Chapter 247 - Epiphany

READER SHOUT OUT: Thank you Hillarylzs59, Mary_Cooper, and Nessa52268 for your continued to support for Dane & Lila's story. You humble me!

*****

DANE

Her chin trembled and she stroked his arm. He was breathing hard.

"I don't mean that you say you'll never do anything to protect me, Dane," she said softly. "I'm just asking you to talk to me. To see if we can find a way that doesn't cost you everything. See if we can fix stuff together, instead of it always being just you."

Dane was blown away. He'd never thought about it this way before. "I… I don't know, Lila. I don't know if I know how to live that way. But I'm willing to try. I love you." He met her eyes and she was crying, but she was also, finally smiling. "I promise you, Lila. I promise if I understand that that's happening, I'll do it. Or won't do it. But you have to promise me something, too."

"What?"

"You have to promise me that you won't judge me by your dad, or my dad, or anyone else. That you'll take me as I am. Because I love you, Lila, and that means I'm going to give up for you sometimes. And I need you to understand when I do that its because I love you."

Her lip trembled. "I do, Dane. I do. I promise." She touched his face for the first time and he shivered. "Just believe me when I tell you, you're valuable, Dane. You're enough. I told you that months ago, and it's still true. I love you for who you are, not for the sacrifices you make. You don't see your own value. You think you deserve to be hurt and others don't. And it's not true. You're not a monster. You're not sick."

"You just watched what my life was like and the things that I did, and it made you sick," he said flatly.

"Yeah, but I was sick because I knew it wasn't in you to do those things. That you were being destroyed by it, and you thought you should be. That's the whole point: Good men are destroyed by darkness. Bad men revel in it. That's why your father was never destroyed by it, because he always enjoyed the darkness. You were destroyed by it because it isn't in you. It's not what you need"

He licked his lips and her eyes dropped, but then jerked back up to his. A tiny trill started in his stomach, but he didn't let himself hope.

"I don't know if I know how to do this, Lila," he said. "I'm willing to try. I really am. But… what you're describing… I mean, what do I have to do to prove to you that I'm not just going dark? Do I have to walk into the Police station and hand myself in? Do I not try to fight those charges?"

"No! That's not what I meant. My father was fucked up, Dane. He wasn't like you. He was an actual criminal. I just meant… this isn't about paying for some old wrong. It isn't about you deserving to be unhappy or hurt. It's about who you are. It's the way you look at the world. It's about seeing your own wellbeing as part of mine. It's about choosing how you look at the world." She leaned in, breathless, passionate, and he could feel her, desperate to save him from what she had decided were his demons.

"So, what will it take?" he asked quietly. A strand of her hair had fallen forward and he took a shaking hand to push it back, behind her ear. Her eyes widened. "What will it take for me to get you back, Lila?"

"Dane, you never lost me."

His heart leapt, but he didn't allow himself the hope yet. He snorted. "Do I need to replay the conversation we had when you first arrived? Because I'm pretty sure I can remember it, word for word—starting with, 'Dane, what the fuck?'"

"I was upset. And surprised. And… I wasn't prepared for any of this Dane."

"Yeah, we should start a club. We could charge membership."

She smiled then and it was like the sun came out. He knew his face fell, that he looked desperate and pitiful as he breathed her name, but he couldn't help it. He was desperate for her.

"You just have to promise me one more thing, Dane," she said, her voice dropping as her breathing picked up.

"What's that?" he asked, staring at her lips.

She swallowed. "You have to promise you won't just make the decisions for both of us. That if something goes wrong, you won't just sacrifice yourself without talking to me first."

"Done." His breathing was getting shallower.

"Dane, I'm serious."

"So am I. Serious as a heart attack."

"What about your Dad?"

"My father is dead. Any argument about him is a moot point."

Her lips thinned. "Chris? That whole…. Crowd?"

"Chris isn't one of them, not really."

Lila's brows pinched. "You trust him?"

Dane frowned. "We had a plan. But… he went further than I wanted him to. In the end, he was right, though, it worked. Because he was behind their walls already… he was able to help better than he would have otherwise. I can't fault him on it."

"Do you trust him?"

Dane hesitates. "I do. I just… I don't know what else he'll do. I know he'll always help me. But the methods he uses… I don't trust that."

They both sat there, staring at each other, uncertain how to move forward. Then Dane took hold of his courage, licked his lips and internally cheered when her eyes dropped to watch the movement again. "Lila, why are we talking about my brother, or my dad? They aren't important now. What's important is us. What we have, and what we want. I know this has been horrific. I wish it hadn't—it's exactly what I was afraid of. But I meant what I said you have me, heart and soul. I don't want anyone else. Ever. I love you, Lila. So much, I feelts like that word doesn't even do it justice. The question is, do you still love me?"

Her eyes shone with tears that spilled over as he spoke, but when he stopped and waited, she finally broke a true smile, a beaming smile. "Yes, Dane, I still love you."

"Really?"

"Really?"

"Even after all this shit?"

"Even after all of this."

"Thank you, God," he groaned and pulled her into his arms.