Chapter 81 - Box Her Memories

Yang Xinyu was on a repeat mode. "Wu Lina talk to me… what have I done… why are you punishing me… I will not stop you from completing the course… we will do whatever you want…"

Her heartache caused nausea that churned in her empty stomach and she must have vomited at least half a dozen times. Her head was swimming with regrets. Why did she allow herself to reach the star that was shining so bright in the sky? She was chosen to suffer. Her heart felt as if the blood converted into tar and it lacked the steady beat.

Her melancholy mood had attracted dark clouds, which would rain every time she wanted. She was getting drained in her personal sorrow.

After two days of pain and heartache, came the memories. Those painful memories were just like nightmares – they disappeared when Wu Lina awoke, but troubled her crazily when she tried to sleep. She wanted to box her memories and stash them away somewhere far.

Yang Xinyu had presented her a beautiful chain with a moon and a star when they were at his grandma's house that was now dangling around her neck. She opened the chain to keep it aside, but couldn't muster enough courage to part with the only gift he had ever given her. She wore it back. These fresh memories flooded her eyes with more tears. There was no awakening.

She recalled how her body reacted each time he touched her. She coiled her hands around and a pain seared through her skin.

His arms would wrap her promising the protection she needed. His chest was her home.

On the third day with failing energy, she managed to get up from the bed. She took her phone that was continuously chiming. He was sending her messages. She clutched the phone and got up to go to the bathroom. She saw her ghostly reflection in the mirror. She looked in her dreary eyes and saw him appear in the mirror looking at her. He was staring down at her gloomily. She raised her hand to trace his handsome face but met with the cold frame of mirror. She started laughing. Her happiest memories were like sharp knives cutting her deep inside. She pressed her phone to her chest and it was in this moment she no longer knew how she felt. She went numb. She wanted him to cage her. She wanted him back.

She slept a little on the third day. Her routine had become monotonous – wake up, cry, eat whatever was there in the refrigerator and go back to sleep. In between she would vomit.

She had to divert her attention from Yang Xinyu who would come and stand outside her apartment as soon as his office got over. She could smell all the tobacco fumes from the cigarettes he smoked.

On the fourth day she started writing her goals of life. She needed to survive this ordeal or she would get engulfed in a sea of endless misery. She picked a pen and paper from her bedside table and started writing through tears - have to complete the course, join the Yang Corporation, earn money and live. When she re-read her goals, all she read was Yang Xinyu, Yang Xinyu and Yang Xinyu.

Even though her mind wanted to move on, her body and soul was sold. She crushed the paper and threw it. Picking another paper she started writing her goals again but the result was same. Soon a pile of crushed papers littered her bed. She let out a loud wail and lied above those crushed bundles of papers caressing them, picking them on her face and kissing them.

Four days passed with him continuously standing outside her door, waiting for her, and then he stopped coming…

Finally on the fifth day she gathered her wits. She took bath and dressed in her nurse uniform to go to the hospital at 6am. When she came down she saw Yang Xinyu standing in the foyer of the building. He looked disheveled and forlorn. She looked at him and without stopping continued to walk out. Yang Xinyu followed her to the hospital but didn't go inside.

She reported for the duty. The head nurse was shocked to see her. Wu Lina was looking like a ghost walking out of a horror movie. Su sāng ní asked her, "Wu Lina, you look so frail? Were you having fever? Do you want to take another day's leave?"

Wu Lina wanted to cry again but her throat choked. "No, āyí." She somehow managed a smile. "I am fine now. I want to work." She wanted a diversion urgently, and the best way was to immerse herself into work.

The head nurse gave her easy jobs that wouldn't stress her mentally or physically. She realized her stress and wanted her to recuperate. She ensured that Wu Lina was posted at places where there was less human interaction.

Yang Xinyu was waiting for her when she returned back to her quarter. She increased her pace to run to the escalator but he caught upon her speed and entered the elevator with her. There were two more nurses standing in between them in the elevator forcing them to maintain distance due to space limitation. When the elevator stopped Wu Lina rushed out of it and quickly opened her room's door closing it just when Yang Xinyu came. He kicked the door in frustration and left, annoyed at her behavior.

Yang Xinyu stopped coming after that. He stopped calling. He stopped messaging. He shut himself completely. She was scared that he his illness had relapsed. However, since he was in the news almost on a daily basis, she would watch him on the TV and be rest assured.

Studies became difficult. Wu Lina skipped her computer classes for the next weekend. She didn't even attempt to cover her topics.

Time passed slowly. She would often work in double shifts to avert getting sucked into a vortex of depression.

Once when her friends from the hospital asked her to accompany them to a birthday party, she didn't refuse. They tagged on them and went wherever they went. After having dinner they went to a pub where all of them drank. Wu Lina drank two bottles of beer and lost control of herself. Her friends were all giggling away and she found them annoying. She stood from her place and walked outside the pub. She couldn't maintain her balance, it was as if her head would roll off from her body. She had difficulty standing up. She laughed at her pitiful state and was about to fall when a man came running and caught her.

"What's you name?" he had asked.

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She started attending her classes after ten days of struggling with her emotions. She focused on two things from then on – studies and profession.

A month later when she gave her internals, her rankings suffered. Even though she was a brilliant student she just couldn't study well.

She wasn't aware that he was watching her from distance, stalking her, waiting for her…

…