Chapter 93 - A Mother's Secret

"I'm so sorry that your mother is such a worthless person…. I'm so sorry... I know you won't ever forgive me. I've been too horrible to you to deserve forgiveness."

She sniffled, "I was so cruel to you. I tortured you. But despite this, you still helped me. I don't understand. Why would you help your worthless mother? Perhaps I really should have succeeded in dying back then."

No words came out as I listened to my mother. My mind was blank at the sudden words.

She chuckled sadly as she began her story, "I fell in love with your father the moment I saw him. My father had been swindled by a low life merchant, so I went to find this merchant to give him a piece of my mind and to get my father's money back. Who would have known the low life merchant was such a charming and handsome man? One look at him and I was completely smitten. Except my pride would not allow him to win.

So, I fought with him and said some pretty nasty words. When I left, I was so upset with myself. There was no way I would see this man again after what I said. But the very next day, I was visited by the same man with flowers in his hands.

He seemed to like that nasty mouth of mine. My father always said I was too domineering so to hear a man compliment my personality was so overwhelmingly wonderful. I began to spend more time with him and we fell in love. Everything was perfect.

But then my father found out. He was so angry he quickly arranged a marriage without my approval and forbade me to see Kane. I couldn't live without him…."

Her arms tightened around me, "So I slit my throat. If I couldn't be with him, then I'd rather die. I'll never forget how much blood there was."

My eyes widened in shock. This… Was my mother's story?

She continued, "I survived by some miracle. However, my will to live was gone. I could barely speak. I couldn't even bring myself to eat. I was just wasting away in my bed."

She gave a light sigh, "My father was frantic. He would come in and scream at me, but I wouldn't move. Then he started to plead with me, but I still didn't move. He didn't do these things because he cared deeply about me. He was worried beyond belief that I would end up dying and sullying our reputation. This world does not tolerate weakness. To die in such a manner would only bring shame down upon the family name."

Her voice grew nostalgic, "I will never forget the day I woke up to see your father standing over my bed. I reached out to him and said, 'I must have finally died, for now I am in heaven.' I had never felt such happiness."

She chuckled lightly, "He looked down to me and said, 'You silly woman. How long will you lay in bed for?' Then he pinched my sunken cheeks. I was so surprised I said, 'How can I feel pain if I am in heaven?' Of course, I really did not die. I found out that in a frenzy, my father sent word to Kane to see if he could bring me down from death's door. Little did I know that Kane had been so worried, not even a day passed by where he didn't think of me."

"After his visit, I found my will to live again. My father, seeing how serious I was, didn't force me to marry that man. It would be better for the family reputation if I married a lowly merchant instead of dying by my own hand. He told me that I could marry your father, but the family would never associate with me again. I didn't even hesitate. I married your father."

She touched her throat gently. "I spent my entire life covering up this hideous scar of mine."

Her throat had always had some sort of covering, whether it had been a ribbon, necklace, or a high-necked dress. She was ashamed to show it as any woman in this time period would be. There was an unspoken rule that women should not have scars. And they should definitely marry the spouse their parents choose for them.

Now I understand why Dante threatened to expose what was beneath her ribbon the day of the sleepover. This scar was evidence of her sin. It was evidence of her fall from her high nobility status.

"I was still a noble by birthright, but I was no longer a high status noble. We may be nobles, but we became the lowest tier of them. I had not only lost my family, but my so called friends as well. This was obvious when I attended parties. No one spoke respectfully to me. Strangely enough, they kept me in the social circle because Queen Luna seemed to favor me. But their words were still venomous and degrading."

Her tone grew serious, "But I never once regretted my decision. Although it was lonely and hard without a family… I had your father there with me. He was so kind and affectionate. Something I had never received in my entire life. He only ever seemed to look at me. I do admit I got a bit too greedy with that feeling."

She sighed and spoke in a somber tone, "Then everything changed when I had you. You were such a frail and timid child. You were beyond terrified of your father and shied away from him. You would cry at his sight and hide when you knew he was home. He was so upset by this, but he still kept trying to get your attention."

I blinked, still listening to her words quietly. This had been before I became Seri. Lona had mentioned in passing how timid Seri was, but I didn't know she was that scared of her own father.

I wonder why?

She continued, "He stopped paying me attention and focused on you instead. And like a fool I was, I was filled by rage. I wanted that attention and I did not want to share it. So, I started being stricter on you. When that did not make me feel better, I started taking my anger and resentment out on you instead."

I heard her sniffling at my back and knew she was crying.

She held onto me tighter, "I was such an idiot. Not only did I succeed in pushing your father away more, but you began to look at me as if I was a monster. Every time I was close to you, you shook so much. Seeing you like that filled me with anger. I truly was a monster.

