Chapter 49

12-15 minutes 24.09.2022

A dark hallway with no windows.

Only the footsteps of Caesar and I could be heard. The light from the lamp Caesar held was enough to illuminate our feet.

About 10 minutes later, we started strolling through this long, winding corridor.

Caesar, who had been walking in front of me, holding my hand, finally opened his mouth.

“Helena.”

“Mm?”

“May I ask… how do you know this path?”

You’ve already asked. What do you mean by “may I ask?” Well, perhaps you’re too flustered.

‘Well, it’s natural you’re confused.’

This mansion belonged to the Gray family.

It must be confusing that I knew about this “secret passage” that even the people of the Gray family did not know.

Yes.

The two of us were walking down the secret passage of the mansion.

“I found out by chance.”

“Yes, by chance. You touched the four installations in order by chance, pushed the wall behind the painting by chance, opened the door, and came out of the aisle by chance.”

“That’s right.”

“And you knew that the passage was connected to the cave across the beach by chance?”

“Yes, everything happened by chance.”

“Haa.”

In the end, a short sigh returned to my shameless answer. Caesar’s dumbfounded attitude made me laugh out loud.

“Sometimes I really don’t know you.”

“You think so?”

“I think I know you a lot, but I feel like you’re hiding something from me.”

“For example?”

“Uhm… When subjugating the beasts, the beasts only attacked you.”

Oh, right. That did happen.

At that time, it was Caesar, not me, who first suspected the phenomenon.

Now that I think about it, I realize that he is watching me that much.

Maybe he knows the side of me that even I don’t recognize.

“It must have something to do with the patterns found on the beasts’ hide.”

I could hear Caesar’s quiet murmur.

I looked up at him, but I couldn’t see his expression because he didn’t look back.

Only his broad shoulders and fluttering hair shimmered in the lamp’s shadow.

“But you didn’t ask anything.”

I deliberately raised the tone to lighten the mood.

Only then did Caesar glance back at me. I turned my head back to the front.

“I thought… weren’t ready.”

[T/N: This is another case where the lack of subject makes the sentence a bit weird]

“Ready for what?”

“Ready to tell me.”

“You mean me?”

“Yes. Helena has a lot of things she’s not ready for.”

A lot of things.

Apart from not talking about my past life, in his view, what am I less prepared for?

I speeded up my pace and went past him. Caesar frowned as I suddenly accelerated.

“Don’t run. Watch your step.”

“It’s alright. It’s alright. I won’t fall.”

Replying so, I couldn’t help but smirk.

“You’re not worried about me fighting monsters, but about me falling?”

“Helena is good at big things but tends to be clumsy and stupid over small things.”

“What did you say?”

I refuted it, but I couldn’t argue because it seemed right.

“This road was told by someone close to me in the past.”

“Friend? Does Helena have any friends other than me?”

“Do you want me to get mad?”

“No, it’s strange that you’re saying you heard it from a friend. How did that friend know about the secret passage in the Gray mansion that even the Gray family did not know about?”

“Beep, timeout. That’s it for the answer.”

I said while swinging my hand down the air.

“Anyway, I want to ask. The mansion belongs to the Gray family, so why do you Gray people not know about it?”

“The management of this mansion was left behind as Erez Gray sat on the throne.”

“You mean he completely emptied the mansion?”

“Yes. He didn’t hand over the mansion to any other relatives or bystanders. I was told something like that, more or less.”

After saying that, Caesar let out a light sigh.

“After Erez Gray’s death, attempts were made to find the secret passage, but they were never found. It’s been a royal villa for over a hundred years.”

“I see.”

As for me, I know because Erez told me.

He told me about this path, saying it is a secret handed down only to the family.

When I asked if he could teach a non-family member about what is passed down from the family, he smiled and said to me.

Because I have nothing to hide from my lord.

‘He told this to me, but he didn’t tell his descendants. Erez had an unexpectedly crooked side.’

Well.

He wasn’t a good guy, considering he was with me when I killed my brothers.

He was a good guy only to me.

‘Mm?’

Hold on.

Come to think of it, Erez and Caesar don’t resemble each other only from their looks.

‘Even their personality… is a bit alike?’

But I shook my head as if to swallow the thought that had come to my mind quickly.

‘No, Erez didn’t like me as a woman.’

A man who gives his loyalty to me and a man who gives his love to me are fundamentally different.

‘If I tell you the whole truth, Caesar will be stunned.’

I grinned softly, with a little more force on my hand holding Caesar.

“Don’t worry. I’m confident you will not be shocked even if Helena is the Great Demon King who came to destroy the world.”

“Puhaha. You are the Great Demon King.”

“At any rate, I do have a secret.”

A secret that can never be told.

I must lie to Caesar until the moment I die.

Thinking like that made me feel a bit sad.

“I’m sorry. But I can’t tell you.”

There is a secret. But I can’t tell.

I think this is the limit where I can be honest with him. At least I wanted to tell him that there are things I haven’t said.

“Then that’s enough.”

“Mm?”

“You can tell me when you want to tell me.”

“… What if I don’t want to tell you for the rest of my life?”

“It doesn’t matter. You’re not saying it because it’s the right thing to do.”

Caesar said that and looked at me, and smiled.

His smile was as sweet as usual, overshadowing my worry that he might be upset.

“If I ask you something you don’t want to say, you only have to say a sentence.”

“What should I say?”

“You love me.”

Oh, as expected.

