Chapter 348: Envy made Manifest.

Chapter 348: Envy made Manifest.

Clothes? Check! Hair? Check! Make-up? Check! Backpack full? Check! Nails? Check! And, lastly, a smile?

Using my two index fingers, I pushed up the ends of my mouth, forming them into a big, wide smile. Messing with my face a bit more, I made it look more gentle, but that wasnt how an idol should be. Sharpening my eyes, I finally ended up with the perfect grin an energy-filled smile which could infect others.

Nice! Check!

Practicing how to smile and make certain facial expressions was important, as an idol had to know how to do fanservice. Fans and stans were our lifeblood, losing them would stifle my growth and potential future. I had to look pure and innocent, without even a speck of drama, otherwise a single problem could make people want to cancel me. Couldnt afford the haters as a rising star, right?

Even if it was just school, I had to make sure my silky black hair was styled correctly and that my make-up was placed juuuust right. Mama taught me how to do it properly, but it was kinda hard not to overdo it. It was just school, after all, so I had to use less than I would on stage. I couldnt exactly come in totally prettied up, and besides, the school had a rule against heavy make-up usage, so shouldnt break that either.

Haaa I let out a small sigh after getting ready for school, before hyping myself up. Even if I didnt like going to school, I still had to!

You dont know when youll need it, so go learn! Your idol training will stop if you cant put any effort outside of it! Papa said bleh. But, I guess hes right. Compromises are kinda important, and Papa and Mama are probably worried about my grandparents opinion of me. If my daughter was sooooo focused on becoming an idol, to the point she forgot everything else, I would be worried, too.

Nevertheless, that was how my life was. However, before I left my room, I did a double check in front of my mirror. Yup, this was me. Long black hair which went down my back, black eyes and thick brows like Mamas, a rounded nose and strong cheekbones from Papa, and a pretty soft jawline from my paternal grandmother.

Half-Japanese, Half-German. That was me. The rest of my body was what you would expect from a 15-year-old, although I kinda wished I was a bit curvier. Then again, Mama wasnt exactly stacked, but puberty still hadnt ended yet for me! I could still grow!

Now to totally hype myself up for the rest of the day, I struck a pose in front of the mirror. I could see my image twinkling behind my room light, to the point I couldnt help but call myself cute! Shine bright!

H*****! Ganbare! (You can do it!)

YOU!

Eeeeeeeeeeek!

I flinched back, recoiling from something suddenly appearing inside my mirror. In the process, I tripped over my schoolbag, falling hard on my butt.

Ow!

Wincing, I snapped my eyes back at the mirror, only to see myself there, sitting on the floor.

W-What in the?! I swear, I just saw something there!

A devil, or something similar. A person with shoulder-length red hair flaring up like flames with two large horns. Their ruby-colored eyes glared at me for that single second where I could hear someones voice, only for my mirror to be set on fire!

Of course, I would yelp at that! Who wouldnt? A bloody devil just appeared before me! Or, at least, I believed I saw something similar to that. However, my mirror wasnt burning nor was that face there.

Okay, maybe I should stop playing DQ late into the night. Maaaaybe going to sleep at 3am wasnt the smartest choice. Im seeing things, urgh.

It probably was all in my head. In any case, I stood back up and took my backpack and went out of my room. While going down the stairs, I noticed the beautiful day through our large windows, taking in the sight of our apartment.

Papa was pretty successful as a conductor, so our apartment was actually the penthouse of this building. We had some neighbors downstairs, but most were people Pepe knew from work. I knew the kids there, but we didnt have much in common outside of our families being in the music business. We got along well enough for being mere acquaintances, though.

Another day, same old city.

Ojou-sama, did something happen in your room? My attention was drawn towards an elderly Japanese woman, looking at me worriedly. This was my nanny.

O-Oh, I apologize, nothing happened. I just fell over my backpack. Im sorry for worrying you, Nanny. I smiled wryly, looking embarrassed, which made her giggle a bit before rushing me to breakfast with a warm smile.

Well, if nothing hurts, then its all fine. Come, breakfast is ready. Eat with your Mother.