When your father caught me treating you so badly, he told me I was a black hearted woman. He turned his back on me and started spending time that that wretched mistress of his. He was barely ever home. You too wanted nothing to do with me. I had thought I was all alone before, but then I realized how foolish that was. For the first time in my entire life, I had a taste of what it felt like to be truly alone."

She now sobbed into my back, "Nothing I can do or say will atone for my sins."

She hugged me tighter, so tight that I found it a bit painful, "It was my fault that I ruined whatever relationship we could have had… I wish I could turn back time, but I can't. "

Her voice spoke with determination, "But this time, I won't mess up. I promise you. What I didn't do for you, I will do for your brother. I will love your brother unconditionally and never let anything bad happen to him. I will protect him."

After she finished her story, she kept mumbling about how she would protect my brother. I wish I could say I felt forgiveness when I heard these words, but I didn't. Hearing those words only caused me to feel pity.

After all, she wasn't my mother. She was Seri's mother.

These words weren't meant for me, but for the real Seri. The one I have replaced for some reason.

I wonder if she knew that I was an imposter, if she would still hold on to me like this?

No. Of course she wouldn't. I'm sure both of Seri's parents would kick me out if they found out. I could never belong with them.

I was just an outsider.

But I still smiled at those words.

'I will love your brother unconditionally'

My brother deserved loving parents. He deserved a stable home.

And you can say what you want about Seri's mother, but at the end of the day she was still much better than my real mother.

I patted her arm that was wrapped around me and spoke in a soft whisper, "I know you will be a great mother to him. You already are."

Her deep breathing sounded in my ears. I turned around and saw her sleeping soundly.

I frowned. Did this b*tch really just fall asleep in my bed?! She really just dropped those truth bombs and then fell asleep?!

Whatever. I will give her the pass tonight.

I went to get out of her arms, but even in her sleep, her arms were wrapped tightly around me refusing to let go. After squirming, I lost my energy and stopped trying to escape. I tried to at least fall asleep, but my mind was still reeling from her confession.

Not only that, but there was also a not so appropriate novel by my side!!

There was no way I was falling asleep tonight.

I glanced at her sleeping face with a strange feeling inside. I muttered out, "You don't have to apologize to me. I'm not your real daughter. I am nothing but a fake. If anything, I'm more like a parasite."

Only because she was sleeping did I have the courage to say those words. Nothing changed on her face after I spoke. She just continued to breath deeply.

I looked away a bit disappointed. Why did I feel so unhappy? Did I really want her to hear those words?

Maybe I just wanted her to cast me out.

Or maybe I just wanted her to say she loved me regardless.

Either way, I received neither. The only thing I got from my confession was an empty feeling.

I sighed and looked out of the window at the moon, "I wonder if my real mother would have ever apologized to me."

But something told me that she never would.

___

The next morning, I was still wide awake and trapped in a bear hug. The door to my room opened.

Oh thank god! Someone's finally come to save me from this torment!!!!

My face lit up as I saw Lona in the doorway. I mouthed to her, "Save me!"

She looked at me. Blinked twice. Then quickly closed the door. I stared at the closed door completely stupefied.

Did she… Did she just leave?

I wanted to cry out. Noooo! Lona! Come back!

As I cried mentally, I heard more footsteps. The door opened once more, and my face lightened up.

She's come back to save me!!!

In that doorway, was not one, but four faces!! They were all looking at me with slack jawed appearances.

I whimpered, "Please stop staring and help me."

Queen Luna just blinked, "I can't believe it."

My father gave a smirk, "I knew she was a softie."

Lona nodded, "I wouldn't have believed it unless I saw it."

Queen Luna nodded, "I guess she just needed to have some drunken courage."

My father gave a slight nod, "She's never really been too good at expressing affection."

Bertram spoke, "Why are we staring at them?"

The three turned to him with irritated looks. He glanced at them with a dense expression. He felt as if he was out of the loop.

Lona sighed, "When have you ever seen the Madam show affection towards Seri?"

My father nodded, "That's right. She's always avoided my darling daughter. Lately she's been more amicable, but she still kept her distance."

Queen Luna smiled at me with sparkling eyes, "I knew it was only a matter of time before she fell head over heels for Seri."

I frowned at their gawking faces.

Oi. I am right here. I can still hear you.

My mother stirred from the noise, "Hmm?"

The four in the doorway quickly disappeared, closing the door softly.

Tsk. Cowards.

I quickly closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep.

I forgot I was also a coward.

My mother sat up and rubbed her forehead. She looked down and flinched. She must be realizing she had drunkenly crawled into my bed. She leaned over to look at my face.

She sighed in relief, "Oh good. She's still asleep."

She quietly and gently climbed out of my bed. After I heard her leave, my eyes snapped open.

I really want some coffee.