7 The Catgirl Dilemma

We spent the night in two separate rooms. Briggo, Truck-chan, and I slept in one, while the cat-women slept in another. Truck-chan had the option of bunking with the girls instead, but she refused and then she called Blair a prostitute. Since there were only two beds in each room and Briggo needed an entire bed for himself, I was once again stuck sleeping right next to Truck-chan. Thankfully, she wasn't naked this time because Dakota let us borrow a nightgown from one of the barmaids.

I was hoping for a quiet, peaceful morning after all the commotion of the previous night, but those hopes were quickly dashed when I was suddenly woken up by Briggo's screaming.

"OH NO!!" he shouted. "Birito, WAKE UP!"

"What?!" I asked, rubbing my eyes. "What's going on?"

"I overslept! It's almost daybreak!"

At first I didn't register the significance of that statement, but as my mind emerged from the fog of sleep, I realized what he meant. Before we went to bed Briggo said that he would wake up before daybreak and take Truck-chan back to the stables; that way she wouldn't transform into a truck on the second floor of the Inn. If that happened her secret would be revealed to everyone at the Inn, and worse yet the entire floor would probably collapse under the weight of her truck form.

I jumped out of bed and turned around. Truck-chan was still sleeping peacefully beside me, but Briggo wasted no time. He ran across the room, grabbed the still-sleeping Truck-chan, threw her over his shoulder, and then he sprinted for the door. I didn't know what else to do so I grabbed my glasses and ran right after him.

Both of us were in our underwear. My only outfit was drying downstairs after Dakota was kind enough to have it washed, and Briggo had slept without his armor in order to allow the wounds on his back to heal. As Briggo ran towards the stairs with Truck-chan over his shoulder, she finally woke up.

"Hey… where… where are we going?" she asked.

"Don't worry Truck-chan," Briggo said. "We'll be at the stables in just a moment."

But then, before Briggo could reach the stairs, one of his heavy steps was too much for the old floorboards to handle and his foot fell through the floor. This caused him to trip and lose his grip on Truck-chan, and because he had been running at the time, the momentum launched Truck-chan through the air and right out of an open window that stood at the end of the hallway.

Truck-chan screamed and so did Briggo. Since I was running right behind them, I couldn't stop myself. I nearly tripped over Briggo, but at the last second I managed to swerve around him and come to a stop right in front of the window. As I was about to look out to see if Truck-chan was okay, a panicked Briggo ran right at me.

"TRUCK-CHAN!! Are you okay?!" he cried, and it looked like he was about to trample me on his way to the window.

"No, Briggo, STOP!" I screamed and held out my hands towards him, but it was too late. Briggo's huge body slammed into me, and in the very next moment we were both flying through the window.

I was about to die in the stupidest way possible.

I closed my eyes and prepared for the end, but our fall was much shorter than I had expected. I felt my back land on a hard, flat surface, and then I felt Briggo's massive frame landing right on top of me.

"ARGH!" I cried, gasping for air. "Ouch, Briggo, get off me!"

"Whoa, what happened?!" Briggo asked. We both looked around and, to our great surprise, we saw that we were lying on top Truck-chan's roof. She must have transformed right after flying out the window, and as a result our fall was much shorter. Instead of falling all the way to the ground, we dropped onto the roof of the truck.

"Truck-chan, are you okay?!" Briggo asked. The morning sun was just poking out from above the hilltops.

"Uhm… I guess so," Truck-chan replied. "One moment I was a human, and then I suddenly became a truck again. Very strange."

"Very lucky," I said. If the transformation hadn't occurred at that exact moment, all 3 of us could have been severely injured, or worse. But even though we were lucky, I was still in a very uncomfortable position. Briggo was on top of me, and my chest and ribs felt like they were going to cave in.

"Get off, Briggo," I said. "You're crushing me."

"Oh, Birito! I'm sorry. I was just so worried about Truck-chan."

