Chapter 300 - Comforting Solitude

Lei Xing sat there in her throne seat and watched the Imperial wives on their knees, one by one thanking and receiving their individual dismissals and promotions as the Minister of Rites stood reading out edict after edict.

Lei Xing could imagine that this must also be so strange for them as well. Lei Xing could see the anxiousness, confusion, and relief spread on their faces...It was a mix of emotions, complicated expressions.

Their first day giving their greetings to the Empress, was now the last day of them doing so - at least in the capacity of sub-wives. The Imperial wives had all expected things to change after Lei Xing became Empress, but they honestly could not have anticipated this.

It all seemed to have happened so quickly and honestly, none of them understood what has been happening the palace these days.

it has been one thing after another since they arrived here, the Empress dowager was obviously crazy and the Emperor was covering up for her. The rest of them had the good sense to stay clear of the Empress dowager after what happened with Lei Xing, only Chen You had the guts to approach and look at what happened to her.

Then the bizarre events of the ascension ceremony the day before. They were all confused and on edge. The truth was that even for those who were somewhat disappointed that they were leaving, a part of them was still glad to be leaving this bizarre place the palace was becoming. 

When the edict reading was over, the girls held on to their two edicts and kowtowed towards Lei Xing. 

Lei Xing inwardly sighed and then calmly said, "You may rise..." 

And although the Emperor had said she was not expected to say or do anything during the ceremony, as Lei Xing watched the girls rise to their feet, she felt inspired to say something. It somehow felt wrong for her not to say anything, 

So she did, "In a few days, you will be out of the palace, and as princesses, you will always have the support and protection of the royal household...For you all, this is a new beginning, a chance to rewrite your story, a chance to live the life you want, and as you desire...Be sure to live well and be happy..." 

Li Ru and some of the girls smiled at her while the others just had complicated expressions, but they all bowed together and said, "Thank you Your majesty for your grace..."

Lei Xing smiled and then said, "You may retire..." the girls bowed again and then turned and left. 

Lei Xing briefly thought about having Li Ru stay back so they could talk about her thoughts, her plans. But then she decided against it, it was not the time to be playing "favorites". It would be best to see her tomorrow and besides what plans would she have already? She would need time to think as well.

The Minister of Rites also bowed and retreated with his assistants and Lei Xing now sat there, alone on her throne seat staring out through the doors open doors. Today has been an odd day, the last two days have been very odd days.

{...Why am I suddenly feeling lonely?... This is odd, I don't like this -_-)'...}

After a while of Lei Xing just sitting there, staring blankly, Xiao Ruo became concerned, "Your majesty...is everything alright?" She asked, cutting into Lei Xing's thoughts. She had thought Lei Xing would be delighted over this but rather, Lei Xing just seemed out of it. She had been in an off mood since she woke up this morning, which was understandable given the events of yesterday but then with this, with what the Emperor has done for her, she should be happy. 

Lei Xing just blinked and turned to Xiao Ruo, she then turned back to the doors and dryly chuckled, she had actually forgotten that there were other people here.

Actually, this feeling Lei Xing knew too well, the feeling of being surrounded by people and yet feeling completely alone.

Lei Xing suddenly started feeling agitated, she knit her brows and then let out a breath and got up to go find the Emperor. She was not lonely, she had him. When he was around she never felt lonely, so Lei Xing went to find him.

As she got outside, Lei Xing saw Ah Jin coming towards her and her face immediately lit up and she walked over to her and immediately asked, "How did it go? Did she take it?" Although Lei Xing would deny it, a part of her did miss the bracelet's company so her voice was a bit agitated.

Ah Jin bowed in greeting and then said, "Miss Tung's condition was not too good so I could not speak with her directly b-..."

Lei Xing knit her brows and went a bit wide-eyed in surprise, "She's ill?"

Ah Jin nodded, "Yes, quite ill. She was unconscious when I arrived. Her aunt took me to see her, she accepted the bracelet on Miss Tung's behalf and put it on her wrist right then. The madam sends her thanks and greetings on Miss Tung's behalf, she said that she will ensure Miss Tung comes to show her thanks once she is recovered..."

Lei Xing nodded and knit her brows and offhandedly said, "Send an Imperial physician - No, send the head physician over there to see if he can help..." Ah Jin bowed and left to see to that. 

Lei Xing let out a sigh and looked to the clear blue sky. 

{...It turns out the quack was right to worry...It's good he left then, wouldn't want him to have any regrets...}

Lei Xing sighed again and began walking again, changing directions. She decided to go back to her room and return to sleep. She was sure the Emperor was busy and did not want to interrupt him simply because she was feeling a bit "lonely". 

She would sleep and she would forget these lost little feelings that had no place in her mind, the bracelet can be gone, Li Ru can be gone and even the Emperor could be gone and she, Lei Xing would be perfectly fine. 

She reveled in her solitude...Always have, always will. 

***

Lei Xing found herself in a happy dream or at least one that started off that way.

She was little again and happily strolling through what looked to be a night market or perhaps a festival, much like the one she went to with the Emperor, it definitely seemed to be in the same time period as she everyone was dressed in long robes like they wore now but different.

