Volume 5 - CH 5.6

“Trample my wish underfoot and say it was the right thing to do.”

Her words appeared in and out of my head. I walked and walked, but the spirit world had no end. I felt my stomach ripping in response to my emotion. Over and over, the child stroked my belly from the inside. Each movement sent a jolt of pain through me.

“I don’t know anymore,” I muttered, the cigarette still in my mouth.

It would have been better if they only wanted to kill. It would’ve helped if they regarded me with clear animosity. But although the cat lacked morals, she wasn’t entirely malicious. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to sympathize with her.

What she had done was horrible. The monster that was conceived in her belly had to be killed.

I decided to kill the fox.

My lips quivered, and the cigarette fell, buried itself into the ground. It hardened as though trapped in amber. I stepped on it and continued onward. My head hurt so bad. Tears spilled down my face for no reason, and memories flashed through my mind.

The cat’s smile. The fox. Their victims. Images came and went. I would never forgive them. I decided to destroy the cat’s wish. I told myself that I would crush it. I made up my mind never to burden myself with the fox.

I must never forget my rage.

So I averted my eyes back then.

I ignored the numerous facts and put a lid on the complicated emotions.

It was like saying I didn’t care about the fox.

That was all I could do.

I exhaled hard. Blood soaked through my shirt, and pain made my body shiver. The spirit world was so deep, the path narrowing to hinder me.

“Fuck!”

Wiping away my tears, I stopped. I removed my tie and slammed it onto the ground.

It was hard to breathe. I grabbed my shirt by the chest and pulled hard. Two buttons flew off. The wet wall, reminiscent of stomach lining, was swollen, and two lumps of flesh that looked like malignant tumors were blocking the way. There was only a small space between them.

“God damn it,” I spat.

I rolled up my sleeves and plunged my arm into the space between the lumps of flesh. Despite its wet appearance, it felt soft and dry. It was like putting my hand in cotton wool. There was no resistance. Still, I pushed the lump of flesh. I tried to move the strange object that was blocking my path. I had to go forward. There was no time to dilly-dally.

“If you’re determined not to get lost in the spirit world, you will arrive at your destination.”

“But if you hesitate, you will be lost forever.”

Yuri’s voice played in my mind. I scraped off the lump of flesh in front of me with my arm. Nectar-like mucus flowed from the destroyed wall. It sealed the wound and repaired the wall.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up. I already made up my mind.”

There was no such thing as unyielding determination. I didn’t have one.

But I decided to go on, nonetheless. I’d already set my mind on it.

The monster must not emerge in the real world.

I had to see the fox.

“Shut up and get out of my way!”

My palm dug into the wall and penetrated through.

My fingers interlaced with another’s.

Sounds halted. My eardrums tightened like I was underwater.

My eyes widened. The mass of flesh in front of me diffused like melting paint and vanished.

A woman was standing before me in a pure-white space. Her fingers were intertwined with mine.

Her vermilion lips moved.

“I see,” she said in a low voice. “Interesting. If that’s what you want, I can show you the way. It’s boring here.” She brought her lips to my ears. It smelled sweet. “Go. And forget.”

The woman’s hand pushed me, and the world spun. My vision was warped like melted candy. Magnificent colors danced, surged like a flood. Then my vision shattered, and my eyes were crushed.

I opened my eyes.

Darkness peeled away, and I could see the world once more.

Behind me was a wall of flesh that I had managed to push aside. It was now solid as ice. The spirit world was an extremely bizarre place. I felt fortunate that I was able to clear a path. I didn’t have much time left. I started walking, then stopped in my tracks.

Red tailfin glided in the blood-colored air. A goldfish sprang before my eyes.

The goldfish was back. It moved around me as though delighted. Its fins brushed my body several times. Suddenly, it froze.

The goldfish moved its tail fins. Its red eyes turned back.

There was a narrow path there reminiscent of a birth canal.

The goldfish started swimming slowly. I followed it, gun at the ready.