‘This guy’s blind obedience resembles Erez.’

Maybe it’s because I’m walking the path I walked with him in his mansion.

Caesar’s swaying figure in the lamp was that of Erez.

“… I can hear the waves.”

After walking for a while, we reached the exit.

There was the faint smell of the sea and the sound of the waves. A wind blew in from the front to the extent that my hair was gently swaying.

“Let’s go, Helena.”

Caesar smiled and looked at me.

Like Erez, who had led me to this path long ago.

***

Once upon a time, a small boat was hidden inside this cave.

This was so that if the mansion was attacked, the people could escape to the sea by boat from here.

‘There’s no boat right now.’

Did someone find the boat and dispose of it? Or did it disappear because it could not withstand the winds and waves of many years?

“This is the coastal cave…”

Caesar looked around the cave and muttered to himself. His low voice echoed around the cave several times.

“Have you never been here?”

“I’ve been here many times during the day. But I can’t come at night because it’s dangerous.”

You needed a boat to get to this cave. However, the water on the way back was shallow, and there were many whirlpools, so it would not have been easy at night.

“The atmosphere is completely different from the daytime. I’ll believe it’s a different cave.”

“I’ve never been to this cave during the day, so I don’t know.”

“What? The mansion manager must have recommended it as a tourist attraction.”

“Because it’s cumbersome.”

“Well… okay. I forgot for a while. That this woman next to me is Helena Peresca.”

Caesar laughed bitterly.

I beckoned Caesar, pointing deeper into the cave.

“Let’s go that way. What I want to show you is over there.”

Caesar obediently complied with me. The two of us headed deeper into the cave.

In a place where one could barely enter by bending their backs, there was a space narrow enough for two people to sit together barely.

“Here it is.”

I went inside first and squatted down.

Then Caesar sat next to me. He was such a big man, so the space was full even with his legs folded.

“It’s narrow.”

Caesar murmured in a disgruntled voice.

Then he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and hugged me.

“Isn’t this better?”

“Did you hug me because it was narrow, or did you use the narrowness as an excuse to hug me?”

“Both.”

“Seriously…”

Grumbling as if it was nothing, I leaned on Caesar’s shoulder. Now I wasn’t very uncomfortable or awkward in his arms.

“Look above, Caesar.”

“Above?”

At my words, Caesar’s head turned upward. And exclamation burst out before long.

“Wow…”

There was a large, round hole at a distant height, and the stars were dense through the hole.

It was like the ceiling of the dome of the church. However, no matter how beautifully the stars were carved into the ceiling, it would be different from what one saw here.

“Are the stars originally… that bright?”

“It looks brighter because it’s dark here.”

… I answered the same way Erez had answered me back then when I had asked the very question Caesar had just asked.

“The red star in the middle is the guide star. Wherever you come here, you will always be able to see that star.”

“I’m surprised. I didn’t know there was a place like this in this cave.”

“Mm, that’s right.”

A sly smile spread.

The sky from here had not changed at all from 500 years ago.

The guide star hadn’t shifted in the slightest and was still shining there.

Somehow, it put my mind at ease.

“Who was it that told Helena about this place?”

He had asked a question that was difficult to answer. Perhaps he asked such a question on purpose.

Surely what he wanted to hear was not the answer to the question.

I looked up at Caesar. Red eyes were staring at me like the guide star without the slightest shake.

“Caesar.”

I whispered to him, listening to the distant sound of the waves.

“I love you.”

The magic words that could keep any secret a secret.

He hugged my waist and buried his head in my neck. I couldn’t tell if it was him or me who was hot.

A weak wolf.

A beast that obeys only me.

‘What will happen if I tell Caesar today?’

Excitement, fear, and inexplicable grief.

Anxiety about disappearing in vain filled my heart. I hugged him tight with trembling arms.

“I wish you could be my empress someday, Helena.”

“Not now?”

“Not yet, but.”

Caesar said, kissing the nape of my neck. His trembling voice reached my heart and felt like whining.

“It’s because I’m not strong enough to protect you yet. But you’re the only one I’m proposing to.”

I know that day is not now.

“Please, wait for me.”

This is a promise without promise. Maybe it’s his selfishness and the foolishness of a child.

I smiled as I ran my hand through Caesar’s hair.

“Well, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to be an empress right away instead of a crown princess.”

Brande and Valer.

I also realized how much influence these two families had while helping Caesar earnestly.

I cannot be his weakness. He, too, is afraid that I will stand in a dangerous position.

I hugged Caesar’s head tightly and whispered.

“Whoever the opponent is, win. Don’t lose, Caesar. Because I didn’t teach you to be a loser.”

Even if you fight the whole world, you must win.

Even if the opponent is me, only you must win.

Because that’s how I taught you.

***

There was a certain shyness on his heated face, and I laughed a little, even though I knew I shouldn’t laugh.

Sometimes when he looked like a boy, I wanted to give him the whole world by using all I could give.

His hand stroking my skin was painful, so I grabbed his body with my fingernails. I was distracted by his warm breathing and the loud sound of his heart.

“Ah—”

He kissed me fiercely and relentlessly as if to cover my voice that had finally leaked out.

We instinctively encroached upon each other, like babies born into the world and learned to cry without being taught as if we’d known each other from the beginning. As if we had longed for each other from the beginning.

‘The world is born like this.’

Why are summer nights so short?

Stroking the old scar on his back, I leaned on his shoulder and dreamed.