Chapter 75: Big Balls

Calvin stood on the second floor, overlooking the ballroom floor, a single slab of glass filled with brilliant color, where swirling dresses made him think of blooming flowers.

He put his weight on the railing as he leaned foward, picking out where Kala was chatting with some other young aristocrats, searching for this Asabei fellow.

Go down there and dance. Elliot interrupted Calvin’s thoughts for the umpteenth time.

That’s not the mission. Calvin thought.

You came up with that on your own! Kala looked at you like you’d killed a puppy!

What’s more important, finding this Asabei guy for her or dancing?

Dancing, obviously.

Calvin’s eyebrows rose. Elliot’s advice was usually good, but the disembodied voice of the System was probably confused on this point.

I know you’re afraid of screwing up and-

Me, afraid of screwing up? Fuck you! I could dance all night, and not screw up once.

Do you even know how to dance?

….Karen had never taught him how to dance, and in Deinos, dancing was mostly wildly stomping in circles with arms linked.

No, but it doesn’t matter, because I’m not dancing.

You’re starting to expose some logical fallacies, buddy.

Okay fine! I’m not going down there because it’s absolutely terrifying! Thinking about being silently judged at the center of that ballroom was nearly giving him a panic attack.

More afraid of say, a fight to the death?

Yes! Calvin thought emphatically, his fingers tightening around the bannister. Fights to the death are fun because I always win. This is a no-win scenario!

Okay, I understand your apprehension. I was just as afraid of public scorn as you were, and I wish someone had taken the time to force me to get used to dancing when I was your age. You’ll thank me later.

Fuck you, I’m not doing it.

Let me appeal to your logical side, rather than your emotions.

Good luck with that, Calvin thought.

There are three things that a man can do that will get him laid that have remained universal constants throughout all of human history. Dancing is one of them. It shows courage, and the ability to move your body.

We already covered the fact that I don’t know how.

And that means Kala gets to teach you. She’s gonna be totally into teaching you. How would you feel about teaching her how to shake it?

…Pretty good, actually, Calvin thought, picturing it.

She’s been waiting for the opportunity since you got here, but you ran off to the upper floor the second your feet touched the ballroom floor.

Calvin sucked in a breath through his teeth. That was true. Kala was still sending him curious glances every now and then. He thought it’d be to figure out if he’d found the host of the ball, but he was starting to suspect it was because he was letting her down.

One dance. Calvin thought, taking his hands off the bannister.

Yay! Now, just to warn you, you may experience a slight stress-generated out-of-body experience. This is normal for an introvert with shitty Intuition. You’ll get over it.

What do you know? Calvin said as he headed for the stairs.

A lot, actually, Elliot said.

What are the other two universal constants in getting laid? Calvin asked Elliot as he went down the stairs in order to distract himself from the pit of flesh-eating gullbecks he was about to throw himself into.

Singing and playing the guitar.

What’s a guitar and how could it possibly be a universal constant if I don’t even know what it is?

Boy, I’m a thousand years old. I know what I’m talking about. If a man walked into this ballroom with a guitar right now, and started playing it, he would subsequently be drowning in women.

Calvin was about to retort when he came face to face with Kala in a lovely white dress with curls of soft pink color, and all the words escaped his mind.

“Did you find Asabei?” Kala asked with the tiniest frown on her lips.

“Ah, no, I um..wanted to ask you…”

Talking to girls has reached level 11! 55% correction.

“You want to dance?” she asked, her face lighting up.

The pit of Calvin’s stomach dropped and it felt like he was ejected out the back of his own head. He watched his own body nod silently before Kala’s soft hand gripped his and lead him to the center of the ballroom floor, twirling dancers parting around them as they walked.

Calvin watched himself be led across the dance floor, he watched himself learn the steps, and proceed to lead Kala’s slender body back and forth across the ballroom. He watched himself bump into the occasional dancer, and watched them pardon him with no animosity or judgement whatsoever.

Calvin slowly re-inhabited his body as they danced, until he was no longer a puppet he was watching from a distance, but himself, leading a beautiful girl around the floor.

Returning to his body came with some interesting side-effects, such as becoming fully aware of the soft warmth of the young woman pressed against him, and knowing exactly how much she was enjoying herself. He could feel the raw desire to pull him off the dance floor and into a secluded room in her gaze, barely restrained by her rational mind.

Needless to say, she was enjoying herself.

Guess Elliot was right.

As usual.

As they came close to the side of the ballroom again, Nadia tapped Calvin on the shoulder.

“Asabei’s over by the buffet,” she said, pointing. In the distance, Calvin could make out a gnarled old man with a brass horn sticking out of his ear, listening to a middle-aged businessman.

Yeah, that’s him alright. Calvin thought, eyeing him. Kala’s warmth disappeared as she stepped away, craning her neck to see as well.

