Chapter 35

While delicately sweeping through my long blonde hair, The emperor seemed to be looking at something and opened his mouth.

“Who removed the carpet?”

“The…..The chief of staff instructed……”

“How ridiculous. Fire him first–“

When I made eye contact with the emperor while being held in a dazed and quiet manner, my sorrows suddenly seemed to increase. The emperor opened his mouth to say something, but he noticed my mood and soon closed his mouth.

Then the shivering maid who answered the emperor was taken away.

Finally, Argen looked up at my forehead while alternating between me and the emperor. It was red, but there were no wounds or blood.

I didn’t think it would bruise this much. Although it’s a marble floor, there’s probably nothing wrong with my head.

I was also part of the imperial family and there were a number of enemies that were worse than this, like Lulahel.

‘This is nothing compared to what Lulahel did.’

I couldn’t help but be saddened by what Argen said.

‘I had my head hit against the wall before and couldn’t get up all day.’

‘You didn’t say you were hurt then either.’

In fact, the loneliness was greater than the pain at that time. On the other hand, I was lucky to be alive.

I only fell and hit my forehead on the marble floor.

Even if the needle hurt, it couldn’t be compared to a broken glass piercing through the flesh or the abuse by our mother.

Feelings of sadness and injustice rose and fell. Then, I felt an unknown emotion all over my body when I thought about the royal family, who pretended to be friendly in front of my eyes and weren’t aware of this bitter pain.

The moment silence sank, I swung my head to the side, avoiding the emperor’s hand.

“……I don’t need it.”

I still had a throbbing headache.

I never thought I was hurt at the time. It was just a matter of course and an everyday routine. I never cared if It was painful and I never even cared if I got a scar.

Eiji didn’t know.

I always wore clothes that tightly covered my wrists. Even though the scar had disappeared, I wore long clothes because I was nervous.

The same was true, not only for me, but also for Argen.

At first, when Lulahel died and I just entered the Imperial palace with Argen, there was a conversation where we couldn’t even reveal our bare skin in the hot summer.

I was also convinced when Ishina, an elderly maid who first took care of us, told us that we shouldn’t have any defects.

I had to turn my eyes away whenever I looked in the mirror and saw how disgusting my skin looked because it looked dirty. I was afraid that there would be a lot of scars left on this little body.

They don’t know how scared we were everytime they did something forcibly.

I know that they’re not trying to hurt me when they touch me. However, they didn’t know the feeling of not knowing when the pain will come. My body reacted on its own.

When I met the sunken eyes of the emperor, my body shivered more than usual for some reason, so I avoided his gaze.

I tried so hard to refuse the emperor, but my face turned pale the moment he grabbed my face and forcibly turned me to him.

My whole body felt cold at the touch of his hand over my face and my breathing shortened at the shadow in front of my eyes.

“U… Ugh…….”

The corner of my lips quivered. I felt his big hand cover my face, so my body became stiff and I shivered without realizing it.

“Let… Let me go….…”

I begged him to let me go. I broke out in hiccups and tried to twist my body in vain without looking at the emperor, who had stopped his hand.

Every time I hiccuped, my heart pounded.

” …… Let me go. ”

For a while, there was silence during the hiccups. When I was dizzy and showed no signs of calming down, Argen approached the emperor’s feet as if to speak out for my heart.

I looked at his slightly trembling shoulders while I was trying to hold my breath to stop hiccups. I thought that I might’ve made a mistake while talking.

The emperor, who had hardened for quite a while, placed me down right in front of Argen. My body kept trembling, perhaps due to anxiety over the silence that fell. An unknown chill passed my fingertips causing it to feel numb.

‘Are you okay?’

Argen tightly held my hand and pulled me over. It was clear that he was trying to get into the bedroom first while avoiding the eyes of the three men. I leaned forward as I tried to follow him.

My head still ached to the point where I felt weak all over my body.

The moment I was about to fall, the emperor reached out and held me in his arms again. When his big hands touched my body, it felt like my blood was flowing backwards, so I had to swallow down a scream in the end.

“Uh……. Ugh.”

I don’t know why, but I thought of Lulahel at that moment.

The only remaining memories of Lulahel was of her dying a bloody death and the memory of her tormenting us because the emperor abandoned all three of us.

We were still very hurt and frightened by every word and little things.

“U….Ugh.”

I thought I had forgotten everything because the wounds on my body were gone. The Emperor must have wanted us to forget everthing because he apologized.

For some reason my eyes were wet and my cheeks were hot. Argen looked up at me in shock, then his face sadly distorted.

My heart still ached at his sorrowful expression that seemed like he wanted to cry.

“I hate them all.”

I really hated the imperial family.

I called them other people, but they were still related to me by blood.

When the other princes called the emperor ‘father’ without hesitation, I thought that if he raised us from the beginning, we would not have been so depressed and instead feel proud of our family.

Even though I heard that he was half-hearted, I thought the two of us could express our sorrows to our family instead of just quietly holding it in.