At that very moment, the doors of the Inn swung open and two people walked out. One of them was the Springle Elf from last night, and the other looked like an ordinary human.

"Whoa, what's that?" the human asked.

The elf looked up and saw us. "It's two naked guys, hyuk-hyuk."

"What are they doing?"

"Looks like they're hugging on top of that carriage."

"Hugging?!"

"WHAT?!" Briggo exclaimed. "No, we're not hugging! No one's hugging!" He jumped down from the roof and landed on the ground with a loud STOMP.

"Well shinkledinks," the elf said and laughed. "If you weren't up there hugging, then what in the world were ya doing?"

"Oh, well, there was a problem," Briggo said. "Yeah, that's right! A problem with our carriage."

"What kind of problem?" the human asked.

"Uhm… it was a fire. Yeah, a fire! We had to run out here to put it out, so we didn't have time to dress."

The elf rubbed his chin. "A fire… on the roof?"

Briggo nodded. "Yes, on the roof."

"So where's the smoke, my good man?" the human asked.

"We put it out, so all the smoke is gone. That's all there is to it, right Birito?"

"Yes," I said and nodded. I was still up on the roof in my underwear, and I didn't know how I was going to get down. I would probably break both legs if I tried to jump off like Briggo.

The elf continued to rub his chin, and then he just shrugged. "All righty then, hyuk-hyuk-hyuk. Makes no difference to me. I'm glad you lads put your fires out." The elf then pulled a small wooden pipe out from his pocket, lit it up with a match, and began to smoke. The human lit his own smoke, and then the two of them started chatting amongst themselves.

Briggo helped me down from the truck and we whispered to Truck-chan to stay quiet while we went back up to the room and got dressed. Once I was down on the ground, I noticed that torn pieces of Truck-chan's nightgown were scattered all over the place. The gown must have ripped as she transformed. I wasn't sure if the elf and the other guy noticed the nightgown fragments, but if they did then I'm sure it only added to the bizarre nature of this entire situation.

We rushed back into our room and Briggo put on his armor. Now fully dressed, Briggo went out and retrieved my clothes, which were finally free from the smell of urine.

"The elf didn't seem drunk this morning," Briggo said as I got dressed.

"I'm guessing he slept it off, but he still seems sketchy as hell."

"You got that right! But here's the thing, Birito. I think we should send letters to both Animak and Nuxanor; we should tell them about our journey and the looming danger posed by the Demon Lord Havoc. I've done my best to avoid associating with the Springle Elves up to this point, but Nuxanor's letter and the appearance of Kor and Evanito here at the Inn were a wakeup call. We must dispel any confusion that Animak and Nuxanor might have about why we're here, otherwise their pointless rivalry might derail our plans. We can't afford any more distractions along the way."

I nodded.

"So, uhm, Birito… could you please do me a favor?

"Sure, what do you need?"

"Can you talk to the elf for me and give him the letters in my place? I am a man of honor, and I swore that I would never have any personal interaction with those damn Springle Elves again."

"Sure," I said again. I could see how dealing with these messenger elves could become annoying over time, but I hadn't been here long enough to find them anything other than hilarious.

Briggo breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Birito. Thank you, my friend. You don't know how much this means to me." He used the desk in our room to write two short letters, and when he was finished writing he placed them into envelopes and wrote an address on each one. Then he handed the letters over to me along with two silver coins.

"This is more than double his normal payment," Briggo said, "so I hope to God that he will actually deliver the letters in time."

"Right, I'll go talk to him." I started to leave, but Briggo stopped me.

"Wait, before you go, there is something else that we should talk about."

"Sure. What did you have in mind?"

"Blair and Sophia."

"The cat-women?"

"I believe that we should take them with us to Animakistan. They're looking for an audience with Animak, and I am one of the very few people who can make that happen. After they helped me last night, it's the least I can do. My wounds feel much better already, but without Sophia's treatment it would have taken weeks for me to recover."

