Chapter 33: The Longing for Home

He was at a small clearing. The air pricked his skin. The damp smell of blood that littered the stump and the lone axe that was stabbed on a man's neck made the scene bloody red. All he could hear was the chirping of birds. The glaring sun casts a shadow over him.

"What the hell is this?" he spat out.

"Murder...in a bloody way," said Alcina who was holding her chin. "The monster used the axe maybe?"

"No it couldn't be that axe," he pointed. "It looks like the man was dragged around and beaten around," he lifted the sleeves of the man. "He was tied with a rope – possibly wrapped it around the man's wrist. "

"Why killed like this?" said Alcina.

He traced the line of stitches on the side of the man. "I don't know. He was gutted by the looks of it and the sick fuck that did this was probably a doctor, surgeon, butcher or a Wizard. I'll go with a butcher since the end of the axe has the smell of a cow's dung."

Alcina neared her nose on the handle of the axe and smelled the dung. "There's really the smell of it here!" she exclaimed. "How did you catch a whiff with all of this smell?"

"I just caught it. Anyways, what are they thinking sending us two in order to investigate this? I can tell that the bastard is strong enough to drag this man and was skilled enough to behead him in one strike without chipping the axe. Alcina, I guess they don't want two useless along with them." He leaned on his knees while his face was crumpled. "There are already seven deaths like this and somehow they think it is a monster so they sent two guardsmen of Throes to deal with it. Or are they saying that it is monster because of how the scene looks like?"

Alcina crossed her arms and lifted her modest breast. "Well, if I see a scene like this then I would run and assume that a monster did this bloody scene. I thought of it as well but the way you speak makes it look like a murder done by a butcher. I thought that you'd be afraid of this scene."

Lanon stood up. He bit his lip. "All the killing sadly made me numb to these kinds of scenes. When we were roaming the outskirts we saw men with their lower bodies splattered and strew across a road. Scenes like this are nothing, yet it makes me disgusted inside."

"I see," she nodded. "I am just a farm girl but I lived in the settlements you know? Not to mention that it isn't really new to me. Every day in the settlements there are cases like this. The outer lands are still untamed and the nests of these monsters cannot be discovered easily because of the terrain – or what my pa told me."

He placed his spear on his armpit. "I guess that's how life here is," he muttered. "We should tell them that it was a monster attack."

She tilted her head to the left. "Why?"

"Because saying that it might be a murderer would mean that we might get put on the task of searching for this criminal. We are not local guards so this murder shouldn't be our problem in the first place. Besides, do you really want to find a psycho that could do this bloody scene," he mouthed.

"True," she agreed. "You have a point about that. I rather not chase after a killer like this. Though, it would be fun to know this 'day-bone killer' is."

"He has a title now?" Lanon dragged the body. He took the shovel behind his back and started digging a grave. "So they don't even know if the killer is a human or a monster but they gave it a title?"

She tugged her braid, "That's how folks are here. Either they play dice or make rumors out of shit. I remember hearing that there was a cat that stabbed a knife into a grandpa's chest accidentally. There was also a guy who seeded a woman only for his heart to stop working. The woman had to bear with the dead guy who was heavier than him for hours and pulled his dick out of her."

Lanon's eyebrows met. "Such strange rumors...they are all made up right?"

"Who knows?" she shrugged. "They say that rumors are from the exaggerated truth so there might be truth out of these rumors. Oh, you should hurry in burying the corpse. I should help huh?"

She took the shovel that was handed to her and started helping Lanon in digging the grave. It took them an hour to dig a grave big enough for the corpse to fit in and laid his body to rest. The victim was a poor pilgrim so it was okay for them to bury him. They couldn't possibly search the world for the person's relatives.

Lanon did the victim a favor by piling stones on the grave. He then pressed his palms together and prayed for the soul of the victim. It was odd for him but the words different from the Talon language came out of his mouth. The words felt it was something he learned and familiar with it.

"What was that?" asked Alcina.

"The Lord's Prayer," he said. "It is probably the prayer I learn from my country."

"I don't remember a language like that or heard of it," she said.

"Well...my country is probably a country you've never heard off. Well, it's not like it matters now," he lamented with a lowered head.

Lanon and Alcina started walking on the dirt road leading to the city of Moirai. He walked slowly shoulder to shoulder with Alcina. His head was pointed down and there was this aura of loneliness around Lanon. Alcina eyed him from time to time and didn't talk.

