Chapter 171 - What Will Be

Lila

Dane shook in her arms once, and she thought it was just the last of his orgasm pulsing in his muscles. But then he sucked in a deep breath and shook again, and Lila realized he was crying.

Dane was crying.

Not the shining eyes, or single tears of his fear and frustration when they'd been parted at the apartment. Dane was weeping in her arms like a child, his entire body shaken by the sobs. And even though she didn't know why, she… knew. She understood. 

Ignoring the pain in her side, she wrapped her arms around his head, his face still buried in her neck. She wrapped the part of him she could reach as close to her as she could manage, and lay her check on his hair, whispering love to him.

There was no need for more. Her own tears spilled over seconds later, but she bit them back, because he needed her and for once, she would be the strong one. The protector. It wasn't fair that he was always the one looking after others. She wanted to be the one to prop him up this time.

She couldn't stop what was coming, she knew that. He knew that. That's why he was crying. But she could stop him from being alone in this moment right now. She could stop him being alone for every moment they had until they were torn apart. She didn't deny, even to herself, that that was coming. He'd already explained enough that she knew it was only a matter of time. 

Pinned between his thighs and his chest, wrapped up in each other, still together in the deepest way, Lila held onto him, clinging, until they touched everywhere, and heedless of anyone listening, she whispered to him everything that was true. How she loved him, adored him. How that would never stop. No matter what. How he was a good man that she admired and if they were broken apart, she'd never stop believing that. 

"We have to… we can't…" he croaked.

She shushed him. "I know. I know. You're right. You're right, Dane. There is no other way."

***** 

Dane

He spent several minutes in the tiny bathroom in the corner—really just a small closet with a toilet and tiny sink shoved into it—trying to bring himself under control without going numb. His hate for his father was overwhelming. His rage threatened to eat him alive. And his despair… his despair followed him like a man holding a noose. 

He reminded himself he had a plan. That there was the slimmest of chances this wouldn't end the way he feared but… Dane was nothing if not a realist. And past experience demonstrated that his father always won in the end. One way or another. 

Dane had to stop trying to fight this, and let it happen. Had to try to enjoy these last hours with Lila in whatever way they could.

Making love to her, touching her, being that close, that together… it was torture. Pleasure so pure and undiluted that it hurt. Holding her, knowing he might never do it again, it made his skin scream. 

But she was in an even more precarious position than him. Her life hung in the balance. If he didn't give his father what he wanted, it would come at the cost of Lila. Dane knew that like he knew his own name. There were no choices here. Only hopes. 

And hope was hellish.

His father had said he wanted to remove his hope. In that moment, Dane hoped that he could, because this tiny, shimmering light on the horizon, the piece of him that yearned and ached and strove to see a future… that part was going to kill him. It would be a mercy if his father could remove it.

Dane huffed at his own dark thoughts, splashed more water on his face, then walked back into the room.

Lila was curled on her side, facing the window. Her face was pale. She was hurting he knew. He'd forgotten about her rib in the frenzy of his need for her, and he'd hurt her. He deserved his father's hands at his throat. Clawing a hand through his hair, he slid into the blankets behind her. 

The light was beginning to fade outside. If the window even showed outside. Dane had a feeling it didn't, though he hadn't seen the outside of the building to know for sure where it lay. 

Sliding one arm under her head, and resting the other over her he pulled her back into his chest. She shifted a little to get comfortable with that sore rib, her breath coming through her teeth. 

"I'm so sorry I hurt you," he murmured into her ear. 

She shook her head. "You made me feel wonderful," she said weakly. "I'm just a baby when it comes to pain. Don't worry about it." But she kept her arm tucked in tight, he noticed, and she wasn't moving when she didn't have to. He sighed heavily.

Neither of them spoke for a while. When his own eyes began to drag and she seemed to breath easier, he opened her hand and wrote on her palm with a finger. SLEEP. NEEDED. 

She shook her head, but he squeezed her hand, then wrote. WE BOTH NEED. 2 HOURS.

"How would you even know?" 

JUST TRY.

She sighed, but didn't argue anymore. He waited and as the light dimmed and dimmed, he thought that she finally dozed off. That was good. They both needed to rest. One of his father's key tools was sleep deprivation. It made people weaker, more easily influenced. 

So, even though he couldn't stand the thought of losing time with her, he forced himself to close his eyes and breath slowly and evenly and try to get himself some rest too. Who knew what the coming hours would bring?

***** 

They were woken by the knock of the door. Lila tensed, and Dane stroked her arm, not rolling over and not letting her turn either. "Don't give him the satisfaction," he breathed in her ear as the door opened behind them. She was rigid with fear and Dane's teeth ground as his father's dropped into the silence. 

"Don't mind me, I just thought you both might want some dinner."

Dane frowned. He was hungry. Famished. He hadn't eaten since the night before. But he knew his father's tendency to drug or lace food. 

"You don't move," he whispered to Lila, and sat up, grieving the loss of her warmth as he turned to face his father. 

His father who peered at them, a delighted light in his eyes that made Dane's stomach sink.

"Thank you," he said, "But we're tired. Maybe later."

His father shrugged. "Suit yourself. I'll leave it here. But you can relax, Dane, things are running smoothly, but not quickly. You've got at least until tomorrow."

Lila turned her head. "What's he talking about?"

Dane shot her a look, then turned back to his father. He didn't speak, just let himself meet his father's eyes and let his father see his resolve.

His father smiled and nodded. "Very good, son. Well done. You've grown a lot. I guess I'll see you tomorrow." Then with a glance at Lila that made Dane want to throw himself over the top of her so his father couldn't even see her, he left.