There were people everywhere, children with their parents happily enjoying their time and Lei Xing was one of those children with her parents. Although she could not make out their faces, Lei Xing was certain she was looking up at her parents. 

Her father handed her coin and she happily turned to the street vendor and handed the coin over to him. The vendor smiled down at her and then passed her a stick candy. Lei Xing smiled and then turned back to her parents and her smile fell when they were not behind her.

Lei Xing glanced about trying to locate them and then began to feel panicked when she could not see them. She called out for them but got no response back.

The crowd had now stopped and all heads were raised up to the sky watching the sky fill with lanterns. But Lei Xing could not pay attention to the show, instead, she was too busy trying to find her parents, she pushed her way through the crowd and kept calling for them but still got no response back. 

She finally saw what looked to be the backs of her parents and began racing towards them but then suddenly the crowd all began running in the opposite direction, trying to sweep her along. Little Lei Xing desperately tried to keep rushing forward as the backs of her parents seemed to be getting farther and farther away, fading, merging with the scenery somehow. 

Lei Xing naturally frantic and was screaming for them at the top of her lungs at this point. But they did not turn around and did not stop. She kept trying to push against the tide of the crowd, and suddenly felt herself be knocked back to the ground by an unseen force. 

She sat up and anxiously glanced around, but she could not see anything through the sea of legs. She could not even make out which way she had last seen her parents, she just sat there confused and anxious as the sea of people sped past her, all the while parting around her, as if she were in a bubble that was protecting her from the stampede. 

Lei Xing was now on the verge of tears and she bit her inner lip hard to stop the tears blurring her eyes from falling. Then all of sudden, she felt warm arms wrap around her from behind. She froze in place and then felt a hand pat her head and a familiar voice say, "It'll be alright... I'm here."

Lei Xing blinked and turned to look at the person but then no one was there, she was still alone.

"Xing er', come over..." Lei Xing heard the same soothing voice say again. She looked up and then saw the silhouette of a familiar man standing on the edge of the crowd. She could not make out the face but she knew that she knew him and he knew her.

She had to get there, so Lei Xing rose to her feet again, using all her strength she dashed towards him. The crowd and scenery fell away as she focused on reaching the man and the warmth of the bright light that was illuminating the darkness surrounding her. But the harder she ran, the farther away she seemed to be away from him and the light. 

Lei Xing's panic began to set in again as she raced even harder but then it was happening again, no matter how much she tried, she could not reach the light or the ones she wanted. She would be alone again, abandoned.

As they moved farther and farther away, Lei Xing heard her name echoing all around her from the darkness in the same calm voice, mocking her, "Xing er'...Xing er', wake up...Xing er' -"

It was driving her so mad, she screamed her head off and she shot up in bed, gasping for breath and pushing at the clutches of darkness that were trying to grip her, "Leave me alone!"

"XIng er', calm down, calm down! It's alright, it's me! Xong er', open your eyes and look at me!" The Emperor urged, holding onto her arms tighter before she would end up falling over and hurting herself in her panic. Lei Xing stopped and just stared at him wide-eyed, taking deep breaths as she realized it was just the Emperor.

Lei Xing held on to the Emperor's arms to steady herself and glanced around and realized where she was. She gulped and took another shaky breath and looked back at the Emperor, who was looking at her with concern. 

She shakily brought up a hand and ran it through her hair, "I'm sorry...it was just a...just a bad dream." She said with a raspy voice.

"A dream that brought you to tears..." The Emperor said, as he used the back of his hand to wipe the tears from one of her wet cheeks.

Lei Xing promptly touched her other cheek to feel it soaked and immediately frowned in confusion and annoyance with herself.

{...What the hell - ?...}

"Xing er'... what exactly is bothering you?" The Emperor softly asked as he gently tucked her hair behind an ear and then warmly caressed her cheek. This was supposed to their happiest time but Lei Xing was behaving abnormally right now. 

He could not understand her right now.

Even the servants had noticed she was being strange. He had been in an off mood since Lei Xing left him and then when he came over this evening, Xiao Ruo reported to him about how Lei Xing had been a bad mood all day.

He had thought his announcement would make her happy, but the happiness she had derived from it seemed to have been only momentary, fleeting. Since the main hall, she seems to be more bothered than happy, he could see it even she smiled for him. And now it was even to the point of her being haunted in her dreams.

He had entered the room to find her in cold sweat, tossing and turning in her sleep and just about to fall off the bed, but luckily he got there in time and caught her. But then she woke in a frenzy which was even more concerning. He had never seen her so agitated by anything, much less by a simple dream.

Lei Xing blinked at him for a bit and then wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest, "It's nothing...I'm fine, just a bad dream." She said as she closed her eyes. 

{...It's just a stupid dead dream...I'm fine, doesn't matter, none of it matters, no one, nothing, I'm fine. Always fine...}

Lei Xing meditated on the words while tightly clutching to the Emperor. The Emperor looked down at her, he did not like it when she got like this, it made her seem too fragile. He kissed the top of her head and reassuringly caressed her hair and pat her back, "It's alright...I'm here."