“Yeah, that’s him.” She glanced back at Calvin. “Wish me luck.”

“May I keep your date warm while you’re away?” Nadia asked.

Kala eyed Calvin’s Chained Spirit up and down, eyes narrowed. Kala and Nadia didn’t get along terribly well.

“Fine,” Kala said, “but not too warm.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Nadia said, taking Kala’s place in Calvin’s arms.

“Do I get a say in this?” Calvin asked. Nadia was attractive, sure, but she was also a crazy bitch.

“No,” Nadia and Kala said as one.

“I got the tickets, I get a dance.” Nadia said as Kala strode away.

Kala sent a fleeting appreciative glance back at the two of them before taking a deep breath and putting the lid back on her feelings, aiming for Asabei.

“Hi,” Nadia said as Calvin begrudgingly swept her out onto the dance floor. The Ilethan princess seemed to want to absorb him, with how close she stuck, pressing firmly against his body.

“Hi...” Calvin narrowed his eyes, deciphering her mischievous gaze as she entwined her body around his. “You want to tell me something.”

Read Expressions has reached level 10!

+1 Intuition.

Please choose-

Calvin dismissed the prompt.

“How did you know? As a matter of fact, I do.”

“Well?” Calvin asked, dipping her and trying not to eye the plentiful cleavage that threatened to attract his gaze like a lodestone attracted a steel nail.

“Baroke and I got arrested,” she said, her crimson lips curling into a smile. “Who knows what they’ll punish us with?”

Obviously fishing for punishment from me, a cold corner of Calvin’s mind spoke to him as she began to shiver in anticipation of violence.

Calvin put his foot on her chest and kicked her away, making her rounded bottom squeak across the glass floor, drawing the attention of the other dancers.

“Demon whore!” Calvin said, making arcane signs with his fingers. “I consign you back to the abyss!”

“Now that’s no way to treat a-“ Nadia dissolved into green mist as he dismissed her summon. The mist settled into the ballroom floor, causing many of the assembled aristocracy to gasp and back away from the two of them.

Calvin glanced around the silent ballroom and fixed a smile on his face.

“It’s fine everyone,” Calvin said with absolute confidence. “A succubus managed to infiltrate the party, but I got rid of the she-beast.”

Acting has reached level 10!

+1 intuition

Please choose a-

Calvin swept that prompt to the side as well. The ball was stressing him out so much that his skill were advancing at the same rate as a life-or-death struggle. Now that Nadia and Kala were gone, he didn’t know a single person here.

You planned this, didn’t you?

It’s an unexpected bonus. You should go talk to those strangers over there. I bet that’ll stress you out even more.

The party slowly wound back into gear, but Calvin found himself standing at the center of the ballroom, every other pair sending him curious, apprehensive glances as they danced.

Oh damn, this is exactly the kind of attention I was afraid of. I need a drink. Maybe two. Or six. Calvin thought as he headed for the edge of the dance floor.

Wait for it…

Wait for wha-

A gentle finger tapped his shoulder and Calvin turned to see a young uleisan woman about his age, shifting nervously. Her friends watched her from the sidelines, twittering between them.

“Would you care to dance?” she asked hesitantly.

Calvin barely avoided ditching his own body a second time and opened his mouth to refuse.

Don’t you dare! Elliot made him flinch by shouting directly into his ear.

“I would be honored,” calvin said, taking her hand.

***Baroke***

“Why haven’t you used your Bent, Nadia? You were always a talented sorceress.” Thomas asked, sitting across from their cells, his scalp half-shaved. It almost looked like a tonsure, but Baroke wasn’t going to be the first one to mention it.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Nadia asked, crossing her arms and legs before looking down her nose at her older brother.

“Yes, that’s why I asked.” Thomas said, running his comb over the bald patch. It seemed a little odd to Baroke, but he wasn’t going to comment on that either. Matter of fact, Baroke felt the wisest thing to do was to sit in the corner quietly and try to distance himself from her as much as possible.

“The royal guard is asking if you really are my sister, and if you’re not, well, you’re an imposter attempting to infiltrate the palace. An offence punishable by death. No trial, just take you into the other room and chop off you head.”

“Mhmm,” Nadia said, tapping her foot.

“So, if you’re my sister, prove it with a little bit of Ilethan magic. Make yourself invisible with bent light, or use a mnemonic illusion on me. Anything. As antagonistic as we are towards each other, I don’t want to give the wrong sentence.”

“You do what you gotta do, pretty boy.” Nadia said.

“Fine. I’ll tell the guards that I don’t know you, the execution will be in the morning.”

“Whatever,” Nadia said, still tapping her foot impatiently.

Nadia might be fine with getting killed, but what about me!?

