Chapter 2 - Envy

Music] Ah, envy. A sin so subtle in its corruption yet so significant in our own moral decline. For what other sin makes us so jealous of the most attractive attributes of others only as an attempt to hide the greatest inadequacies of ourselves. Snow white, poisoned for her unparalleled beauty. Cinderella, ostracized for her charms. But today, it's no longer about wanting to walk in someone else's shoes. It's about living in someone else's skin. [Footsteps] [Music] [Music] A femme skin is a silicone prosthetic suit that is made of 100% medical grade silicone. And it will allow a man to become a woman when he puts it on. Our clients are located all over the world. We have clients in Germany and Switzerland, Australia, Russia. We've sold to China. We've sold to Africa. You name it, we've sold to them. I am the owner of femme skin. I own it with my 3 sons. My husband started the company a little over 7 years ago. But he passed away from cancer so currently, me and my 3 sons own the company. My husband used to be a cabinet man. He did bathrooms, kitchens, wall units. Things like that. He just did so many different things through the course of the years that we'd been married, it's amazing. He built dune buggies and laser lights. When my dad died, you know, a lot of sons like their whole thing would be just to continue on, don't like to ship sink. That kind of thing. I want to crush him. My molds are way better than anything my dad ever made. [Music] Some of our clients are transgender, so for them, they might wear it pretty much on a daily basis. Other clients just want to have fun for a night or want to please their partner. Our cross-dressers are men that just like to dress as women. Period. They don't want to become a woman. They have no dėsɨrė to become a woman. They just like to have fun in it. And they just really want to be beautiful. The common denominator, I've found, is the transformation feeling. They pop on the suit and they give the bȯȯbs a squeeze, they feel real feminine. Who doesn't want to be someone else? I think everybody always wants to be someone else at one point in time. Everybody wants to transcend their own reality. I think the world is always looking to change themselves into something they are not. The 1st time I put on a femme skin, I couldn't wait. I leapt right into it. When I put it on, I just couldn't believe the transformation. I just stood in front of the mirror for like it seems hours. I just love it when I look in the mirror and see that reflection. I see a woman staring back at me and a woman's form. You know, that's kind of what I always wanted but can't have. I can't live as a woman full-time. I've got a daughter and a wife and I have a great job and I would be in jeopardy if I changed my sėx. So, for me, this is a release. They're really appreciative. And they are really, really, really secretive. Some of our clients are very prestigious and they like everything to be very hush hush. We have clients that are doctors. We have clients that are lawyers. I've had a priest. They come from all walks of life. In the Middle East, we cannot ship our femme skins because they are illegal there. It is illegal for them to wear them. It's illegal for us to ship there. There is a whole network, underground rail road almost. Only for this demographic that can't expose themselves because of where they live they will be hunted down and they will have their heads removed. I had a gentleman who was a medical doctor that lives in Iran and he said that he had a compartment on the underside of his luggage that they wouldn't check because of his credentials. You know, we managed to get him one to Thailand, and I hope that he wears it well in Iran. Alex is my youngest one. He is my baby. He does the painting of the vȧġɨnȧe, the painting of the tɨts. Femme skin is definitely a unique business for a family to run. When I 1st started at femme skin, I definitely felt awkward because I was just a normal kid fresh out of high school, turning 18. And I didn't have but one job. I went from landscaping to painting titties and trimming vȧġɨnȧe. Femme skin started for my dad watching a reality television show. A guy had married a doll and when he went on that company's website, he saw a massive crowd asking for the skin from the doll. And it was that simple. I make two femme skins a day. So, I make 10 a week. I have never been embarrassed to tell my friends anything. It's just our every day normal life. I mean, I know for other people looking at us think, man, that family is weird. We are not weird. It is just what we do for a living. We are family oriented and we care about our customers. I think a lot of people just have the misconception of, they are just freaks. And they are not. They are just normal, everyday human beings that like to do something different. I know there is a lot of people that don't understand me. But when I wear a femme skin, I can get that female form that I always wanted in my life. It really is a great feeling, you are definitely changed into a different persona. The more I've known them, the more I like to sell to them. There is bigger human issues at play than whether or not I understand feeling like a woman. I definitely understand what it means to be exiled. And they don't honestly care if you understand why they want to be a woman. They care why you care so much. True, some of us yearn for what we will never have. Others envy what most of us never want. [Music] Me and Chris have been friends for probably 10 years. Chris loves music. I think it's a release. Chris plays bass and he's probably one of the best bass players in this area. And he knows a lot about music, music theory. You know, putting chords together and why certain things work. I have never seen him in his wheelchair. I am an average guy, hard-working person. Get up in the mornings go to work every day. Played in bands for most of my life. That's part of my identity. That's pretty much me except for this one little secret I have. I identify as a guy in a wheelchair. I feel like I have the wrong body. I feel like I'm supposed to be disabled. What I want my life to be like is what is the detriment of a lot of people's lives. The worst thing that has ever happened to them and I think it would be the best thing that ever happened to me. I have had this secret for as long as I can remember. The details of it have developed as I mȧturėd. But deep down, these feelings were always there. I always had an interest in disability. For honestly, as long as I can remember. There were challenges as they are always are. But, I don't think anything seemed unusual to me at all. The 1st memory I have of these feelings was walking in