Chapter 135: nana's embrace

-Boom!!!

Alex closed his eyes and waited for the impact of the explosion to throw him, but to his surprise, it didn't. Nana protected him from the explosion.

"The reason it exploded was that you still haven't figured out what I haven't told you. Try again." She stated.

['If she can protect me like this throughout the lesson, then at least I won't get hurt from too many trials this time'] Alex thought.

Although the migraine wasn't subsiding, Alex still wanted to continue. He cleaned the cauldron and started again…

-Boom!!!

Not long after the cauldron exploded again and Nana still protected him against the blast.

"Try again, but this time observe and think before you do." She uttered.

Alex repeated the process. After extracting the impurities from the ingredient he stopped and did as Nana asked him to do. He observed the components of the ingredients in the cauldron.

In it, he could see the ingredient breakdown, gradually deconstructing itself. When he was done observing, Alex still didn't know what to do next.

He decided to add a bit of the next ingredient and observe it. He removed a little piece of the ingredient and dropped it in.

-Boom.

It exploded, but it wasn't like the previous ones. This time the explosion was concentrated and only affected the insides of the cauldron, so Nana had no need to protect him.

"You have observed but you are still not thinking the right way." She chirped in.

"Can't you just tell me what I'm meant to do?" Alex faced her and asked. Blood began to trickle down one of his nostrils.

"This might be too much stress on your mental strength, I wasn't expecting it to be this weak. You are already bleeding, this early." Nana walked towards him and brought out a white handkerchief from her storage ring.

She raised her hand and attempted to clean the blood off his nose. Alex threw his head back and dodged her hand.

"I can do that myself." He stated.

"Okay." Nana stretched her right hand, the one that was holding the handkerchief, telling him to take it. Before his hand could reach it, her hands change course and the white handkerchief was on Alex's nose. She used her other hand to hold his head still and cleaned the blood off his nose.

Alex struggled to get out of her grip, but he couldn't. He made muffled noises as he put his hands on hers and tried to peel her hands away from his head. He felt very weird while she was doing that to him. The only person that used to do this for him and wasn't a medical personnel was Sheila, now that Nana was doing the same he didn't like how he felt.

"Stubborn boy, why won't you let me do this for you, if it was that prime minister's daughter you would have let her, huh?" Out of nowhere, she brought that topic up again. She let go of his head with annoyance written on her face.

['Boy, you better say something before she gets pissed or jealous again and throws you into that forest. Remember she feeds on abuse.'] Al said.

"No, it's not like that. I, I'm just not used to people showing me care or affection. I was either feared or cast out." Alex's face was devoid of any emotions.

Nana saw this and remembered when he was talking to the orphan girls that they met on the road, back at the capital city. He was talking about his past, and while she listened she knew that he wasn't lying to the children.

Her angry expression changed into a curious one. "You said that you were raised to be an assassin, tell me, what is the name of the creed. For them to foolishly let go of a talent like you, I need to go and thank them." She asked.

"I thought that you were done asking me questions." Alex didn't want to tell her anything about the Death's Door creed. In fact, he didn't want to think about it too much, he had placed almost everything about his old world at the back of his mind, planning to revisit them when he has achieved his goal of becoming stronger.

With Nana poking at some sore spots, Alex who already had a hard time controlling his emotions on a normal day was losing more control of it. He frowned at her.

"Are you going to answer my question or not?"

"I don't want to answer that particular question or any question relating to that. You already know what the gist is about since you must have listened to me talking about it to those girls."

"Answer my question, Alexander." Suddenly she was right in front of him with her hands on his neck. Alex knew that it didn't matter if he struggled, if she had no intentions of releasing him then he wouldn't be able to escape her grip.

He looked and stared into her eyes. Nana was serious about wanting to know, not because of her curiosity, but because she wanted to destroy the creed. She didn't want anyone coming to drag her disciple with her. Nana started to tighten her grip on his neck.

She looked into his eyes and for the first time since she met Alex, she could see through his facade, she could see the burning rage, the crippling sadness, the maddening yearn for something more, and the multitude of emotions locked up in the heart and eyes of this kid – that wasn't even a quarter of her age.

"Don't you know that some things are hard for me to say? They didn't let go of me, I defected, okay? Do I have to tell you how I suffered!? The pain that I went through!! How I coped with myself when I had no one but me to look after me!! What's so interesting about that!? If so then let me tell you. I was foolish enough to fall in love and foolish enough to trust!!! I caused the death of the only person left in this world that meant everything to me. The one person I thought that I could trust betrayed me, and the most painful part of it all is that I didn't have the chance to exact my revenge!!" Alex snapped at her, as he spoke saliva flew from his mouth and landed on Nana's face.

He started to breathe heavily, trying to contain his spiraling emotions. For someone that has been traumatized time after time, at his age, Alex was doing quite well trying to hold on to what was left of his sanity. If he wasn't affected emotionally and psychologically by the fact that he had multiple personalities, by the betrayal, and death of the ones he loved, then he might have already gone insane.

Nana could hear his heart beating fast and loud. She noticed him clenching and unclenching his fist and how his lips twitched.

['Did you just snap at her? Did you just snap at her!? You f*cking idiot, do you love to put yourself in trouble!!??'] Al snapped at Alex.

['I-I… couldn't hold it in.'] Alex stated, dejectedly.

['You couldn't hold it in!! You-']

['That's enough Al, he's doing good as he is already.'] Xander interjected.

['Just apologize to her before she messes you up.'] Al finished and went back to being silent.

Alex who had been staring into her eyes with rage in him started to calm down. He averted his gaze away from her eyes and said; "I'm sorry, I didn't intend to shout at you like-"

"Be quiet," Nana said sternly. Just that was enough to make Alex shut up.

With her right hand still gripping his neck, she raised her left hand and slowly brought it closer to Alex.

When he saw this, he couldn't help but flinch. He closed his eyes and raised his chin.

"You can cause me pain all you want, after all, it is the only thing that has accompanied me for as long as I can remember. Cause me pain, but just, make me stronger… please." Alex finished.

He thought that Nana was going to throw him away for the disrespect that he just showed her. He still had a lot to learn from her.

Nana paused when she heard this. 'They must have used to pain to discipline him, no wonder he has that much scars on his body. At his age, he has gone through that much emotional distress. He even tries to hide it behind his cocky and rude attitude. He has bottled a lot of emotions in him, I'm surprised that he's still sane.' She thought.

Nana wasn't the type that felt pity for others, her past nor future wouldn't let her feel such, at most she becomes lethargic and loses whatever intentions she had for that person. At this moment, all she felt for Alex was pity.

"Foolish boy, I told you to be silent."

Alex felt her left hand on the back of his head and her right hand slipping off his neck. She pulled him closer and he was expecting something painful to happen to him. Contrary to his expectations, he felt his headland on something soft and warm.

"If it makes this sad, then you don't need to say to it. Forget about the question. When you are ready to spill those emotions that you have locked up in you, you can just come to me. I am your master now, meaning you are my responsibility." She said softly.

Alex opened his eyes and found out that his head was laying on Nana's breast, he was laying in her embrace.