Chapter 259 - A Queen, A Holy Empress, Or Both?

[Disclaimer: This chapter features sexual ambiguity and alluding to sexual situations that some readers may find uncomfortable.]

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Page Two:

The King said he likes me because I am quiet and never speak. I have never been complimented by anyone before. The Head Priestess and the Holy Maids were not able to speak to me much. When the Head Priestess taught me to read, that was the only time I would hear her speak. Even then she did not praise me.

So hearing this praise from the King makes me feel very special.

However, he did say that my eyes were strange and that I should not look at him as much.

How are my eyes strange? They are only a bit darker than other people. The doctor said this is perfectly normal for someone who has lived in darkness for so long.

Still, the King is a kind man. He gives me very delicious food and drinks and even allows me to explore an entire wing of the Palace! I am with several maids and servants at all times, but I do not mind. It is better than being stuck in that dark room back at the church.

Although I like to explore, I have to take many breaks and hide in a dark room. The Sun God is still too strong for me. Whenever I leave the darkness of my room for a few hours, I get a really bad headache. My eyes just hurt too much.

The doctor said it is because I am too used to the darkness.

I wonder how long it will take until I no longer have to stay in a dark place. I hope it will not be for long.

The maids and servants decided to put heavy curtains on the windows to block most of the sunlight from coming in. My chest felt like it was hollow when I saw them doing this. All I could think was that they were trying to return me back to that dark room. 

However, I do not want to go back there. I want to stay out here with the Sun God.

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Page Three:

The King made the servants put in a huge library in my wing!

He said that even though he believes woman should not learn how to read or write, he is getting too irritated with me walking around and hovering over him. He told me it would be better if he did not have to deal with me, but since I am here I must do my duty and give him an heir. If I do not, then I am no longer useful to him.

I do not really understand what he means by that. How should I give him an heir? Do I have to ask the Gods for it? Perhaps I should ask someone else what he means.

The King used to be much more welcoming when I first came, but lately I feel… Strange.

When the King looks at me, I feel my heart beat very quickly. However, when he gets angry with me…

I do not like how I feel. It almost feels like I have done something very wrong and am worried I will get scolded. Just like when the Head Priestess would scold me for not acting in a way a Holy Empress should.

It makes me feel like biting my lip and walking around impatiently. Even apologizing does not make me feel any better. I only feel worse after doing it. I have no idea what I should do. I have never had a husband before.

I have tried to apologize to him many times in writing, but he would only rip up the papers or toss them without reading them. He told me if I had something to say then I should say it. However, I am the Holy Empress. I may only communicate with the Gods and the messengers of the Gods.

Lately I have been pondering this. Am I still the Holy Empress?

Or am I a Queen?

I wish the Head Priestess were still here to answer my questions.

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Page Four:

Today I made the King very angry.

I angered him so much he hit me across my cheek. 

It stung so bad; a strange liquid began to spill from my eyes. I have never had my eyes leak before, nor have I ever been hit. The King stormed away after hitting me without even explaining.

I do not understand why he was so angry. One of the servants were only talking to me and I smiled at him. The next thing that happened was that the King hit me.

What exactly did I do wrong?

Am I not being a good wife? The maids told me I only needed to be at my husbands' side and follow his every word. Have I not been doing that so far?

Perhaps I should look in the library for a book that will help me.

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Page Five:

After looking in the library for several days, I came across some really interesting books. There were some that were made entirely out of pictures. The pictures did not look like the kind I have ever seen before. There were several men and women in these books without any clothes on. They seem to be hugging each other quite closely.

Almost like how the King hugs me at night.

The other novels had very strange words inside that must be some kind of incantation. When I read them, I feel my body heat up!

It must be the works of the Gods.

I think that perhaps if I were to follow the words and pictures in these books, the King may become in a better mood. Lately he has only been visiting me at night. However, if I can show him just how great of a wife I am, he may want to stay with me longer.

He might even praise me!

I would not mind being able to leave this wing of the Palace. It is starting to get a bit boring just walking from my room to the library. Luckily, there are more of these interesting books on the shelves.

I really think they may be my favorite kind of books in here.

I keep reading these books, but one of the maids made a strange face when she saw me reading it. Now I feel a bit dirty whenever I read them. I may slip on a cover or something over this book so no one else will look at me strangely again.

There is not that many of these books in the library, so it makes me feel a bit upset. I guess I should try reading other books instead of just these.

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Page Six:

It has been many months since I have had the chance to write. 

Lately, I was feeling very sick. I could not seem to eat and the morning seemed to be the worst time for me. The King called the doctor and he told us that I was pregnant. The King was extremely pleased with this. 

For the first time in a while, he actually looked at me with kind eyes. The doctor said that because I was so young, I needed to be careful what I ate and did. So they changed my diet and now I am barely allowed to walk the halls.

The King made the doctor come to my room once a day to do a checkup. He also had servants watching me at all times. Whenever the King came to the room, he only asked about the child's health. Then once the servant filled him in, he would leave. 

It felt awfully odd to see the King completely ignore me and only give attention to the health of the soon to be child. As the mother, should I not be asked about my health as well?

Oh! But I am not upset with the child over this. In fact, I can not wait to meet him or her.

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Page Seven:

Currently, I am laying in bed recuperating. One of the unfamiliar looking servants attacked me with a knife. I managed to fight him off and even stabbed a piece of glass into his head. However, I had been stabbed in the chest and covered in wounds. My stomach hurt so much it made me faint.

The guards rushed in after they heard the commotion and called the doctor.

After I woke up, The doctor sewed me up and said I was very lucky to be alive. I looked down and discovered that my large stomach was no longer there. When I panicked, the doctor explained that after I fainted, the stress of the event caused me to give birth. So while I was unconscious, the baby was born.

It was a healthy boy.

I was so happy that I asked to see the King and the new baby. One of the servants explained to me that the King had not visited me after the attack to see if I was alive or not. He also ordered that I would never be allowed to see the child.

The King did not seem to care whether I lived or died. 

I asked the maid why and she explained that the King wanted the child to be in a more secure environment to avoid any assassination attempts. Since I was the one who was attacked, the King felt that it was too dangerous for me to be around the new Prince. 

I suppose that just means he will be an excellent father.

I should be happy… 

However… 

I only feel this empty feeling inside of me.