Chapter 85 - Cold Pain

I was lost and dreary without realizing there were approaching footsteps behind him, fast and coming. A hand took my arm and whirled me, I did like I was willed, not an ounce of strength in my body, a single air could cast me away at this point.

"Sylvia" Mother said with sad eyes, her looks holding worry for me.

"Is this really happening Mother... Will Cedric really marry her?" I demand like I haven't seen it myself, that a Northern princess would marry my husband and become Empress of the Empire.

She pulled me into a hug like she knew I needed comfort, I became weak again as I cried ever so loudly, why does it hurt so much and to this extent that I couldn't control myself.

"Hush now, this is not the end of the world, you're still his wife" she broke the hug, placing her hand on my cheek. "You will still bear his children as it's your right as a silver-haired, Yes Cedric will marry her but it is only for political reasons, I'm not a fan of politics but if the Emperor made this decision..." She took a deep breath. "Then nothing we say will matter, we're but ladies, silver-haired with duties".

"But he does have a say, doesn't he? Cedric never told me any of this, I feel like a fool" I broke, and then my eyes narrowed. "You knew this didn't you?", it was a realization that came to me, and it felt like I was pricked with a needle and I was awakened from a slumber.

"I heard" she struggled to say, she took my hand. "I'm just as upset as you're Sylvia given that you love him and it pains me to see you like this and experience such without a clue"

As she rants on I shook my head like it was too much to bear, she knew too, EVERYONE knew and I was kept in the dark, I wasn't prepared for this.

"I can-" my voice was broken at this point and shaky like I was being pierced from the inside out.

"Sylvia you must understand this isn't about marriage, it's about bringing peace" she began, her voice firm.

My teary gaze met hers, her eyes pleading with me to listen, but what more than the same thing.

"This land has suffered in the means of war, we may have won it years ago but the scars are left, no one wants to go through that again, we all knew Emperor Edric sorted peace, but we never had an ounce of an idea it was marriage, there were talks but that was but rumors, Sylvia"

"It's not a rumor anymore Mother..." I sobbed, more tears leaking. "It's real and feels like..." I couldn't explain it, this pain was too much.

"I'm so sorry Sylvia", she held my hand tightly like it was the last thing in the world, she was trying to bring me comfort but comfort was far too gone at this point for me

"Princess Alice Alexander becoming Empress is the only way, I'm so sorry"

I gulped taking it all in, it was all but politics, land, laws, and duties, what about my feelings? I removed my hand from her, not saying a word but the weight of my tears and pain remained, as my breath remained shaky, my body cold and stiff.

"Sylvia" Mother said with pleading eyes, she was sad for me I could tell, but she couldn't feel my pain, she wanted to ease it, but she can't, she wanted to tell me it was all okay, but it wasn't.

"I need to be alone", those were my words as I turned to stride away. "Sylvia" she called but I didn't turn, everyone wanted me to accept this, my opinion didn't matter because the deed had already been done, it never mattered since the beginning.

I continued sauntering through the halls like I knew where I was going, I saw the curtains dance at a particular area, where the wind was strongest, I needed air, fresh air, I needed to clear my head and forget for a moment this wasn't happening. I stride there to the balcony, exactly an open space I needed, the view of the Empire to explore but I wasn't in the mood to do so or look at anything at all. I needed the silence, the sounds of my cries and sobs the only thing I could hear.

The air was chilly as the wind gushed around, my scarf served as a blanket to me but not enough to shelter me from the cold, my body felt like ice but I didn't care about that but the aching feeling that refused to stop nor the tears.

I rubbed my arms, my lips quivering, I will catch a cold at this point but I do not care, I do not care about anything more, nothing I have wished for has ever come through since the moment I stepped foot in this Empire, nothing.

I suddenly felt something warm cover me, I flinched at the new feeling, it wasn't just warmth, it was a jacket that covered me from behind, a peculiar fresh scent found my nose and I was instantly reminded with all the memory and feelings, the comforts I found by the scent and ways my body reacted to it, it was Cedric, he had come behind me without my realization, I didn't even hear his footsteps approach.

I didn't turn nor move, I remained still, my orbs on the night lights of the Empire, I felt his hands still against my arms, holding his jacket firm against my body. He didn't say a word, he remained still just like I was.

I didn't want to speak nor say anything to him, there was nothing for him to talk about, he should have just left me alone to be miserable, he should have been there with the rest of the world and his new bride.

"They are waiting for you" it came as a whisper, he should just go or disappear. I didn't care. "You shouldn't keep your bride waiting... LORD Cedric"

"Sylvia", at his raucous voice my body stutter, why does it always make me feel this way, why does he still make me feel this way, I didn't want to, I didn't want it, my eyes were teary, I couldn't even see anymore at this point, I sobbed.

"You're gonna marry her?" as if it wasn't already decided, like I needed some kind of explanation but I wanted to hear from him.

"Yes". So quick in his words, so quick to decide, without an ounce of hesitation, he wanted to marry her, gods the pain.

"I don't have a choice"

I moved away from him, away from his Jacket away from his hold, I faced him with furious eyes, his looks were dull, his eyes were blank, his looks were blank and he looked empty, not an ounce of emotion, I scoffed.

"Well congratulations Husband, on your new wife," I said with disdain filling my tone, I didn't want to speak that way but I couldn't help it, I was angry.

His thick eyebrow furrowed, he remained still.

"This is why you told me to trust you? Why did you caress me like I was the only woman in the world, you said I'm yours"

"You're mine..." his jaw tightened. "... Sylvia, you will always be".

I shook my head, I didn't believe his words, I didn't believe it anymore.

"No..." I said in a firm tone. "I'm no longer yours, not any more or ever", I saw something spark in his eyes like a spark or a snap I didn't know and I didn't care. His lips moved to speak but I won't let him.

"What are you gonna say? Trust you? It's gonna be alright? I have heard enough of that!" I snapped. "In all this, it's still clear what you choose to do without considering my feelings, I don't think you ever have"

"Sylvia" he took a step. "Don't!" I barked and he paused without any movement remaining still. "...come close to me" I warned. "You don't have to" I sobbed.

"You knew something like this would happen and you didn't say a word nor discuss it, you shattered me, Cedric, I never want to feel this way, you made me a fool" I shook my head. "I wish I never came to this f**ked Empire, I should have run away with my papa when I had the chance" I cursed not bothering with the words I said, not bothering if I hurt him, all I could feel was pain and anger.

"Marry her, do it for your Empire and leave me be", those were my words as I walked past him, I ignored the pain I felt as I strode away, I didn't look back, I didn't have to, this was over the moment he said yes to marrying her.