Chapter 47

Again, now, she thought about the skinny lady for a while.

She was still in front of the window. It was still dark outside. Even when the sun rose, it would remain dark. Even the brightest lamps could not show her the light.

<> she thought, <>

Ploca dropped her head. She was not sure if it was real, the past, or a dream. <> she thought. So, the thought stayed in the past. <>

The memories of the past continued.

Education that gave the right perception of sex was almost necessary. Regardless of status, that opinion was shared all across Latrice. Details varied slightly from country to country, but the fundamental concept was the same. Men and women who did not have a coming-of-age ceremony should not spend a night together. It was worthwhile to keep the virginity and celebrate the coming-of-age ceremony. A nobleman having a mistress was somewhat socially tolerated, but a man who took a child was berated by people. Even in the red-light district, people only dealt with adult women.

Ploca knew it, too. The wandering women that she lived with used to talk about romantic nights. Sometimes, they whispered to her secretly to teach her about sex. “Ploca, sex is a very important thing. Only loved ones can do it. Since you are young, you won’t know about it much, but remember this. You will have the ceremony one day,” they told her.

Because of what she was told, Ploca had the idea that the night was some sort of sacred time for men and women to promise their eternal love.

So, Ploca looked forward to the coming-of-age ceremony. She did even more so after she confirmed Hetiron’s love. She didn’t know what exactly they would do, but after they spent a night together, their love would be stronger. She believed so. She didn’t doubt it at all. <> she thought. She only waited that day.

“Hetiron, welcome home,” Ploca said.

“I’m home, Ploca,” Hetiron called.

That day, Hetiron came home long after sunset. It was the last night of Ploca’s 16th year. After this night, she would turn 17 and would become an adult.

The sound of the clock ticking was deafening.

How long had she wanted this? Ploca did not hide her excitement. There was no way she could have hidden it. She walked with short and quick steps toward Hetiron. Hetiron opened his arms, and Ploca stepped into them. It was warm. Ploca smiled a timid smile. It was a naive laugh from a girl who wanted to be a true lady.

Hetiron’s shoulder area was white. How long had he stayed outside? Ploca knocked the snow off of him carefully.

“Hetiron,” she called.

“Yes?”

“Hetiron.”

This time, she put the accent on each syllable. Hetiron laughed low.

“Yes, Ploca,” he said.

His low laugh always tickled her heart. Ploca was even more excited.

“I’ll be an adult tomorrow,” she said.

“I know, Ploca,” he responded.

Hetiron met Ploca’s eyes and whispered, “Do you want to eat anything special? Or is there anything you want to have?”

“No, I am fine,” she said.

“Yeah? Don’t you have anything you need? It’s okay. Tell me what it is,” Hetiron told her.

Hetiron patted Ploca’s hair. It was so sweet. Ploca gained some courage and opened her mouth without hesitation.

<> she thought. <>

“You,” she said.

Her voice trembled slightly. As soon as she spoke, Ploca stepped back a little. It wasn’t because she didn’t want to hold him; it was because she wanted him to see her face. Ploca had smiled as she practiced saying it again and again in the mirror. She made the beautiful smile of a young lady.

“Hetiron.”

Hetiron hesitated. His casual face faded. It hardened as if he had no idea how to react.

There was a strange mood. Ploca was ashamed, but she thought Hetiron felt similarly, so she just smiled.

“Uh…”

Hetiron opened his mouth and paused. He looked very embarrassed. <> he wondered. Hetiron ran his hand through his hair. Ploca knew the meaning of this habit very well. Usually, he did that when he was embarrassed. He was older than her but still shy. He could not hide his emotions well. He was such a kind man.

Ploca took another step forward. There was no reason not to be brave.

“Hetiron.”

“…Yes, Ploca.”

“…What do you think?” she asked.

Ploca was about to bite her lips, but she didn’t. Hetiron dropped his hand from ruffling his hair.

<> Hetiron thought. He clenched his teeth. <> Hetiron clenched his fist. So, he should do it again. This child would not know the meaning of having him. He decided to laugh it away indifferently.

“I don’t—” he began to speak.

“Hetiron.”

Her sad voice had to be ignored this time.

“I don’t know what you mean, Ploca,” he said.

Ploca’s smile faded at once.

“…You know,” she said.

Hetiron tried to ignore her sorrow.

“No, Ploca.”

“There is no way you don’t know, Hetiron.”

Hetiron swallowed. He tried not to meet her eyes. He took off his coat casually.

“…Ploca.”

<> he thought, <>

“I know,” she said.

“Ploca.”

“Hetiron, you…”

“Ploca, listen.”

“You like me too, right?”

The words came out immediately. Hetiron put his head down. He placed his hand on his forehead and sighed.