Nanny was actually Mamas nanny back from when she was still a child, but Nanny followed Mama to Germany and then to New York after Mama and Papa got married. My maternal grandparents were extremely traditional and rich, so Mama was brought up like a noble lady as a result, which included somebody to help her out when she traveled abroad.

Nannys English and German weren't very good, but they were decent enough to communicate with people during grocery runs. Otherwise, she would speak Japanese at home since she was more comfortable with it, which was fine since our household could speak it fluently as well, even Papa. Then again, Nanny was pretty traditional due to her upbringing, so it was sometimes hard to be totally myself around her.

Still, love her all the same. Shes practically part of the family with how long shes been with us. She took care of me when I was still a newborn, so yeah.

Mama! Good morning! I greeted Mama with a wide grin, instantly recognizing the Japanese woman before me! Beautiful despite her age, and I was expecting to inherit her traits so my future idol company wouldnt force me into plastic surgery.

I then clapped my hands at the food before me. Nanny and Mama were an amazing cooking duo!

H*****, good mor

WAKE!

Urk! I twitched from suddenly hearing that voice again. Where was it coming from?!

U-Uh, are you okay? You look a bit pale, dear. I snapped my head back to Mama when I heard her worried voice, instantly denying anything was happening. O-Oh, I see? Is it that time of the month, again?

NO! I just had it two weeks ago, stop talking about it, jeez! I sat down on my seat, covering my face in my hands as Mama began giggling, as if what she was saying was funny. As if!

Tsk, what was that voice? I wondered once again.

Out of nowhere it just appeared, but why? Seriously, I didnt become crazy, yeah? Mentally ill? Sure, failing all those auditions was pretty demoralizing, but come on, that couldnt be the reason for this voice in my head. Mama and Nanny didnt hear it, so it probably was just my imagination. I mean, have I done anything wrong in my life to have some ghost haunt me? Ha!

Although, if that were true Brrrrr! Scary.

Mama and I had a Japanese-style breakfast together while Nanny pulled my long hair into a ponytail. We made some small talk about my singing and dancing training, where I avoided having to talk to her about my next audition. Sheesh, not a good topic at all for the morning, and from the way Mama and Papa are also pestering me about it, it really did feel like they were losing hope.

However, what was an idol but someone who can transcend these expectations? It was only a matter of time until I became a trainee! Right, just a matter of time before I get one scout to be interested in me! Just have to rush out of school after it's done and get back to training, and it will be A-Okay! Just gotta work hard, and I was sure I could make my parents proud.

In any case, after my belly was full, I said goodbye to both of them and went down with the elevator to the parking lot of the building. Since Mama and Papa couldnt always drive me to school, they hired a chauffeur, so that was how I was commuting. I took out my phone and earbuds and began playing some music while taking out some music paper.

Mhmm, mhmm, mhmm~ I hummed along to one of my favorite K-pop groups most recent comeback K-pop slang for a new song and began adjusting the notes and lyrics to a song I was writing for my next audition. I wasnt that talented in dancing, but what I was very good at was singing and writing songs, so this was my way to distinguish myself from everybody else.

Maybe rhyming would make it flow better. Adjust the melodies here, maybe a bit more violin. Probably should record myself. Hmm, maybe I should learn how to compose music on my laptops? Would make it easier than recording everything individually, but kinda feels like a cop-out. Papa hates electronic music or anything non-traditional.

The City specifically Manhattan for us New Yorkers was, as usual, pretty full even in the early mornings. I always had to wake up pretty early to get to school in time with the car, but it didnt really bother me too much. I could always sleep-in on the weekends, after all. Weekdays were training days, so I had to be active and keep that mindset.

Besides, all the honking and bustling noise of the city didnt bother me with my earbuds in. The traffic jam was a perfect excuse to do some homework or practice before school began, too. Honestly, it wasnt too bad after you got used to everything, and it just kept the city busy and interesting for the tourists. Broadways and Papas orchestras main clientele were non-New Yorkers, after all.

Although, I did hear the number of ticket bought by peeps in the city had grown, but Wait, hold on, HOMEWORK!