"So you want to take them with us, on the truck?"

"We're all going to the same place anyway, so the arrangement would make perfect sense if not for Truck-chan. I don't know if we can convince her to let them tag along."

"You mean because of me, and the Blair thing?"

Briggo nodded. "Precisely."

"I don't know what that's all about," I said and shrugged. "I've never gotten much attention from women, and now I suddenly have two gorgeous girls fighting over me. I still don't think it's real, to be honest. I think they're just playing a joke on me."

"Oh Birito, you're still so ignorant about the ways of this world."

"What do you mean? There's absolutely nothing special about me, Briggo. I'm not strong like you, I don't have any magical powers, I don't have any money, and I'm terrified of pretty much everything in this world. What could any woman possibly see in me?"

Briggo shook his head and smiled. "Haven't you heard of chadformation?"

"Transformation?"

"No, CHADFORMATION. There is a reason why so many women within this world love men who are ordinary, weak, and unaccomplished. All the legendary heroes of this world started off as feeble, pathetic cowards when they were first isekai'd here. When a beautiful woman meets someone like you, she knows that you are yet to undergo your chadformation."

"But why?" I asked. "Why wouldn't they be interested in someone who is already a strong, successful hero?"

"Think about it, Birito! The men who have already accomplished everything have nowhere else to go. There is no progress left for them to make. They are boring! Women want men whose journey is just beginning, men who are yet to develop into their best selves. To put it simply, they want men with infinite potential, and you are just such a man."

I shook my head. "I don't get it. You're saying that being weak and useless makes me MORE attractive to women?"

"Where did you say that you were from, Birito?"

"In our own world? Japan. I'm from Tokyo, in Japan."

"Well then you must be familiar with Anime."

"Well yeah, of course, I used to watch them as a kid. But that stuff doesn't interest me anymore… I'm not some sweaty Otaku or anything."

Briggo looked at me and smiled. "Think of it this way, Birito. In this world you are like an Anime protagonist, and what woman wouldn't be attracted to a protagonist? All the adventures that you are sure to have, all the feats that you are sure accomplish, all the meaningful character development that you are sure to undergo. No woman can resist that!"

"Me, a protagonist?" I laughed at this. "I'm just a Spamazon delivery man. All I wanted to do was contribute to society and live a quiet life."

"We don't choose our fate; our fate chooses us. And your fate is to be the protagonist of your own story. You have protagonist powers, Birito, you just need to learn how to use them!"

Part of me thought that Briggo was crazy for believing that I could become extraordinary, but another part of me said SCREW IT! If I'm already in this crazy magical world surrounded by fantastical creatures and incredible powers, then I might as well embrace the craziness (at least until I can find a way back home).

"All right then, Briggo. Were you serious when you said that I can unlock a Kink?"

"But of course. You just need to embrace your innermost desires, and when the time is right your Kink will manifest. Don't worry, Birito. I will train you in the art of Kinks."

I nodded, and a strange sense of excitement washed over me. "Thanks, Briggo. I've never been a good student, but I guess there's a first time for everything. I'll do my best!"

"Excellent," Briggo said. "Now let's get a move on! You go and give those letters to the elf, and I'll go and talk to Truck-chan. My personal gratitude aside, having a trained warrior and a trained healer with us on this journey could be a lifesaver. Who knows what other obstacles we might encounter, so I hope that I can convince Truck-chan to bring Blair and Sophia with us."

****

When I tracked down the Springle Elf he was already drinking at the bar. At first he wasn't interested in talking to me, but when he saw the silver coins he happily accepted the letters. His face was suddenly friendly, he shook my hand profusely, and he told me that his name was Dingle. He then placed the letters in his pouch and exited the tavern along with his penguin.

