Chapter 78 - What Would He Say

Heart lay in his bed in a rare moment of downtime. He lay staring up at the ceiling, arms tucked behind his head, his legs crossed. The roof was covered in a small pattern of glow in the dark stars that Min had probably purchased at some seven eleven close by. Probably, right around the time, the funeral had ended and when he had moved in with her. A gift Min had gotten for him. He had remembered watching her with both curiosity and confusion

He still remembered what she had told him back then. He smirked. Looking back at the kid he had been then. What would he say to that naive innocent kid now?

What would this Heart say to that Min from back then? Probably "thank you". She had always been an amazing sister. He didn't know how she did it. He was her age and he still didn't think he was as good a person as Min was. It took a special kinda woman to take on a stubborn seven-year-old when they were only nineteen.

"Min what are you doing?"

"I am putting up the stars in the sky above your bed."

'That isn't the sky, that's my ceiling' Heart observed.

"Why are you doing that when there are stars outside, all I have to do is lookup?"

Min smiled down at him.

"You don't look at the stars very often do you?"

Heart shook his head no. "Momma rarely had any time; she was always working when we lived in Koh Chang. And I was always playing with my friends." Heart admitted sheepishly.

Mins smirked.

"I figured."

"You can't see the stars in Thailand very well Heart, because it's too hot, and humid. See the world is crazy hot in some places and crazy cold in others. Here in Thailand, it's so hot that the air gets thick with the heat and hard to see through. Since it's hard to see even at night, the air is too thick to observe the stars around us. I heard that there are places so cold that you can see stars as far as the world stretches. That there are thousands of stars twinkling across a sky so open and big you feel like an ant beneath them. The air is so crisp and clear that the stars almost look like they are being swallowed up by land." Min said hoping down, she tucked Heart into bed with a gentle smile on her face, her eyes twinkling brightly.

"You want to see it, don't you?" Heart asked Min. He could tell she wanted to be there in that place where the world swallowed the stars, and the sky was speckled with them by the thousands.

"Did you put the stars on the ceiling because you like stars and want me to feel as happy as you do when you see them?" Heart asked.

Min chuckled softly.

"No, I put them up there so that whenever you miss mom you can still talk to her." Min said.

Heart scrunched up his nose.

"They aren't real stars Min, they are fake ones. I can't talk to Mom in here if I can't see the stars."

"I know what people say, that a spirit goes up to the stars when they can no longer be here on earth. But they are meaning real stars Min. I am seven, not a baby."

Min smiled sadly.

"Sometimes we have to make our own magic Heart. Sometimes we have to believe in what is hard and be okay with what we have even if what we have is less than the best, or even close to the thing we wanted."

"Mom can't come back, and we can't see the stars where she is and thank her for all the wonderful times she gave us."

"But we can still take a second out of our busy day and look up at these stars and remember that when we miss her and feel alone she is with us. And when we lay down after a long time and our bodies are weak and tired from life and we might have forgotten the stars are there to remind us that she is still here giving us strength."

Heart blinked away a tear at the memory that had flooded him so vividly.

"Hey mom, is Num up there with you now? Are you two playing? Are you two happy? I miss both of you... I know it has been forever since I talked to these stars. I know it has been forever since I said hello. But I hope you are happy. I hope both of you have found each other. Num is a really great cat and she will keep you warm on cold nights. I miss you." Heart said turning away from the stars

There was zero noise in the apartment, Min had stepped out with Tee to go to the store for a few things Min needed to pick up. She was already starting to crave things, and her newest one had sounded horrible, I-Tim-Pad and Moo Ping together, and when he said together he meant together. She had married the two, dipping the barbequed pork into the liquid. Heart, of course, had promised himself since he had found out Min was pregnant that he wouldn't abandon her as much as he had before.

But moo ping dipped in I-Ti-Pad... No thanks, he had passed when he found out that's where Tee was taking her. They had gone out for a late snack about two days ago, and he had been introduced to his sister's new habit. With the looks they got he had wanted to say he didn't know her, but standing beside her was a dead giveaway since they very clearly looked related.

Heart turned to look at the window he could always find Num sitting in, the window that was always open, letting in the cool air. Still open and ready to let Num out if she wanted to roam the world below. Num always used the stairs that were off to the right side of the balcony. They were a bit of a leap for a human but were perfectly fine for a cat to use on the daily. The stairs started at the top apartments and went all the way straight down to the ground, a series of black metal bars that Heart used to watch her jump from easily when she was younger. 

Heart turned away from the window rolling over and was met, by the big somber-looking panda bear pillow.

He sighed, the melancholy chewing away at him as he chewed away at his lip.

There was another problem he knew he needed to address sometime soon. He had talked on the phone with Saint every single day since Num's passing. But he still hadn't seen him.

He felt awful; he hoped that Saint knew in his heart that he wasn't avoiding him on purpose. His mind was so filled with the exams and studying he had put off, that he had been spending all of his free time with High and Tone just trying his best to catch up. He had taken the internship to try and get a good enough recommendation to get a good-paying job so he could save up money for Min and, even though the internship wasn't supposed to be paid at all, he was still getting regular pay. He had wanted to decline it like he had the sixty thousand dollar bonus Saint had thrown in his face way back when, but he had been trying to save up for Min all along, so instead of letting his pride get in his way, he had accepted the payment.

Back then he had almost felt like he was being paid for his body when he took that first paycheck. But he realized in all that time Saint had teased him daily, but never stepped across that line. Saint had never demanded what had been agreed upon, in the contract they had signed. 

Or bullied him into obeying the words that had been spoken between them that night as the heavy desire they had both felt had compelled them to give not their senses. Not until that night on the beach in Phuket had Saint ever gotten what he had wanted, and yet all that time he had been paying Heart the same way as any real employee. Not as an intern but as a real employee.

Because of that, he had a nice little nest egg he could use to help Min and Tee with the wedding. If things had been the way he had been thinking of for the past year. Then Heart would have earned enough money himself to pay for the bride's gift to the groom's family and still help with the downpayment on the flat. But the timeline he had planned on had been thrown into the air and scrambled like a westerners dinner.

Now all he had to do was help out, and exist.... And pass his exams.