Chapter 313 - The Past or the Future

"Stupid Kresnik…"

Ara felt lonely in her heart – but not because of the betrayal. Surprisingly, she didn't mind it much since she was not there. Also, just like her multiple deaths, it was a situation that was out of everybody's hands including the gods themselves.

If Perun, her father made so many mistakes, why not Kresnik? Or Stribog, for the matter. Their situation had already proven time and time again that gods weren't that omniscient or infallible.

Everyone – all of them played a part in this cycle of tragedy. They made mistakes. But then, through those mistakes, something good came out of them as well.

Ara's gaze softened as she looked at Ivan. Normally, she would have felt bad or hurt looking at him, as Ryuu had felt guilty. But to her, to Alinea who grew up knowing the Emperor of Kres, the kind big brother figure, she couldn't feel anything negative in her heart at all.

Ivan's existence… If Kresnik as Vladimir didn't forget his memories of Alencica and married someone else in that lifetime, he wouldn't have had his children, one of which was the father of Ivan. She couldn't hate him. She could only be thankful of his existence.

"Ali, are you unhappy with me?" Ivan asked his brows high as he pouted like a pup and she chuckled as she shook her hear.

"Of course, not."

How could she?

"Then you should tell grandpa that. It's been eating him up inside since he recovered his memories as Vladimir. You should know. It was taught in history lessons after all how the Returner to Ancestry Emperor ended up."

Ivan's words washed over Ara like an ice-cold wave, enveloping her heart before settling in her stomach.

How could she have forgotten?

"Why? Who is this Vladimir person?"Rin asked as she and Midori were the only ones who had no idea what they were talking about.

"It's Ryuu in his past life. He was the Emperor of Kres, and Ivan's grandfather," Kazehaya Gin explained.

"Oh, so what happened to him?" Midori asked curiously, making the Wind God chuckle at how interested they were. But it was only natural as they were friends with Ara, and that they were already in too deep with the matters of the deities and demigods.

"My grandfather, when he finally remembered who he was, succumbed deeply into depression and guilt. It ate him up inside until it became too unbearable. He killed himself by drinking poison."

Silence met Ivan's words as was expected. Ara who already thought about that closed her eyes, and a tear fell from one down to her cheek. She could clearly imagine the lonely Kresnik, wishing so badly for his own demise, cursing his existence, until he finally ended his own life.  

Ara somewhat felt ashamed. She didn't want to deal with her husband at the moment because she still felt she had suffered so much and the grudge she carried wouldn't go away so soon. However, she now realized that she had focused too much on her side of the coin.

Indeed, she had suffered. But didn't Kresnik suffer a lot too?

Ara knew that Kresnik had been following her soul in every lifetime. Whenever he lost her, he would choose to die as well to force himself to go to the cycle of reincarnation. His desperate acts to follow Alencica were what caused his memories to be blocked in the first place.

Knowing this, could she still blame him?

Suddenly, a warm hand reached out for her and wiped her tears with his thumb. When she opened her eyes, Ivan's Jade green ones looked at her intensely, as if imploring her to understand, and to forgive without saying those exact words. Instead, he told her about her choices.

"Ali, your feelings are your own. Whether you love or hate them is up to you. Whether you forgive them or not is also up to you. The question is, now that everything's clear and you know the truth, will you love or will you continue to hate? If you do, then until when? Wasting this lifetime is also of course, your choice."

Ivan drank the last drop of his Frappuccino, and wiped a droplet that strayed down his chin with the very same hand he used to wipe her tears. This elicited a smile on her face, finally. How could this clumsy big brother give such good advices out of the blue? She couldn't help but remember that Sonoda Hiroaki had the penchant for this as well.

"So, what are we going to do for now?"

Ara was quiet for a moment, but not because she was thinking of her pain or her anger before answering anything. After today, when she saw Ryuu again, and her talk with Ivan and the others just now, she finally realized what she wanted. She irrevocably understood what she needed to do.

The past? It was indeed painful. But it would be more painful when the chance to make things right presented itself and she didn't take it because she chose to wallow in what already happened. Ara chose to be with the people she loved in the future.

"I," she began, and everyone looked at her with kind, understanding faces, their smiles encouraging as if they already knew what she was going to say. She smiled back, feeling her low spirit rise with their reassurance.  

"I'm going to the Cedar Palace,"Ara announced to everyone, her voice firm and decided. She wanted to see her husband. She wanted to be with him – to be close to him right now.

"Then go ahead," Gin said as he surreptitiously created a portal to the space next to Ara. The place where they were was at the far back of the café so it was hidden from the rest of the few patrons at that time.

"Uncle…this…"

Gin grinned and winked at her. "No use wasting precious minutes taking the cab to go there, right?"

Ara grinned back, her face beaming with happiness as she mouthed her thanks to her softy uncle. She waved her hand and quickly turned and stepped into the portal which disappeared with her right after.

"Awww, she's really grown up now," Ivan commented dreamily after she was gone.

"Well, she's technically your step-grandma, you know," Gin teased, and the Flame Emperor turned to him.

"But great-great-great –"

"Call me Gin – no great," Gin interrupted blandly, making Rin and Midori giggle.

"G-Gin, do you think I could stay with you for a few days until I could talk to Ali again? I still need to explain to her about her father," Ivan said, making Gin's eyes wide.

"You… You met my brother?"

The Flame Emperor nodded. "How do you think I knew it was you? You look very similar to Ritz, save for the coloring."

"Ritz?" Gin frowned.

"Ritz is Alistair Johann de Lancret, the current King of Ritz, Alinea's brother. He is also the Returner to Ancestry of the King of Heaven, Perun, Alencica's father."