It had been more than eight years since they had met each other. They knew each other’s hearts by just looking at it, and they knew feelings when voices changed a little bit. And he knew at this moment as well. He vaguely knew why she was so desperate. She would have learned about the meaning of the night by chance, and since she looked only at him, she wanted the night as well.

But no, Hetiron was determined,

“Yes, Ploca. But… not yet,” he said.

Ploca twitched her lips and grabbed her skirt tight.

“Why?”

“You are not an adult yet… and…”

“I will be an adult soon.”

Ploca stretched her arm out and pointed at the clock.

Hetiron bit his lips and clenched his teeth as if he was nervous. Her heart was so big that he could not suppress it with a trivial excuse, but he tried to speak as convincingly as possible.

<> he thought to himself.

The anxious greed hit his head. Ploca’s words were not wrong. He could understand her point. The night was sacred. It was time for pure men and women to vow their eternal love. Hetiron thought so too. Also, in terms of age, Ploca could have held a ceremony already. Hetiron, himself, had already reached marriable age. His previous commitments and thoughts had tangled up. His heart was roaring. Why not?

“Hetiron.”

“…”

“Look at me, please,” Ploca said.

“…I”

“Please?”

Hetiron just giggled. Ploca approached Hetiron and opened her arms. He looked at her and hugged her. He patted her as if he were soothing a young child. Her embrace was warm. No, it was hot.

“…don’t know, Ploca,” he said.

It was like a sigh. Ploca whispered in Hetiron’s ear, saying, “I don’t know, either, Hetiron.”

“Ploca, then…”

“But I think I know your heart—”

Ploca smiled charmingly again.

“—and what you think from time to time. I know it well,” Ploca whispered as if to say it was all right.

“You know, Hetiron. I was really happy at that time,” she said.

“…”

“When you asked me to come with you. Hetiron… I was so glad I couldn’t even say it with words. Remember?” Ploca asked.

“…Yes.”

<> he thought.

“I don’t think we can wait, Hetiron,” she said.

“…”

“Just… Let’s say I said it first. Can’t you just… do it this time, too?” she asked.

Her voice was shaking too much.

“…Please? Hetiron…”

Hetiron tried to sigh, but he held it back. He pushed Ploca gently from his arms. Such bright yellow eyes, purple hair that didn’t lose its shine. The girl who looked only at him.

No, a woman. From the beginning, Hetiron was not one who could reject her and throw her out. He wanted to see her happy face, not make her cry. He had said many times that he could not, and he suppressed his greed, but he was not one who could pretend not to know her and turn away from his mind when it came to reality.

It was already happening, Hetiron realized. Already he was preparing to take charge of her. It had been a while. <> he thought.

Hetiron laughed low.

“Ploca.”

“Yes…? Hetiron—,” she whispered in a strange voice, “—I started this. So…”

“Don’t tremble too much. Don’t be scared. You know best how I treat you,” Hetiron said.

Hetiron smiled charmingly. He lifted Ploca lightly and headed to the bedroom. The clock ticked loudly like a pounding heart.

<> Ploca thought.

Ploca dropped down to the floor like raindrops flowing down a wall. The dawn light was coming.

“M, m, mommy,” a lovely child murmured. It seemed like she was sleep talking. The child thought about her mother while sleeping. The lovely child of mine.

<> Ploca thought to herself.

“Hetiron, why did you hold me at that time?” she asked.

“Because, Ploca, your eyes were so shiny. I thought, how could I pretend not to know this child?”

Because the voice had been still so vivid. He could do nothing but look at that child. Ploca smiled bitterly. Unconsciously, she rubbed her stomach.

“Ploca. Umm, you don’t have to worry about a baby,” Hetiron said.

It was such a sweet night. She could not express it enough. She wished she could draw her memory. She wondered how she had not known this happiness before. Everything that she had thought was happiness before had lost its light after that night.

<> Ploca thought.

That night was hotter than the summer sunshine, deeper than the sea, and more sparkling than any jewelry. No flower would be sweeter than that sweet night. Just thinking about it still made her heart pound and her body excited.

“Yes?” she asked.

“Umm… Uh… I was careful,” he answered.

Hetiron whispered carefully. He blushed as if he was a little shy. As she spent the night, she couldn’t concentrate on his words.

Later, she understood that meant he had used contraception. Hetiron would never lie. So—

“M-mommy.”

<<—you are not Hetiron’s child,>> she thought.

It was a cruel truth. Tears dripped without sound. Ploca cried while laughing. It was tears that had been shed for a long time. There was no time to wipe them. She thought about it. <>

“Yes, Ashi.”

Or what if this was not real? What if she was still at that house? All of this was just a terrible nightmare, and when she woke up, Hetiron would be there next to her, as always.

But the child who was asleep had no answer. The dead also do not speak. The person who never would come back. Every moment told her that this was her reality.

<>