They continued sauntering along the road until they rested under a shade of a tree. There was green pasture all around them and in the distance, they could see tree-line leading to the deeper forests and mountains. Lanon tried drinking water when he realized it was all out. Alcina poked him and offered her water skin.

"You've been lost for a while," Alcina said.

"Ah, I was indeed," Lanon sipped on the water skin. "The 'thought' of home made me miss a home I don't even remember. Do you have that feeling sometimes? When you really want to know but deep in your heart, you cannot do it? There are so many obstacles that you might as well give up. It is like finding a lost city of gold but you don't know if it is real or not."

"So you are worried about home?" asked Alcina.

"Yes, I am worried about home. I don't know where home is. The home that is in shattered pieces inside my head felt like it exists yet at the same time it feels like it doesn't. Do you know how it feels? Being robbed of memories and the only thing left for you are remnants of a peaceful country where the peace is so stagnant that is almost choking?"

"Sounds like a nice place."

"It is. I sometimes dream about the place and I would awake with a heavy heart. This 'home' feels like a dream and I fear that the home that I cannot remember might not be my true home. What if because of my loss of memories that I started to think of this utopia? Did I create this 'home' because of how I've forgotten the home that I know? Is this home where I belong to?" he smiled bitterly. "And even if this home is my true home. How could I find it with how am I? I am just a powerless man who's working as a guardsman."

Alcina kept her silence.

"I know this home is unreachable. I cannot fathom how I would return to that home. Even if I spend a lifetime learning magic – I know that there is a good chance that I might not be able to return to. That 'home' where I would return to would change. It might not, but I know I will. I'll grow old and they might not recognize me." His smiled grew bitterer. "And what if they have changed as well? What if that home no longer has the people that I cared for? It would amount to nothing at all. So now I wonder what the point of it all is."

"Sounds like troublesome," she scratched her head. "As for me, I am rather plain. My ma and pa should be out there. I can find them easily and they might be picking crops. Or they could be dead and I've already lost them. But, ma and pa used to say that life is a lonely road. That's why I always keep moving on since I really don't want to turn back and be sad about it. I don't know what to say about your problem. It must be lonely...isn't it?"

"It is," he nodded. "It is so heart-wrenchingly lonely that I felt like dying or screaming for this unfairness. I called for whatever God there is but they don't holler back at all."

Slowly, he was able to regain his memories. They are fragments but they are still memories that he was fond off. It was memories that somehow clung to his head while it was all robbed by someone or something. Through these memories that he understood what he was or what world he belonged.

Indeed, there was this childish thought that he was summoned to save this world. But, the months that have passed since his arrival in this world made it clear to Lanon that he was a pure nobody. He was a poor bastard that was thrown into a world where he was not chosen.

He didn't have powers or God-given blessings like the War Maidens or the Elemental Heroes. He wasn't that smart. He wasn't a genius. He didn't have the ability to create the items he knew that would do him well in this world. He was just a normal person once in a modern world. How the hell could he possibly know how to create gunpowder or create firearms?

There was no way he could replicate the intricate designs of the weapons. He wasn't a gunsmith or someone who knew how to make gunpowder. He has ideas but how could he do it? Pull it out of his ass? All he could do now was just buy the powder and even those powders cost a hefty price.

There was no goddess or magical being that told him, "You shall save the world" or a lucky miracle that will change his life forever and put him on the path to greatness. If he was destined to be great then why did he start in this world as a beggar and even as times passes he was still a guardsman. There was no heroic sword that was meant for him. There were no powers waiting to be awakened inside him. Therefore how could he possibly love a world that was unkind to him?

That's why even though he still wakes up in the morning. Lanon knows that he was lost and he has no direction. He missed home and the thought of it puts him in a depressing mood. He doesn't know why he still gets up and lives on his life. As if he was in a dark pit and that there was no climbing it. Man needs reasons and that reason was lost on him.

"Hey," Alcina said. "Can you see the city from here?"

"I can," he answered.

"That's your home now," she said.

"Huh?"

She stood up and placed both hands on her hips. "If you don't know where this home is, then just make a home here! You may not have anyone you care for so why not start by caring for me?" she smiled teasingly. "I may not be much and I am not really pretty but it's a start, right? It may not much of a home for now or you may not have those people you care for but isn't it better than nothing?"

He stared at her. She was truly not special at all. She didn't have anything on her other than her sunlight-like smile and the freckles on her cheeks. Her braided hair and the way she wore her helmet made her look clumsy. Yet, she was dazzling to him.