a Sears store with my mother. I saw a little boy walking on forearm crutches with leg braces on and I thought to myself I'm supposed to be more like that kid. I didn't notice anything different about Chris when he was growing up. He seemed to have a nice group of friends, he interacted well with both ȧduŀts and other kids. I laid in bed at night wondering what it would be like to be in a wheelchair. In my teens, I stumbled upon some groups on the Internet and learned that I was not the only one out there who had the feeling that I did. Chris was into a lot of different activities. He really did well in cross- country skiing in high school. As I mȧturėd, I developed an identity of myself as a guy in a wheelchair. I was 28 years old. I had my own apartment for the 1st time. I was absolutely on my own. No roommate, no family around. And I always said to myself, when I finally get my own apartment I'll buy a wheelchair. It wasn't the wheelchair that I really wanted to be in, but it was a wheelchair and it was mine. And it felt good. When I am not in my wheelchair there is a constant nagging at my brain. Things are just not right. I feel at conflict with myself. What I see and what I am walking around and ambulating on two feet is not the image of myself that I have in my brain and have always had in my brain. They just don't align. Being in my wheelchair is always in the back of my mind. A lot of days it's in the front of my mind, I can't escape it. It becomes consuming until I get home and I get in my wheelchair after work for a little while and those feelings dissolve. I spent most of the time that I am in my wheelchair at home because it is a secret. When I go out in public, I travel out of town so I don't run the risk of running into people that know me. Can I check out this red specter. All right, very cool. I go out shopping. Go out to dinner. I worry that when I'm out that someone who is actually disabled might figure out that I am not. That I am actually pretending, that I do not actually have a disability. I fear their reaction because I know how strange my dėsɨrės and my feelings are. The feelings that I get when I see someone who is disabled. They are really heavy. It is like my ċhėst is being crushed. Like my soul is being squeezed out of me. Because I am envious of them. I would enjoy their life because I know that they have the life that I want. He told me about 6 months ago. We were in the car and he said, you know, I really haven't told you about this. This is been bothering me for a really long time. And he relayed how he felt that he belonged in a wheelchair. He was most happy when he was in a wheelchair. It was very baffling to me. Two months ago, he told me about it. I kind of sensed that something was bothering him. We were shooting some text back and forth and he called me and he explained this to me. Some things kind of made sense. Sometimes he is preoccupied, I guess now I know why. [Music] Envy, it's not always an insatiable dėsɨrė of what we think we need. Often, it is a desperate longing for what we can no longer have. [Burning sound] [Music] I was so young when my son was born and I always wanted more children. I wanted the feeling of having a baby again. Oh, how precious. Oh my gosh, she is so cute. Do you like her? Oh, I love her. Holding someone else baby is absolutely wonderful and joyous. This is Sammy. Oh, he is precious. Oh my goodness, he is just adorable. That looks just like my son when he was a baby. They're little for such a short amount of time. Oh, look at that face. I just comb that down a little bit. I think this is the guy is going to go home with me today. I can't wait to take him home and get him all settled. Thank you so much, I had a wonderful time. I'm glad, and you come back and drive safe. Bye-bye, hun. [Music] I was pretty young when my son was born, I was 19. And when you have your own kids, you are so worried and you know, taking care of them and making sure everything is done for them sometimes you really don't get to just enjoy them, as a baby. I love you. I love you. Whenever somebody has a baby, I got to be right there. Right there, you know if the opportunity is there to hold one It takes me back to a time when I was young. When my son was a baby. It just takes me back to a time that is long gone and it feels good to think that I can have something that brings me such joy and such a good feeling and kind of turn the clock back for me. For just a few minutes or how ever long I am holding my baby. [Music] [Drill Sound] What I do for a living. Well, I make reborn babies. They are lifelike baby dolls. I was a general contractor and then a real estate broker for the last 25 years and I gave it all up to make dolls. It turned out to be very fun and very lucrative. I make my dolls here at the house. I used to just take a spare bedroom and then my husband and my son were kind enough to build me a workshop that now I have a full-blown workshop at the home. Everybody walks by and goes, Oh my God, it smells just like a nursery here. [Laughter] I have the women who could never have children that like to have a baby or 2. I have a lady bought 40. Empty-nesters. There's a lot of controversy. If these ladies want to take their dolls in a stroller and go out shopping with them, who cares. I don't think they're nuts because they do it. You can't have a bad day and hold a baby. Come on. Yeah, I like that one. Yeah, it looks like it will fit her. Yeah, that will be cute. Do you like these colors too? Yeah, this will be cute because she has got cute arms. And you can scrunch it up because it's elastic. Yeah. When I had my last child, my 5th child, I still felt like I wanted to have more children. Reborn dolls filled that void of wanting another child because you can always go shopping for baby clothes, baby supplies, diapers. You can take pictures. You can fold it over Yeah. It just gives you that fulfilled feeling without the crying, the work. Can you buy me a piggy bank, mommy? It fills that need since I already have 5 children. Mommy, buy me a piggy bank. I will buy you a piggy bank, but just not today okay. Please. I can't today. When you have a baby, that 1st year goes by so fast. They are newborns, they can't walk or talk or do anything. And at the end of that 1st year, they are walking, talking toddlers. It would be nice if a child, a living child stayed little. [Drill] The 1st year of life goes by much too quickly. The reborn dolls never grow up. [Music] Envy, was there ever a sin as corrosive as it was corruptive. Maybe we have just become consumed with the gifts of others that we have forgotten the core of what it truly is to be ourselves. But who am I to judge. Until next time.