Ahhhhhhh! I yelled out as I pulled out a thick math book with a piece of paper stuck in between it. Pulling it out, I paled at how I forgot to do yesterdays math problems!

Clyde! I called out for my chauffeur.

Haha, again? You do know you cant continue doing all ye homework in the wee car, eh?

This is not a laughing matter! I chided my Scottish driver, urging him to help me with my work. Its for stupid Mrs. Mandison! Urgh, please, you need to help me! She hates my guts like the pest, and I cant fail these things otherwise shell have a reason to call in Mama! Please!

Aye, aye, jusht ashk me away. Have da keep my eyesh on the shtreets, right? Gotta stop telling me theshe problems in the car, Miss H*****.

UP!

! That ghost!

Young Miss? Clyde asked me, glancing at me with worry as I suddenly turned quiet.

N-Nothing! Nothing at all, just thought I saw some cute cat, I forced out, somehow avoiding him further asking what was wrong.

Haha! Another shtray? Always thought you like dogs more, Miss.

A-Ahaha, yeah

Why?!?!?!?! Urgh, whatever, WHATEVER! I understand, you ghost, I will stop playing games late into the night! Jeez!

If I ignored it, then it wouldnt exist, right? I was probably hearing things, so it was honestly just better to just concentrate on this homework before Mrs. Mandison kicked my butt for forgetting to do it.

In any case, after deciding to not hear the voice again, I began doing my homework, asking Clyde whenever I couldnt understand a certain problem. Algebra plus problems inside sentences made things pretty complicated for me, as not only did it demand logical thinking but also me remembering the formula, and I was currently too exhausted to remember them. That ghost voice really was just my body screaming to me to get more sleep, huh?

Clyde wasnt just my chauffeur, but also my private tutor. He was actually a foreign college student Papa took in cause Clyde was the nephew of one of his friends, and so began living inside the same building, albeit at a lower floor. Driving me around and tutoring me was his job, helping him finance his life as an engineering student.

Since I had to hear him, I took out my earbuds and that was when the sound of the city caught my attention for some reason. Even now, people were actively rushing along the sidewalks, either going to the subway or trying to advertise whatever service they were offering. The streets werent better, as the loud beeping of cars and even irritated shouting of their drivers made my chest tighten.

Strangely, I knew all of this but somehow, all of this was beginning to feel nostalgic. As if I went off to Japan and just came back. As if my mind was taking all of it in, despite all of this being a daily part of my life. Weird. I was pretty sure I hadnt gone traveling in a while.

I shook my head, ignoring even that and continued working through my math issues. After a while, I let out a deep sigh just as we arrived at my private school.

Robert Dawns Academy.

It was pretty much where I spent my entire middle school, and now freshman, years at, although it wasnt really my favorite place. Not only cause I was a terrible student outside of Music and P.E. classes although I was kinda good in Biology and English but also cause I had literally no friends here. Well, I had some, but we kinda drifted aparts. Part of life, I guess.

After saying goodbye to Clyde, I stepped into the academy and made my way to my first class. While doing so, I took a look around with my earbuds on, noticing the large campus and the numerous students walking past and around me, all gossiping or looking at their phones. Pretty much what you would expect from a high school, really.

Our school uniforms were one thing that would stand out. For the boys, there was a white shirt, blue-red blazer or vest, blue pants, shoes, and a tie, while the girls pretty much had the same outfit, although the majority opted for either long or short skirts. I chose the former, since Papa didnt like short skirts for my uniform.

Maybe, if I just went to sleep. Maybe

I raised my pen.

Maybe, then, Mama and Papa wouldnt always worry about me. Maybe

I tensed up my hand and gulped. Something inside me was trying to prevent me from doing it, but slowly but surely, it all disappeared. No resistance. Nothing at all. Just acceptance.

Its all just a pipe dream. Goodbye.

I closed my eyes and then my arm jerked.

Darkness.

Hiek! Hiek huek huek huek. Hirk!

Voice in my head? But why now?

We were idiots.

Idiots? Yeah. I guess we were.

Verdammt.

