Chapter 315 - Love & Chaos

Long fingers arranged the arrow into the bow and string that was haphazardly drawn right after and then released.

THWIP!

The projectile unsystematically shot, of course, failed to hit the target meters ahead and joined its companions which were embedded on the wall or on the floor. For the umpteenth time, the Koutaishidenka missed.

The look of frustration marred Homura Ryuu's face; his lips clamped in a tight line as he nocked another arrow and drew. Without even pausing to calm himself first, he released the projectile.

THWIP!

The arrow swerved and didn't even reach the target at all as it fell and embedded a couple of meters from the other arrows. It was the worst shot so far. The tension in the Young Master's body increased, his hand tight as he gripped the bow hard. Any more and the bamboo limb would have snapped.

"I've never seen you this clumsy before," a familiar voice suddenly spoke directly behind him that made him stand up straight as the tension he was feeling increased by tenfold.

"My archery teacher told me not to touch the bow and the arrow, ever, if my heart and mind are cloudy. It would reflect on my aim and I wouldn't be able to hit anything," the voice continued.

This time, pain flickered in Ryuu's ice-blue gaze as the words sounded so familiar. It was the very same words he had told his wife a long, long time ago when he taught her archery. He fully understood that it was such a mockery for his words to be spoken back to him by the very same student he had imparted it to.

At the periphery of his eye, he discerned the servants retreating from the room one by one but he didn't say anything until each and every one of them had left.

"You told me you won't come back," he said.

He had planned on controlling his voice but failed to avoid his pain from echoing in his tone when he spoke. His self-hatred increased with his shame. The last thing he wanted to happen was to sound like a sulking child, but he did.

"Yet," Suzuki Ara added to his words as she stared at the familiar back of the man she missed so much.

Ryuu still had his back on her, and it seemed he was not planning on turning around to face her. But it was alright. She understood why. Her husband was at his most vulnerable as what his archery told her. In his heart and in his mind was chaos that was eating him up.

"You asked me earlier if I was going to return, but I said no," Ara continued as she stepped closer and closer until she could feel the heat of his body. "But that was earlier. Now, I do."

Her last words came out as a whisper, and Ryuu's body started to tremble ever so slightly. The chaos within was starting to come out and explode.

Again, it was alright. Because Ara was now truly back to face the chaos. She would stop running away to lick her wounds alone. She was here to lay bare all her scars and to see Ryuu's wounds as well, the ones she didn't believe he had in his soul and in his heart until she remembered how he had suffered.

At least, as Alencica, she was given the privilege to die and not remember. Whereas Kresnik had to live through each and every pain and chose to die over and over again so he could follow her soul.

"Alencica…"

Ryuu's voice came out hoarse as he tried to turn around, but Ara quickly hugged him from behind and buried her face on his back. "I love you…"

Silence hung in the air as soon as the words left her mouth. Then, as if he finally understood, Ryuu's body gradually relaxed. The hand that held his bow lowered while the placed the other on top of hers that clung to him.

"And I miss you. I miss you so much," she added, her embrace tightening around his waist. "I'm so sorry for not thinking about you. I'm angry about what happened. But I realized you must have suffered so much as well."

"I…" Ryuu started but a lump in his throat prevented him from speaking continuously. He swallowed. "I betrayed you. I didn't keep my wedding vows. Even if I couldn't remember, I shouldn't have done that."

It was a helpless situation. Kresnik was born, raised, and lived as a normal Gedian due to his memory loss. He had wed another woman and had children with her. Even if he, as Vladimir did not love Samara, the fact was that he still had a relationship with her.

Ara shook her head, in her mind was Ivan's smiling face. "It's alright. I don't care," she announced adamantly. "When we fought yesterday, when you took on my lightning, I was beyond scared. I thought you would die."

Tears started rolling from her eyes as she remembered all the fears and the cocktail of emotions that overwhelmed her.   However, in spite of the plethora of sentiments at that moment, there was one emotion that came out the most powerful.

She loved him.

"At that time, I didn't care what you did; I didn't want you to leave me. What happened to me doesn't matter anymore. I asked for a time away from you but that only made me feel emptier. I don't want to drag on the pain. I don't want to separate from you again. As long as you're here, as long as you'll be by my side form now on, I will forgive you – and you have to forgive me too."

"Forgive you? For what?"

"Kresnik, even if you think otherwise, I made you suffer so much, my love," Ara answered. "I made you kill me. Whenever I died, it made you kill yourself to force your soul to be reincarnated."

Ara was aware that when someone forced himself to go to the cycle of reincarnation over and over again, there's a high probability that memories and divine power would be lost.

It was what happened to Ryuu, twice, one as Vladimir and the other as Homura Ryuu.

"But I want to be with you!"Ryuu declared hoarsely, miserably.

"That's why!"Ara cried. "That's why it doesn't matter. We've been so lost for a long, long time. It's enough. We've suffered enough. I just want to put an end to the curse and be with you for real."

With this, the Koutaishidenka dropped the bow and pried her arms open so he could turn around to face her. The sight of her tear-stained face was like an arrow shot through his heart. He cupped her cheeks with his hands, and Ara held them in place as they stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. When another tear fell, he used his thumb to wipe it away.

"I love you…" he whispered as his equally tear-stained face that was contorted in agony just earlier softened into a smile. "And I miss you too."

Slowly, his head descended towards her upturned face, his lips locking with hers into a kiss. It was hesitant at first and tasted salty with tears. However, it gradually deepened and became more urgent as his arms wrapped around her waist and the small of her back to pull her against his body.  

The salty tang when their lips first locked vanished and evolved into a searing sweetness. Their hearts, their souls which were embroiled with bitter memories, pain, and guilt were washed clean gradually.

When their lips finally separated, they remained staring breathlessly at each other, their eyes marveling at this moment. For them, it had been a long while since they'd last held each other like this – with nothing but love that shone in their orbs and peaceful rhythm of their hearts in their chest.   

With a smile, Ara pushed Ryuu and made him turn his back on her once more. She picked up his bow and arrow and guided his hand to nock the projectile. Sensing her intention, the Koutaishidenka moved on his own. He drew the string far back with Ara still holding onto him.

"This is our hatred, this is our pain," Ara recited as she signaled for Ryuu to let go. "Release!"

The arrow shot straight and true. It was not surprising that it found its target as the chaos in their hearts that's keeping the arrow from going into the right direction had vanished.

A bullseye!

For her, satisfying her grudge was nothing compared to losing him.

For him, he'd do anything to be with her as he'd always done. He might still not be able to forgive himself as easily as she'd forgiven him, but he vowed to make things right from today onwards.