“Hold on,” Baroke said,  breaking his silence. “She doesn’t speak for me. I would very much like to not be executed in the morning. Can you make that happen?”

“Of course,” Thomas said with a smile. “It didn’t escape my notice that you tried to stop her from…accosting me. I’ll definitely put in a good word for you with the guard, but they’re rather dour individuals. Getting them to look the other way might cost quite a bit of money. Do you perhaps have someone who can fund your release?”

“Captain Gadsint,” Baroke blurted. “He’ll foot the bill.”

Nadia sighed and slid her palm down her face in exasperation.

“The captain of the company guarding the Gadveran diplomat? The one they call The Wasp?”

“Baroke, why are you…such a simpleton?”

“Interesting…so the gears are turning faster than I thought. I’m sorry, Baroke, but I’ll have to let you die.”

Thomas’s shoulder hunched defensively at Baroke’s stunned expression.

“Sorry, sorry, it’s just that the people you work for are in direct contention with the people I work for, and I can’t let you bring anything you’ve gleaned back to your captain. You understand, don’t you?”

“Couldn’t you just lock me up for a week or two until the point is moot?” Baroke demanded, fists closing around the bars of the cell as he shouted at the pompous Ilethan.

“Sorry…” the diplomat said, wincing as he retreated up the stairs, disappearing out of sight.

“Son of a bitch!” Baroke roared, shaking the bars, that unfortunately didn’t budge.

The sun was beginning to go down and the guards had retired for the night when Nadia spoke again.

“Well, it looks like we’ve got the whole night to get to know each other,” Nadia said, stretching out and reclining in her cell.

“Fuck you and everything you stand for.” Baroke said, looking around the room for escape supplies.

“Don’t be like that. There’s every chance Calvin will rescue you before morning. I got your message to him and he dismissed all the copies of me but this one, after all. What do you think that means?”

“It means if you don’t help me get out, you’ll be the last one.” Baroke said as he stripped the sheet off his bed.

“More perceptive than I gave you credit for.” Nadia said with a grin. “So let’s make a trade.”

“What kind of trade?” Baroke asked, testing the durability of his cot. The glass had some flexibility. Excellent.

“I’ll help you get out of here alive, and you answer questions about Calvin. I want to know more about the boy with my life in his hands.”

“I’m not sure I need your help,” Baroke said, tearing the cot’s lining away, exposing the skeleton. “But go ahead.”

“What was he like as a child?” Nadia asked as Baroke lined his dinner plate up with the cot.

“Clever, liked to pretend he was a wizard king. A lot more of a prick than he is now, actually, but that’s pretty typical for kids. Kids are the worst.”

“Wizard king, huh? What kind of things did he do?”

“Oh, he’d steal things, kidnap other kids and tie them up, fend off the other kids who came to rescue them and scare the shit out of their parents, get into fights, torture the losers for hours…you know, normal boy stuff.”

“Really? Did you do normal boy stuff like that?”

Baroke stopped what he was doing and thought about it a moment. “Well, the fighting, I guess. Plenty of that between the kids in Deinos, but Calvin was the only one who tied six kids to the limbs of his ‘tree of woe’ and laughed while their parents tried to get them down.”

“And when exactly did Calvin’s behavior improve?” Nadia asked.

“Why do you want to know?” Baroke asked, glancing over his shoulder.

“Just curious,” she said with a shrug.

“Well,” Baroke said, banging the plate against the very corner of the cot, watching a crack form on his bed. “Right around the time Karen took him under her wing personally, teaching us all how to fight. The things she taught us included a lot of empathy training, trying to get inside the other guy’s head so you could kill him better. That’s what rounded out Calvin’s attitude, I think.”

“I see, I see..” Nadia said, rubbing her chin.

“Or maybe Kala.”

Nadia grimaced.

Baroke delivered a solid strike to the side of the cot, and it released the long length of glass with a crack.

This’ll do, Baroke thought, grabbing the six foot length of glass and bending it around his waist before tying the sheets to either side of it, creating an awful mockery of a bow. An awful mockery that would work.

“Are you-“

“Yes,” Baroke said, snapping the short end of the cot out of its joints with sheer power, setting the length of glass against the sheet, and drawing back.

Force Amplification.

Penetrating shot.

Called Shot.

9/12 Bent remaining.

The fletching-less length of glass exploded through the lock and disintegrated on the other side of the wall, allowing his cell door to swing open.

Nadia sat in the other cell, her jaw hanging open as Baroke slammed the door open the rest of the way and waved to her on the way out.

“They’re gonna kill you so hard,” Nadia said, shaking her head.

“Still wanna help?” Baroke asked, fixing a make-shift arrow on her chest.

“Seems like it’d be in my best interest.”

Macronomicon