I watched as the elf mounted his penguin, and then the penguin began to walk and flap its wings. I noticed that this animal's wings were different from those of penguins in our own world ─ they appeared to be larger and sturdier. Perhaps this explained why these creatures were actually capable of flight, but it wasn't until it began releasing a steady stream of loud, ripping farts that the penguin became airborne. The farts propelled the penguin and the elf into the air, and in the very next moment they were flying around erratically, zigzagging over the fields and above the trees. The elf turned to me and waved.

I actually waved back, and I couldn't help but laugh out loud at the sheer madness of all of this. As the airborne elf disappeared over the hilltops, I made my way back to where Truck-chan was parked. Briggo and Truck-chan appeared to be arguing, and Briggo seemed frustrated.

As I approached, Briggo turned to me. "Truck-chan says that she wouldn't mind letting Sophia come with us, but she refuses to take Blair. I tried to explain that both of them would be helpful to us during the journey, but Truck-chan won't budge."

"That's right," Truck-chan said. "Sophia seems nice, but Blair is a smelly harlot and I won't let her ruin our relationship, Birito-kun."

Instead of trying to make sense out of this senseless situation, and instead of dwelling on the fact that I was listening to a sentient delivery truck talk about relationships, I decided to try a different tactic.

"Truck-chan, you say that you care about me, right?"

"Well of course I do, Birito-kun. We are in love!"

"Uhm… okay. So that means that you trust me, right?"

"Yes, of course. I trust you."

"Then you trust me when I say that Blair can't take your place in my heart, and that you have nothing to worry about." This was technically true since neither of these women had a place in my heart to begin with. Truck-chan was a truck, and I only just met Blair.

Truck-chan was quiet for a moment. "I mean… I trust you Birito-kun, but I don't trust her. She's a dirty, hairy seductress. You know how she looks at you!"

I shrugged. "So let her look. She means nothing to me. You and I have a unique relationship that no one else in the world can duplicate." This was also technically true. Who else can say that their delivery truck became a sentient shapeshifting princess who happens to have a crush on them?

"I… I don't know," Truck-chan said.

"Think of it this way," I continued, "if Blair and Sophia can help keep us safe on this strange and dangerous journey, then we are putting ourselves in danger by not taking them with us. Would you want to put us in danger because of some petty jealousy? Would you want to put ME in danger?"

Truck-chan was quiet for quite a while. Then, finally, she said: "You're right, Birito-kun. Sir Briggo thinks that we'll be safer if we bring them with us, and I know he wouldn't lie about something like that. If you both think that they should come along, then I accept."

"Great," I said.

"But they have to ride on the roof, like Sir Briggo," Truck-chan added. "And if Blair tries to hit on you again, I will run her over. Okay?"

"Uh, okay, sure, I guess. Briggo?"

"Yes," he said and nodded. "That sounds fair to me. I'll go and let them know."

Briggo went back inside the Inn, and before long he returned with Blair and Sophia. Each cat-woman carried a single traveling suitcase and Briggo helped them tie the luggage up to the roof with some rope he got from Dakota. In order to keep Blair and Sophia from learning Truck-chan secret, we made up an elaborate story about why everyone except me had to ride on the roof, and why Truck-chan's human form was nowhere to be found. The story involved some nonsense about the truck's cabin being too stuffy to support more than one person because of the gases that the engine produced. More ludicrous still, we told them that Truck-chan had a mysterious illness which made her sensitive to the sun, and so she had to stay locked inside the cargo area by herself throughout the entire day.

The cat-women didn't seem to mind any of this, and they were grateful to have a ride to Animakistan. We said our goodbyes to Dakota, packed some food and drinks for the road, and then we were off. I was sitting behind the wheel and pretending to drive as Briggo assumed his usual position right above the cabin. Blair and Sophia made themselves comfortable behind him, taking full advantage of the long and spacious roof. We followed the gravel road around a steep mountain range, still heading northeast by my estimation, and in just a couple of hours we reached the border of Animakistan.