Chapter 133 - Feelings

Suzuki Ara watched Kazehaya Gin walk out of the dojo with a frown until he disappeared out of sight. It was the only time she finally relaxed and leaned back against Ryuu's chest, as if she too was exhausted.

"Are you okay?"

She tilted her head up to see Ryuu's amused blue gaze staring down at her.

"No," she answered flatly as she pivoted on her heels to face him.

"You're not okay?" Ryuu was seriously looking her over to check if she was sick or injured. 

"I'm okay physically but I'm not okay here," she pointed at her heart, but the dratted guy thought she was talking about her breast and was about to reach out to touch them.

"Not my boobs," Ara gritted her teeth as she slapped her fiancé's naughty hands away. 

Seriously! She had no idea how her quiet archer prince had escalated to such a pervert in a short time.

"You're confusing me, woman," Ryuu complained with a frown. He was really thinking she had pain in her chest area and wanted to take a look.

Ara wanted to pull her hair out in exasperation. "I'm not sick. I'm not injured. I'm unhappy," she declared.

Ryuu looked taken aback. The happy glitter in his ice-blue gaze died as he solemnly looked away from her. "W-why?" he asked softly, his demeanor was that of a scolded puppy, and yet there was a certain tension in his body too.

Ara realized then that she'd been too harsh on him. She reached out her hands to cup his face and made him stare at her.

"I'm sorry," she apologized softly. "I didn't mean to snap on you," she continued and Ryuu seemed to relax again. 

"What was wrong then?" he asked.

Ara sighed as she recalled how agitated she had been earlier at breakfast. "I just asked Kaze-nii and oniichan about their opinion whether if I was jealous or not, but I realized I made Kaze-nii misunderstand and think I really felt bad about Emi – I mean still feel bad about her and you. So when he left, I felt restless so I thought to find you."

"You came looking for me because you were anxious?" he asked in surprise, and when she nodded, he finally smiled. 

"Well, not anymore," Ara answered honestly. 

She had arrived just in time for Kou's scandalous announcement that all anxiety fled out of her system replaced by embarrassment. "At least not about Kaze-nii," she continued before frowning.

"I'm unhappy about you telling others about our private matters though," she told him grumpily.

"Huh? But didn't you ask them about our personal matters too?"Ryuu asked, looking confused.

Before Kou misunderstood, however, she elaborated. "I mean I'm alright with you discussing things with Big Bro Kaze, since we all need good advice or two from friends. But I hate it that you talk loudly about it. It's so embarrassing."

Remembering the loud declaration of ownership of the Koutaishidenka's man parts, Ara turned scarlet all over again. Conversely, Ryuu, upon understanding what upset her earlier pulled her close to him again and gave her a hug.

"I'm so sorry. Gin-nii made it difficult for me earlier and I got upset too. I shouldn't have yelled something like that," he apologized.

Feeling appeased, Ara, relaxed in his embrace. She felt at peace again. They stayed hugging like that in the room quietly, with neither of them speaking. The servants who had been there earlier to wait on the Koutaishidenka had disappeared tactfully one by one, leaving the lovers alone in their private moments.

"It's nice, isn't it?" she asked afterwards.

"Which one?"

"This."

"Hugging?"

Ara smiled softly, her nose scrunched to inhale his manly scent. "Yeah. Hugging and knowing what you think."

"Knowing what I think is nice?" Ryuu chuckled, and Ara could feel the rumbling of his mirth in his chest.

"Of course," Ara agreed. "It's reassuring," she said. "Do you know what the scariest feeling in the world is?"

Ryuu was silent for a moment before responding. "What?"

"It's when you care about a person but you don't know what to do or say or act because you have no idea what they're thinking."

"Oh? It's not seeing spiders?"Ryuu teased, and Ara lifted her head to scowl at his grinning face.

"I'm being serious here," she complained as she struggled to break free of his hold which made him chuckle again as he tightened his arms around her.

"I was just jesting," he murmured to her ear. "You shouldn't be scared. I'll always try my best to talk to you when there's something on my mind. As long as it's possible."

"As long as it's possible?"Ara was confused. "But isn't that the same as not knowing what you think at times?"

Ryuu chuckled. "Ara, to let one's thoughts known all the time is not always possible. There are instances that may prevent this – safety, not being ready emotionally – even a simple surprise is also a circumstance you cannot let someone else know what you think, right? Else it wouldn't be one anymore."

"I know – but what I'm saying –"

"I know what you meant my princess," Ryuu interrupted. There were things he could tell her and some that he couldn't – at least not for now. "That's why I promise you, I will let you know everything that's possible."

Ara was thoughtful for a while as if she's considering his words carefully, before nodding in agreement. It was the best he could compromise with her for the moment, and she should understand.

"Also," she hesitated, but continued anyway since she, herself said to let each other know their thoughts. This was something she felt she had to let out in the open.

"Also?"Ryuu prompted kindly.

"In the event that you don't want me anymore," Ara began, and Ryuu frowned but did not interrupt her. "Don't cheat on me. Tell me and then set me free, and I will do the same."

Hearing her words, his hold on her tightened, as flashes of distant memories played in his mind, and his face looked grim.

"Never," he said, his voice sounding fiercer than usual. He pushed her far enough so he could cup her face with his hands so they could see eye to eye. "I've been searching for you for several lifetimes. I will not let you go…"