I knew what lay ahead.

I didn’t know what to say once I made it there.

My field of vision narrowed, as if the lights had been dimmed.

The fox was waiting for me at the end of the path.

First, the word ‘predation’ came to mind.

A human body was buried in the wall.

The wall of flesh had swallowed his ashen body, the lower half and his arms buried in flesh, leaving only a bit of his chest out in the open. After spending more than a month in the spirit world, his platinum blonde hair had completely lost its color. His downcast face was hidden by gray hair.

He looked like he was crucified. Or he was being eaten alive.

A fetus fusing with the walls of the womb. A baby being eaten by its mother.

Twisted images swirled in my mind.

He should have noticed my arrival, but he said nothing. He was silent, hanging his head.

“Asato,” I called.

I knew that I should just shoot without saying a word. The goldfish waved its fins in protest. But I didn’t have it in me to pull the trigger right away.

The fox made contact with the cat and granted her wish. Why would he go so far to grant people’s wishes? Did his hatred of Mayuzumi run that deep?

I wanted to know the answer.

I wanted a reason to shoot him.

“Answer me, Asato.”

There was no reply. Just the sound of soft, whistle-like breathing.

It was so soft that it could stop at any moment. My brows knitted, and I broke out in cold sweat. I realized what was happening.

The fox was unconscious.

He was completely out of it.

Chaos ensued in my head. My hand holding the gun trembled.

What does this mean?

The cat called herself a messenger of the fox, but the fox didn’t appear to be in any condition to give instructions to others. I thought back to Yuri’s words. The cat said she fell in love with the fox.

But she also said he was unaware.

She wanted to give birth to him.

Foxes are creatures that grant wishes. I pondered over this fact.

What if he was unconsciously forced to grant Yuri’s wish?

What did I come here to kill?

My whole body started shaking. I couldn’t hold the gun up. Staring at the fox, I froze. His sunken cheeks were covered with vomit and excreta. His gray hair was tangled and clumped into several strands. He looked miserable, as though he had spent a hundred years here alone.

“Regardless, he’s the root cause of this tragic case,” said a solemn voice.

If the fox had not granted the cat’s wish, none of them would have died.

I raised my head. The goldfish opened and closed its mouth, words spilling from within like bubbles. It watched me quietly. It looked the same, but its aura had changed completely. Its wet eyes betrayed clear intellect.

“…Mayu-san.”

The goldfish voiced Mayuzumi’s words. There was no expression in its eyes. I swallowed and shifted my gaze to the emaciated fox in front of me.

He looked like he could die at any moment. His thin arms twitched from time to time. He coughed weakly, spitting out bloody phlegm. Still, the fox did not wake up. Drool dribbled down from his mouth.

Abruptly, things stopped making any sense.

Why should I kill him?

“To kill the monster.”

A cold voice snapped me back to my senses. I sensed the goldfish floating beside me. When I closed my eyes, it was as if Mayuzumi was standing beside me.

I heard chocolate crumbling. A view from somewhere far was being projected inside the goldfish’s mouth.

Mayuzumi was staring at the fox with an icy gaze.

Dressed in a mourning attire, she smelled of sweet candy.

“‘If it’s difficult for you, think of it as killing the monster in Yuri’s belly, not the fox. The only way to kill it is to eliminate the fox from the spirit world. You don’t have to torment yourself. You have every reason to kill him. Besides, staying in the spirit world is much harsher than dying.”

I readjusted the gun in my hand. I released the safety and pulled the slide. Little by little, I moved closer to the fox. I thought about my objective over and over.

I was here to kill the monster in Yuri’s belly. The definition of a monster included both cannibals and the undead. The monster in Yuri’s belly would be an even more powerful demon than Uka. We could not allow it to be birthed. It didn’t matter if the fox was unconscious. He had committed countless atrocities to deserve death. Many people had died because of him.

To kill the monster, I had to kill the fox.

Then it hit me.

This was like an unreasonable game.