be another dead end it was currently infuriating him. The idea that in the end, this affair would simply bring nothing but trouble to him - to both of them was weighing down his mind. 

If that Doctor was really as good as he claimed to be then Princess Nalan was already pregnant. Therefore, he had already kicked up a storm and so it was too late to turn back. He should have not been so hasty with this, but what was he to do, time was short. He had to take the gamble or lose the opportunity. 

Of course, he was still trying to tell himself that a union with a Princess could not be bad per se. Even if Prince Houyi did not work out then perhaps her father might buy into the deal. After all, he had wanted her to wed an Emperor. So a prince who was just one person from the throne was not too bad. 

They just need to get rid of the obstacle in the way. But even this Prince Yi could not be certain about. He sighed and refilled his cup and ordered, "More wine..."

Tian Ji knit his brows and then hesitantly informed, "Master Zhao is here again...I told him you were not receiving guests but he is being very insistent, he says he has some good news for you..."

Prince Yi scoffed, "Is the Emperor dead?" 

Tian Ji's calmly advised, "Your highness, the walls have ears..."

Prince Yi dryly chuckled and said, "Apparently the heavens too have ears...yet they never hear me. Isn't this level of favoritism too cruel?" He asked and then went about refilling his cup and grumbled, "They answer all his prayers..."

"I will send Master Zhao away..." Tian Ji said with a bow and then turned to leave, but just as he reached the door, Prince Yi said, "Send him in..." 

Tian Ji bowed and again and left. Prince Yi glanced at Princess Nalan's letter again, then he sighed and continued his drinking without touching the letter. 

He truly needed some good news in his life, he could not remember when last he heard any good news...Perhaps, it was at his father's death. That old man did not know what was good for him.

After everything he had done for him, he actually had the audacity to threaten him.

A sad smile made its way across his lips as he remembered that fateful day. His father had called him to the Emperor's palace and praised him for all his efforts all those years, made him feel good about himself - made him feel accomplished. 

He had thought his father had finally recognized that he was just as good - no, better than his brothers. For a brief moment there, he had believed it was his victory, that the time had come for his father to officially recognize him, for him to claim his rightful place as the Crown prince of the empire, he had worked so hard all those years to earn that place. 

But then his father went ahead to say that it was time for Jun Kai to return to the capital.

Prince Yi was confused and his father, of course, noticed this and kindly went on to explain that he did not want to personally kill his own son, but there cannot be two tigers on one mountain.

'The time had come to face the truth', their father said.

The truth that no matter how hard Prince Yi worked he would never be better than Jun Kai in his father's eyes, in the world's eyes. After all, the people hailed Jun Kai as the god of war and he, Jun Shan was just another official in court. A good follower but not born to lead.

He was inadequate from birth, while Jun Kai was exceptional from birth. There was nothing he could ever do to change those facts in their father's eyes.