Chapter 105 - Always Hiding

Mildred stared at me with disdain while the crowd roared with excitement.

"We're getting a show, people!"

"Don't hold back this time, drunken warrior! Knock him out in a single punch!"

"Hahaha, let's see if this kid can last another hit!"

Why was I standing?

In all honesty, I did not really understand.

What was I trying to accomplish?

Again, I have no idea.

But there was something inside me that refused to back down. Something that made a coward like me stand up. It was as though I was the last flower in a field ravaged by someone that wanted to keep all the flowers in a jar. As a weak flower, there was nothing I could do to avoid being picked.

But I stood up proudly anyway, challenging the inevitable.

Mildred clenched her fists.

"What the hell is your problem?"

My head swiveled weakly while my mouth hung slightly agape.

"...I don't know."

Mildred narrowed her eyes.

"If you don't know, what gives you the balls to stand there?"

My eyelids fluttered weakly.

"I don't know."

Mildred took a few steps forward. She wasted no time in throwing a right hook, landing squarely on my face. With a thwack, I recoiled backward, stumbling a few steps back.

"Piece of shit!"

Mildred lunged forward, bending down on one knee. She sent a clean uppercut right to my chin. My head snapped backward while my body was thrown up into the air.

I could tell how hard my spine was working to keep me together, especially because of the pain between where my spine connected to my skull.

After being lifted up a few meters in the air, I slammed back down onto the ground. The nearby tables jostled from the impact while the crowd cheered once more.

My mind fogged up even more. It was hard to even think through the pain, much less stand. Yet, like it was instinctual, I stood up anyway. My breathing was ragged, while my vision was blurry.

I could no longer see Mildred's expression, but it was not hard to tell she was glaring at me. Almost like two daggers were being pushed into my skin.

It was harder to think, and my thoughts became cruder.

Yet, things seemed to be a little clearer to me.

I refused to believe that this was who Mildred was. I refused to believe that Mildred would associate with these people.

...I refused to believe that she could say such hurtful words.

My lips parted, but the words wouldn't come out.

Mildred cracked her neck.

"Seems like you need someone to teach you a lesson!"

She picked me up by my neck, choking me out. The pain in my mind immediately increased several times over, but before I could worry about that, I was slammed against a table.

The air was knocked out of my lungs while I felt my spine crack. The table collapsed, leaving me lying on a pile of debris.

There were people sitting at that table, but instead of complaining, they got out of the way while holding their drinks.

Mildred huffed with anger.

"Are you still going to get up?"

I coughed up a bit of blood, letting it dribble down my cheek.

"...Yeah."

Staying true to my words, I pushed down against the ground to lift myself up. The piece of debris my hand was on suddenly rolled, making me slip and fall in the debris once more. The air was knocked out of my lungs once again, but that didn't stop me from trying once more.

Yet, before I could, Mildred grabbed me by the collar and slammed me down.

"And why the fuck are you still standing up?"

In her yells, a few flecks of spit hit my face.

"What is it about me you hate so much? Huh?"

My lips slowly parted, but before I could say anything, Mildred violently shook me. 

"ANSWER ME."

My head slammed against the floor from the violent shaking. Tears overflowed, slipping down past my eyes.

"I don't hate you."

Mildred was livid. Her eyes bulged from her sockets, just barely contained.

"Bullshit."

I slowly raised a trembling hand towards Mildred's face.

"This... this isn't you, Mildred."

Mildred grabbed my wrist and flung me to the wall of the tavern.

"Oh yeah? Then who am I?"

With a bang, I collided with the tavern wall. My legs buckled, making me fall down to my knees. Before I fell over My hand caught the floor, then pushed me up.

I stood up once again.

With just a touch, I would fall. Yet, there was still pride left within me. The pride that Mildred herself gave me.

But right now, Mildred wasn't encouraging me. She slowly walked over with a dangerous smile on her face.

"I wonder... who exactly is this Mildred you are referring to?"

I closed my eyes, letting all the tears flow freely. A deep frown etched itself on my face. So deep, that it hurt.

The memories I had of her flashed in my mind. I knew that only I had those memories, but nothing would change the fact Mildred would do those things.

"Mildred... is the kind of person to help someone at their lowest. To give someone confidence when they had none left."

I clenched the middle of my chest, trying to grasp at my heart.

"The kind of person... to catch someone when they fell. And to give them a reason to rise once again."

I grit my teeth.

"THE KIND OF PERSON TO CARE FOR EVEN THE MOST PATHETIC PERSON IN THE WORLD."

With all my strength, I let loose a roar. By the end, my lips trembled and my throat felt like it was ripped apart.

Mildred shrugged her shoulders. Then, she scoffed.

"I don't know what 'Mildred' you think I'm supposed to be."

The smile disappeared from her face.

"But I am not her."

I reached out weakly.

"It's... it's just this place. We just need to leave here..."

Mildred grabbed my arm and twisted it, immediately snapping it in the wrong direction. A grimace formed on my face.

"AHHHHHHH."

Mildred yelled at the top of her lungs.

"LEAVE? HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT CHANGE ANYTHING?"

I could hear her throat tearing apart. Strangely enough, the fact she was hurting herself weighed more on my mind than the fact she broke my arm.

Mildred slammed me down on the ground and relentlessly rained down punches. My face quickly became black and blue.

The crowd cheered her on, letting out the occasional encouraging remark.

Then, my rib cage shattered under Mildred's strikes. The snapping sounds were clear and frightening.

The crowd fell eerily silent, losing their original fervor. It was hard for me to tell, but people seemed to be running out of the tavern.

The shattered fragments of my bone began to penetrate my organs.

...At this rate, I was really going to die.

Mildred had an uncanny smile on her face.

"Is this the Mildred you were talking about?"

She dislocated my shoulder.

"Would the Mildred you know do something like this?"

She snapped back several of my fingers.

My eyes rolled back.

"AHHHHHHH."

It hurt.

It hurt really badly.

But... I've already dealt with so much pain before. I've literally died from being pierced through the heart by an eagle and having my rib cage shattered.

Still, it was as though my soul was being torn apart.

Like something securely placed in my mind was ripped away.

I slowly came to realize that it was the image of Mildred in my heart. Although I was not always consciously aware, she was the pillar that held my fragile mentality together.

...So when it crumbled, I crumbled with it.

Yet, this was something I already knew. It was just too scary for me to face, so the only option was to bury it deep inside.

You'd think I'd learn at this point. That there's no point in hiding from the truth.

There was the time I denied the trauma of being captured and almost being turned into a slave.

There was the time I sought the answer to create peace, when I already knew it was power.

There was the time I pretended that my friends back in the palace didn't exist. That when I left for the forest, they didn't have to struggle.

I've always been trying to hide.

Perhaps not entirely, but there was always something I didn't want to think about. And so, I just didn't.

It's not like I didn't know it was wrong. They've sapped at my psyche like a venomous viper, so the consequences were clear to me.

But... it was just so hard not to.

If I tried to confront it, the anxiety would overwhelm me. Almost like I woke up a sleeping tiger.

My eyes were opened ever so slightly, just barely able to make out Mildred's insane look.

I couldn't hide from it anymore.

This has been a part of Mildred, and it will always be.