Indeed. Verdammt nochmal. Zur Hlle mit alles. (To hell with everything.)

No. Once is enough. Twice? NEVER! I will never leave our parents behind again! You WAKE UP!

Splat!

My eyes opened up again as I suddenly heard a sharp sound erupted next me, all while I felt somebody slap me on the cheeks.

Huh?

I blinked, now feeling somebody had also grabbed my arm. I slowly turned my head around, only to see that very devil I saw on Wednesday. Crimson-red hair going down to her shoulders, two large horns, eyes like a lizard, and fangs. But, strangely, this girl looked eerily similar to me.

A month of dreams is enough. Dont repeat the same mistake again!

The girl was crying.

Huh?

Something wet was on my cheeks. Touching it, it felt like my eyes were watery, too. Crying? Me? No, impossible, I made sure to promise myself to never cry. So why was I crying? Why was this girl who had the same face as me crying too? What is this?

H*****, Im home! Come down already, mein Schatz! The Sch****** familys tradition is about to begin!

Papa? Papa?

I dropped my pen into the bath, freed myself from this mysterious girls arm and pulled myself out of my bath.

We brought pizza and also bbq with us! Come down, H*k***!

Mama! Thats Papa and Mama!

I unlocked the door and opened it, suddenly noticing how extremely dark the hallway was. I couldnt find the light switch at all.

Ojou-sama, you should come down quickly! I will get your favorite stew ready!

Nanny! Nanny! Nanny!

I didnt care if I couldnt see, I could still hear! I could still hear all of them calling me.I rushed into the dark corridor, ignoring everything and just ran, ran towards their voices at the end of this tunnel! I didnt care whatever was holding me back, I didnt care if that weird girl was behind me.

I had to get to them!

Hey, Miss! Get down already, come on! Ye old man about to croak if you don Owwwgh! Come on, Sir, it wash just a wee joke!

Clyde! Thats you! I can hear you! Im coming!

My chest suddenly felt freed, as if all the emotions I was keeping inside myself was being set free to roam and wander wherever they wanted. I felt my eyes watering once again, accompanied by this unstoppable desire to meet them. I wanted to meet them so very much.

I wanted to see them again. Papa, Mama, Nanny, Clyde.

Hey, H*k**i! I dont have much time before I gotta go back, so come down already! Dont make us wait!

Seombae!

My dancing instructor's voice entered my ears again. They were calling me.

H*k**i! Come on, already!

Yeah, dont let us wait downstairs!

Your mother even invited us over, so get down already! We brought you boba!

Liz, Virgy, Claire! Im sorry, Im sorry, Im sorry, Im sorry!

Light, light at the end of this tunnel.

Please, w-huek! Wait!

My voice was breaking down from all my crying. I couldnt control myself. I just had to pass through that light. And the moment I would, I would

Staring out the window while it rains

No one here to talk, silence is all I have

So I delved into my thoughts and wondered, What if?

But nothing. Nobody was there. It was my familys penthouse, but the sky was bleak and all the lights were dead. The only people I saw in the room were girls girls who looked just like me.

W-What?

The laughing kid stomping loudly upstairs

The damn lovebirds flirting on the streets

Those rich asses living in their golden bubbles

I just wish they would all just disappear ?

There were ten of then, with one half looked like that devil girl while the others looked like exact copies of me. All of them were humming and singing along to the sound of a piano. I turned my eyes around, watching a girl with wings, scales, and a tail playing on it with the deftness of a trained expert.

The melodies she was playing pained my heart until she began to sing.

Those are my honest thoughts, something I wish to hide from them

My life is stagnating, nothing I do brings me forth

All I can do is sing, drowning my sorrows while it rains

Every step I take just brings me back, to a rundown apartment room

And then, everybody began to sing in perfect harmony.

Turn away, close my eyes, lock these wishes far away

Not again, not againor Ill cry until the end

All of my darkest thoughts

Will serve me as my muse

So, Ill sing, Ill sing, Ill sing, Ill sing!

As I fade from your thoughts

I fell onto my knees. The tears wouldnt stop.

Im sorry. I ruined it all.