Chapter 142 - Confessions

"I was jealous…."

"Oh…"

Suzuki Ara looked like she was at a loss as to what to say. Homura Ryuu's sudden confession might have been too shocking for her. He had no idea that the woman he felt guilty about was actually thinking that he was very cute at this moment, with him looking like a guilty puppy.

Well, he was guilty.

Homura Ryuu was born with the proverbial silver spoon – the heir to the Homura House. He, of course, was also a returner to ancestry. His prince and deity status had made him proud – too proud. But in spite of it all, he was also a coward.

Upon hearing about her running after another man, he was beyond livid. His infamous volatile temper had gotten the best of him, and he even chose to forsake her. He made all the detectives they hired to monitor Ara withdraw. At that time, he didn't care anymore even if his clan was doomed. He was too angry and he feared the thought of being rejected in person. He didn't dare show his face to her anymore.

All he ever cared about was that the girl he'd been longing to see for so long – the one who had shyly looked at him from behind the window had let him down.

Of course, the Kazehaya House took over monitoring her, although not serious enough for them to send the Fuuma to do the job. It was another huge error on their part.

When she had the accident…

His world nearly stopped when he thought she had died. His anger had sustained him, masking his hurt pride over what he thought was her rejection, making him harden his stance towards her for more than a year. But that one night, his fear of her death had devoured him despite his stubbornness. He had secluded himself in his room the whole time she was sleeping, fighting his guilt and inner demons. He only emerged from his room to clear his mind by doing archery that evening when Kazehaya had come to visit and informed him that she had finally woken up. 

"I was a fool who had once chosen to give you up," Homura Ryuu told her honestly. "It's not that I couldn't – I didn't confirm the rumors and had thought the worst – I'm the worst…"

His voice came out hoarse, reflecting his shame. He knew it would look hideous, but he didn't hide his tormented expression from her.

"Ara, now you know how unreliable I could be. I'm petty, and I am stubborn. I let you down at the time you needed someone the most. I'm so sorry."

He reached out and took her hand and clasped them firmly in his. "You can slap me or call me names – I deserve them. Just don't… Don't leave me," he continued, the last part coming out in an anguished whisper.

Homura Ryuu didn't know why he said all these things. Things were really good between them already. He didn't have to remind her of his abandonment – not that she was aware of his existence before, but still, desertion on his part.

For the first time in his life, he braced himself for a possible rejection. His body was tensed, his face taut as he unconsciously bit his lip. As if he couldn't take it, he even turned away from Ara, not wanting to see her look of disdain towards him.

"Homura Ryuu," Ara's firm voice gave him no choice but to look at her again.

His breath hitched upon seeing her stern expression, and all the negative feelings started broiling inside his chest until…

She smiled.

Huh?

His brain couldn't understand what his eyes just saw. After everything he said, it was not impossible that she'd hate him. But she smiled.

The soft curve of her lips as they turned up was like the sun – warm and bright. He had no idea how it happened, but it felt as if the darkness gnawing at his chest was being chased away.

He felt her dislodge her hands from his grasp, so she could touch his face. The gentle caress on his visage felt very comforting, the action making him feel hopeful.

"Thank you for telling me this," she said afterwards.

Her lack of animosity made him start breathing easily. "Aren't you angry?"

"Silly," Ara told him as she rubbed his face as one would to a puppy.

Huh?

"It's already enough that you regret it," she said. "As for those rumors, I was aware of them. I could have given effort and cleared them easily but I never bothered. Isn't it my fault as well?"

"But if I came to you and checked properly, wouldn't you have done something to clear it? Instead, I took the coward's way and abandoned you."

"And as I said, it's already enough that you regret it," Ara told him firmly. "My darling, we will not go anywhere if we keep dwelling on things we can't do anything about now."

With this, Homura Ryuu had to agree. It was already in the past. Regardless that he knew he was at fault, he didn't really want her to hate him. Still…

"And my pettiness, stubbornness and selfishness?"

Ara chuckled. "Why? Aren't those part of the recipe for being human?"

HA?

Homura Ryuu blinked several times, unsure of how he'd react. "H-human?" he managed to croak.

Ara nodded. "Yes. I guess humans all have brains to help them see things in a rational way. But humans are creatures with a heart too – a heart with desires and hopes. If things do not go their way, they tend to feel negative that makes them act impulsively, no?"

The Koutaishidenka was thoughtful for a while. Gone was his earlier fear. It was now replaced by a warm feeling and pride that this woman – his woman could be so understanding and forgiving. However, there was something wrong with her statement.

"Ara? Why do you speak as if it has nothing to do with you? Aren't you human yourself?"

He watched her sputter and laugh nervously, it was confusing.

"Of course I am! I was just trying to talk objectively about human nature, okay?" she explained hurriedly with a funny expression, he couldn't help but finally smile. Her smiles were just that infectious.

Then, a crazy impulse came to him. With a mischievous glint in his ice-blue eyes, he bent forward to whisper in her ear. "Guess what? I'm not human. I'm a god…"