It was the emperor who abandoned us with Lulahel even though we had done nothing wrong, other than being born.

The first and second prince knew we existed. If they had looked back at us at least once and treated us like their siblings, maybe something would have changed.

“……What do you mean?”

We thought the emperor would quietly let us go without saying anything like usual.

At those words, Argen slowly lifted his head, which had been lowered next to the emperor’s pants.

My heart thumped. I twisted my body, but instead of letting me go, he just straightened his posture..

“Who don’t you like?”

The situation wasn’t going well, so I couldn’t even guess what the emperor was asking from me. The emperor will never know how terrifying it is every time he asks me for something with that cold look on his face.

Even though I received an apology, I wonder why I’m frightened like this. It was to the point of worrying that one slip of my tongue will threaten my life.

Exhausted from his gaze, I couldn’t say anything and just shed tears.

Tears fell down sadly, which hadn’t shed even when I was beaten by Lulahel until she died.

Argen pulled on the emperor’s pants a couple of times and tried to open his mouth. I tried to tell him not to do anything, but I couldn’t say anything when I saw his sad and distressed face.

“I don’t know if your majesty hates us, but……. To Arien, don’t…… Don’t…”

Argen eventually choked up and couldn’t finish speaking so he just lowered his head. Looking down at that figure, I grabbed the emperor’s wrist and begged him to put me down.

No matter how much I hate the imperial family……I couldn’t forget the warmth when I was held.

It was because I’ve never been held in someone’s arms and I wasn’t familiar with the warmth. Even though he hugged me with cold hands, it felt a little nice. However, I didn’t want to be hugged forcibly as I was now.

“Who do I hate?”

“…… Cough!”

My face kept burning hot. Tears continued to flow unknowingly so I wiped my eyes with the hand that wasn’t holding the emperor’s wrist.

“Who?”

“We’re illegitimate children, so it’s okay if you don’t like…… oh.”

Argen continued with a shivering voice. No matter how sad he looked, I felt like I was the only one stupidly crying.

Lloyd tried to hold Argen, who was tightly clutching onto the emperor’s clothes, but Argen avoided the hand.

“If you’re going to take us to the empty castle like the past……… I can be quiet like before……I told you…… I’m sure.”

“Why would you say that…!? ”

When Lloyd shouted at Argen, who seemed to be crying, he shuddered and reflexively took a step back.

“Don’t yell at Argen!”

I also screamed. I was so overwhelmed by the sight that I didn’t even realize who my opponent was. I wiped my runny nose on my soft dress.

The tears that burst after such a long time, seemed to have no intention of stopping.

I shouldn’t be distracted just because the royal family treated us like family. After all, it could be simply on a whim. Otherwise, they couldn’t be so nice to us after abandoning us in Derolina castle.

Argen and I thought that that nothing changed between us and those who we always thought were far away, but in fact, they were the closest and were finally reaching out to us.

” Arien, it’s not like that…….”

Lloyd was embarrassed and his hand wandered in the air. He made some excuses, but I couldn’t hear a thing. The emotions that came out at its peak made my head buzz.

” You guys are worse than Lulahel!”

“…..Arien.”

The emperor loosened his hands. I felt it, so I twisted my body again and almost fell down.

If it wasn’t for the emperor who barely managed to straighten my posture, I would have fallen from his chest to the carpetless floor.

“Why did you erase the scar on our body! We are the only ones who see it anyway.”

“….. I wanted to erase it because it’s a trace of your pain.”

“Don’t lie……. When did you become so nice?”

Argen grabbed the back of the emperor’s pants again, perhaps to express his intention. He said what I wanted to say with clenched teeth.

“Of course we were in pain……… You shouldn’t have let us get hurt.”

Argen curled up and eventually hunched over, putting his head on the emperor’s leg.

If only we hadn’t been born that way from the beginning…..

If only the Emperor hadn’t abandoned Lulahel so coldly….

If only he had given us a little help……

There may be some people who say that why can’t we just enjoy what was given. Stop talking about the painful past for no reason.

…… How can you stop talking about it?

The new world we were born into was a continuous painful and sad life. We tried to pretend to be bright, to pretend to be okay and not to be hurt even if it was painful.

I could say it was hell.

I was afraid of Lulahel and every time I saw the story about a loving family in a fairy tale, I would shed tears of loneliness, so those tears had dried up a long time ago.

How can I forget about my past when I feel like I’m going to die from pain because the person I love the most was almost beaten to death by our biological mother?

The only man who could help us at the time came and said he would help us now…….

He’s taking care of the boat that’s already sunk. We were already hurt, sick, neglected, abandoned, and alienated.

How would that look good to us?

I hope he doesn’t think that we would see him as a savior when he reluctantly took us out of hell after Lulahel died……

I struggled a few more times in the emperor’s hands and, in the end, he carefully put me down.

“We didn’t do anything wrong.”

“…..Wait a minute, Argen. “