Chapter 138 - Noble Aspirations

After thinking for a while about how to frame the question, Lei Xing ended up just spitting out, "I heard you went to war at the age of twelve, why? Were you forced into it?... I mean, twelve is pretty young even in these times, right?... Weren't you scared? I mean you were so little."

Lei Xing thought of her younger brother at twelve, he was still so small and was still an adorable baby, going to war at that age was just impossible for her to imagine. 

The Emperor blankly stared at her for a while, he did not expect that question and neither had he ever been asked such a question.

{...Scared?...}

Lei Xing looked at his blank expression and then quickly said, "Nevermind, forget it...Let's keep going." Then she tried to continue walking but the Emperor pulled her back and then sighed and solemnly said, "Fear wasn't something I was raised to have...It served no purpose and only made you weak..." Those were his father's words and for his mother chimed the same tune, fear was weakness, and weakness was not allowed.

"Ah, I see..." Lei Xing quietly responded, wanting to kick herself for asking this question as she looked at his solemn expression. She just ruined the good atmosphere and made it depressing.

{...Why the hell did I ask that question?! The answer couldn't possibly be good! If he had a happy childhood, he obviously wouldn't have been thrown into a war that young!... Now, what am I supposed to say? I suck! >_

The Emperor was not exactly keen on talking about this, he had never had a conversation with anyone about this before. He looked at Lei Xing and then thought it would be fine. Since she asked, he would share. So he went on, "I wasn't forced, I asked to go...I was tired and it was the only way I could leave the palace..." Then he sighed and quietly said, "I initially went there with the thought to die."

Lei Xing blinked then opened her mouth but was not sure what to say and so closed it. She really wanted to kick herself into a volcano now, emotionally fragile situations was not something she handled well. She looked down and frowned, thinking of what she could possibly say. 

{...He just wanted he wanted to commit suicide... Um, what do I say to that? Don't?... But it's in the past, right? I don't know T_T)...}

The Emperor looked at her and then poked her forehead, and she frowned at his finger, he smiled and said, "As you can see I'm alive and well..." 

The Emperor then continued their leisure walk, pulling her along and calmly continued, "I wasn't planning to just stand there and die. Of course, I planned to fight...But the battlefield is a dangerous place and death comes in an instant. if I died there, it would be an honorable death, simply be an unfortunate event. No more expectations, no more responsibilities and no more...Nothing, that would've been the end and I wouldn't have had to come back here anymore..."

The Emperor sighed, "...But alas, I survived. In the end, I couldn't die and I ended up taking on all the expectations, responsibilities...and errors to be rectified. Fate always seems to have its own plan despite our wants...But it's not always too bad." He said glancing at Lei Xing. She was one thing fate proposed that he had come to like, quite a bit.

Hearing all this, Lei Xing did not know what to think or say. She subconsciously squeezed the hand holding hers a little. The Emperor glanced at Lei Xing and could see the worry on her face and felt comforted. He smiled at her reassuringly and continued, "As you know, my mother was the Xia princess and of course, that means that I am half Xia and as Xia royalty, we have a duty to ensure the livelihoods and wellbeing of our people. Yet I now rule an empire where they are oppressed slaves...So naturally, I have a duty to free my people, but doing that successfully takes time and planning..."

Lei Xing knit her brows, she thought it was good that he wanted to free his people but then thinking of the other slaves who were unlucky enough not to be from Xia she thought it was unfair and would probably lead to more unrest and grievances in his direction.

It could potentially cause an uprising, especially given the details of that story she read. If the enslaving started with Xia and it was a result of their Princess's actions. The angry and oppressed people could construe that to mean, if not for the Xia princess angering the then Emperor, they could have simply been absorbed into Long country as its citizens like was the result of earlier conquests. 

The enslaving was the Long Emperor's punishment to the Xia princess and the effect trickled down to other countries. If he now freed the Xia people because of the same Xia princess, what about the other countries who suffered the same fate?

Of course, Lei Xing did not really think it was the Empress dowager's fault, it was an enraging situation and she was grieving. It was also preposterous for him to still have expected the Empress dowager to still have happily been with him. Lei Xing thought that if it were her, she would hate him too. But angry people suffering won't be as sympathetic to her plight at the time. Their suffering outweighs hers in the long run and so lei Xing could not help but mention, "If you free just one set of people, won't that potentially cause other problems?"

The Emperor raised his eyebrows then smiled at her and pat her cheek, "This is one of the reasons I like you. You're smart and reasonable...I wish others could easily understand this point too." He said, sighing as he thought of his mother.

Lei Xing frowned and looked down as her heart jumped and her ears turned slightly red. 

{...He has been mentioning that quite a bit today, it's... a bit annoying...Yes, that's what it is...}

"I think the same as well...I consider everyone within our border as our citizens. It is a complicated process but I plan to do away with the slave system entirely. Years have passed and new lives have been built where theirs once were, so I can't say I will restore their former lives, especially not in the cases of the nobles. But I can give them the freedom to live their lives...How much will be enough to restart their lives? How to handle the nobles who currently profit from having slaves? How to help them rebuild their lives? Where will they go? I have been busily working on measures to smoothly make the transition. Although there's bound to still be problems. Problems come with change, it is unavoidable."

Listening to this, Lei Xing was quite surprised by his reasoning. She did not expect this at all and was honestly re-evaluating her perception of him. She never thought he was a bad person or anything, she just never expected to care this much or to think this much of the people. It was honestly refreshing.

"But it will all work out in the end. Even if some nobles want to start trouble, they lack the manpower for it, I have a mass army and they have a few slaves who will then be free. There will be little insurgents if any...They will probably be too busy trying to rally their disgruntled troops." He finished with a chuckle as he thought of a certain disgruntled brother of his who will probably be a raging bull with this development.

Lei Xing looked at him for a bit, then smiled and said, "You are a good Emperor. I say good for now because you are still new to the position. But you are most likely to end up a great Emperor in history since you care so much for your people. It is a truly noble aspiration."

The Emperor stopped walking and looked at her. They were walking currently by the canal and there were not many people around. She was smiling at him and he lightly smiled back and then took her hands and looked at their joined hands for a bit. She made him happy, truly happy.

Lei Xing slightly knit her brows, feeling a bit nervous, the atmosphere was seemed a bit odd. The Emperor looked up at her and her heart jumped and she took a deep breath. He smiled at her and gently caressed her hands and Lei Xing blinked down and their hands and the Emperor softly said, "Xing er', I've been meaning to ask you something for a while now...I don't necessarily have to ask but I want to..."

Lei Xing glanced at him and then looked back down, she was feeling incredibly nervous now and her heart was jumping crazily. She gulped and tightly knit her brows. 

{...Doesn't this atmosphere feel like a - He wouldn't be...}

{...*Better remember our deal...}

Lei Xing's eyes went wide, she blinked a few times and felt panicked.

{...No way, this is - It's not happening!... You're misunderstanding -_-)...} 

{...*Hmph, we'll see...Just don't forget!...}