Chapter 6 - 6: Be Safe

Kaylen stood in the airport jacket in hand, bag in the other, His suit jacket hung over his arm the way he always did when he was getting impatient, or had become to hot to wear it. He didn't really like wearing them but Emily insisted he was a brand. He was a specialist, and he deserved to look the part. But she had told him if he really didn't want to wear it he could always sling it over his arms so he still had it on hand. She said it helped make him look dapper anyway. He glanced down at it, and his eyes drifted towards his hand. He held two tickets in his hand, two tickets that were about to change his whole life. A whole new journey he would be going at alone. It frightened him, he was letting go of everyone and everything he loved. But it was the right thing to do, he reminded himself. Emily and her family had worked so hard to get him a chance at this. 

And it was his dream…

But he hesitated. 

He couldn't help it. 

Quintin hadn't come, he had known when they were leaving and he wasn't there. Kaylen sighed.

'He shouldn't have ever thought that there was even the minutest of chances, but in his heart he was waiting, watching the doors that had family members all lined up hugging and kissing people goodbye. Some waving, others milling around in small circles.'

He strained to meet that little ember of hope inside him, not daring to let it snuff out. 'He would come!'

He told himself that, but time stretched on, and the loading bay stayed the same for him. For others people came and went. But his family area hadn't budged, no late comers… No super late comers.

His family had come... and Quintin's had too, but Quin was nowhere in sight.

In fact he hadn't seen him again since he had slapped him and walked out of their shared flat. It had been three months.

Three months of waking hell. He had never realized just how much he had relied on Quin. Just how much Quin was a part of every moment of his life.

He suddenly found himself with set weekly reminders that only lorded over him exactly how dumb he had been. he didn't delete any of them, maybe because it felt good to be punished for what he had done. Maybe because he couldn't do anything to wreck the balance of his daily life. Or at least that's what he told himself. He liked routine, liked schedules. He didn't want to destroy the perfectly crafted balance he had cultivated. But that was just a cover up, in his heart he knew that he could never erase Quin from his life.

So they all went off. reminders for their lunch dates. Reminders to pick up Quintin's favourite soap, his favourite body wash arriving in the mail once a month. Make sure Quintin has enough reeds for his flute. Or even when a new episode of their favourite show came out. Dry cleaning for both of them.

He kept it all. He hadn't even cancelled the auto deliveries. Even though he had started living with Emily he still went back and picked them up. Instead he had started using those things, so that they wouldn't go to waste.

It was like Quintin was still with him, his scent followed him around like normal. Except sometimes when he would forget and he would get a whiff, his heart would lighten and he would become hopeful. But it was a trick, he was playing on himself. Quintin was never there. He hadn't come to his hospital. He didn't frequent their favourite coffee shops or restaurants. The person giving him hope was only his own broken heart that lingered, unwilling to let go.

But still even now he had wondered.

He had wondered if that was really goodbye, if Quin could be happy with that as the last time they really did see each other before he moved halfway across the world.

Kaylen spun the ring on his right hand, twisting it how he always did when he got nervous. The ring on his left hand remained untouched as it had since he put it on three weeks ago.

Emily's family had seen no reason for them to stop hiding their engagement and had forced him to put it on. regardless of what his family thought. And secretly neither of them had told anyone that it wasn't just an engagement ring, they had secretly gotten married at the courthouse that same day. But the ring still felt awkward.

He wondered if he sized it properly, because it still felt tight. The one on his right fit perfectly, so he knew how the ring was supposed to feel. Otherwise he wouldn't have had a clue, he had never been the jewellery wearing type. But he couldn't imagine not wearing the ring anymore. He had put it on the day Quin had walked out. It was a reminder of the grave mistake he had made.

Or he told himself that.

Not that he couldn't let go of the fact that it was something Quin had picked out in high school as a joke one time. When he said when he got married he wanted that set of rings and had pointed to a brilliant silver steel set in the window. Kaylen had jokingly asked if he was going to wear that then what would the poor bride have to wear to match.

Quin had answered honestly, like he always did. I am not wearing both bands, you can have the other one. Both on one finger they would just be gaudy.

'I should have disillusioned him then. Why did I go along with him?'

'The same reason you always do, it's the same reason a boy who never lies, would let you lie for the both of them. Because he meant something to you and you meant something to him.'

He looked down at the ring and then back up at the terminal port. Over the speakers he heard his flight number called and his heart sunk.

'That really was going to be their goodbye?'

'For the rest of his life, that is really how he was ending a twenty three year relationship.'

"Come on Kaylen if we don't leave now we will miss our flight and Daddy will be annoyed we are four hours late!"

Kaylen turned away, His mom's gave him one last big wave and he waved back before walking off towards the plane.

"Goodbye Quin, be safe."