Chapter 55 - 54

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Kiss me, unite with me your body so I can finally show you everything that I have been hiding. 

Kiss me, so I can feel again, hear my heart race and forget the world that only knows how to scar me.

Kiss me and numb my sorrows as I fall deeper into this carnal bliss. 

Kiss me and make me forget that right now everything is changing, that from this moment onwards my world will fall into chaos again. 

So please kiss me and keep kissing me so I won't be scared any longer, because I can feel you, I can sense your scent and feel your touch. 

So many thoughts, so many dreams and so many doubts. Everything, a mess in Kai's head, an endless chaos as he finally gave in and left everything behind. 

What was a kiss? The union of two souls, the tremble of the heart as two pairs of lips touched slowly. The wonder of love and the gentle closing of the eyes. The taste of the other and the smoothness of their skin. It was a beginning and it could also be an end, it could be pure love but it could also be lust, it could be betrayal or fear. Why did kisses hold so much meaning for people? A kiss on the cheek, a kiss on the forehead, a kiss on the lips, a kiss on the hidden parts of a loving body. It was like a gentle touch to the heart, a melody played by the fragile strings of love. 

Kai and Philip had shared many kisses, way back, when the vampire loved standing underneath the sun but now, this kiss for the prince was something different. For Kai this kiss was a momentary liberation. It was a break of his chains, it was the release of his soul and for the first time in two hundred years he felt a huge weight get lifted off his chest. Just like that, so simple it was for Philip to cure his anxiety. With just a kiss the world started to make sense. 

He was scared at first, he felt Philip kiss him, gently, hastily. Kai closed his eyes, he felt his heart race, he felt his pain and he felt all those tears coming back to his blue eyes and he felt...he felt..he felt everything, from the beginning. From the first gaze, to the first touch to the first argument and the grief of death. He was overwhelmed but he was happy. For those fleeting seconds he was happy. 

The prince dived his long fingers into Philip's messy hair, felt them slip through, soft like silk and the wolf wrapped his arm around his waist, bringing him closer. He could feel the werewolf's heart, beating, racing. He was scared too, he was anxious too and he felt like his world was put into place with just a kiss. 

Philip took a step back, panting with a flushed face and stared at Kai. The prince had tears on his handsome face, falling like little waterfalls from the blue orbs. His eyes widened, scared that he did something that he shouldn't and tried to say something. Should he apologize? Had he hurt him? Kai wasn't saying anything. He was simply standing there, quiet and Philip felt as if he was going to explode. 

"I...did I...hurt you?" he asked him. Kai couldn't speak, there was no sound coming from his lips. He simply waved his head, showing him that he hadn't done anything wrong. Philip exhaled, feeling relieved as he took a step forward. He wore a gentle smile as he raised his arm and slowly wiped away Kai's tears. "Then why are you crying?" 

"I don't know." he answered and Philip chuckled. He had lied, he knew perfectly why he was crying. He was crying because he knew there was no way back. He was crying because what he felt during their kiss was something he would never be able to suppress. He was crying because now he wouldn't be able to let go of him, no matter how hard he wanted to. Kai had promised himself he wasn't going to put Philip in danger. He wished he could simply take him away and disappear, forget everything that happened but in three weeks, in such a short while he would remember and everything would crumble. He cried because he would have to mourn again. The loss of another love. The loss of his feelings. "Why did you kiss me?" the prince said and noticed that the wolf was grinning. 

Philip took off his jacket and carefully placed it on his shoulders. It was soft and smelled like him. The vampire did not feel the chill of the night, he was perfectly fine but still even as an illusion he felt his body get warmer, even though it was impossible. 

"Because I wanted to."

"Aren't you supposed to have a mate?" he asked and Philip frowned. 

"Do we have to get to the serious talk immediately?" he asked him playfully. He had forgotten about that, Philip was expecting to have a mate soon, he didn't see him the same way Kai did. A little but hurtful detail he tried to ignore. He would be so disappointed when he found out, he thought. "You kissed me back."

"I did."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to." Kai answered him and the wolf laughed. 

The atmosphere was a bit awkward. They had both fallen silent, lost in their own heads but Philip was the first one that spoke. 

"I don't know what will happen next, all I know is about today, well maybe about tomorrow too…" he joked charmingly. "...and what I know is that I want you. I want to be with you." 

"So you want me to like you, be with you just so you can leave me?" Kai asked. 

"No...I...maybe I'm selfish." he mumbled and watched as the vampire smiled slightly. Oh my, how can he be so beautiful? He wondered. He could look at him forever, like a work of art just him existing made the world so much better, more beautiful. 

"I doubt you came here just to kiss me." Kai said, trying to avoid the conversation about the kiss. He had to think, even though it wouldn't do him any good. 

"Well, partly." he answered while smiling. "I actually came here to tell you that I know." 

"You know what?" 

"About the Nightshades, I want to help you." Philip said. 

Kai froze, his heart slowly cracking.

"You...you weren't supposed to know about that." he mumbled. 

It was so easy for Philip to fix his universe but it was as easy for him to break it. 

....

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