Chapter 169 - The Bruises You Can't See

Dane

It was so much harder to hold her and comfort her than Dane thought it would be. Not because he didn't want to—he wanted to be there desperately. Couldn't get enough of seeing her, touching her, couldn't get close enough. But every second with her pulled at him, screamed in his mind that it could be the last.

His mind wanted to shut down. Go cold. And he refused to let it. He knew he had to stay there with her. Present. Feeling. He was certain of it. He wanted to. It was just so much more painful than he ever imagined. He felt the time slipping between them like water between his fingers—no matter how he tried to hold on, it continue to drain away.

And he finally understood what his father's goal had been: He wanted Dane shut down. He wanted Dane torn in half and tormented. And probably, Lila too. Her response to seeing him had been so confusing, so terrifying, for a minute he thought he thought his father had already broken her mind. She'd struggled so hard to believe it was really him. 

"What did he do?" Dane whispered. "Why didn't you believe it was me when I came in?" he asked into her hair.

Lila sighed. "He's… He looks so much like you. When I looked through the peephole at the apartment I thought it was you, and it was such a shock when I opened the door and realized it was him. And then every time he'd come in here, or he'd speak when I wasn't looking at him… you really are the spitting image of him, Dane. And he sounds like you—he just uses different words. When he'd come in and I'd been sleeping, I kept thinking you'd shown up. And I dreamed… I dreamed that you came and it was…" her breath caught and she clung to him. Dane's heart broke. "I thought that you were here and it wasn't… it didn't go well. And it scared me so badly. But I wanted you so badly. So badly, Dane. I thought… I thought maybe I'd lost my mind and made you up. Or maybe he was tricking me."

"That is the kind of thing he'd do," Dane muttered, twining their fingers.

"I'm just so glad. Even though I know he's going to do something. I'm so glad you're here," she said. She leaned into his neck and kissed it. "So glad."

He wrapped his arms all the way around her and pulled her in, felt her flinch and gasp and he froze. "I'm so sorry… I didn't mean to hurt you."

"It's fine, don't worry about it. I want to be close to you, Dane."

"Let me check that rib," he said, pulling the blankets up so he could look underneath them. Ignoring the pale nakedness of her and the effect it had on him. 

She pushed him back, though and shook her head. "It's just a bruised rib, Dane. Don't worry about it. I don't want to focus on that now." But her breath was shallow. Dane stroked her hair and stared into her eyes. He could see pain there, but also love and hope. He didn't know which to deal with first. 

"I need to be so careful with you," he said softly. "I'm sorry, I forgot."

"Don't apologize. Just kiss me," she said and pulled him down. "Be with me, Dane. I need you."

She kissed him, long and deep and Dane's body responded. He never would have thought… not here… but having her close and warm and pressing into him, kissing him… as their tongues slid, and her hands traced his chest, and ran through his hair, her breathing got heavier, and Dane responded. The truth was, he was desperate for her. But he'd never have expected… not here…

"Dane, I love you so much," she breathed against his jaw. 

He closed his eyes and pulled her closer, careful of her sore side. "I love you, Lila," he murmured, to tell with his Dad's recording. He could just fucking accept that what they had was real.

Dane propped up on one elbow to lean over her, gain access to her under the blanket that he wouldn't allow to drop, just in case he'd missed a camera. 

But every time they moved or rolled on this bed, the base creaked. And Dane refused to give his father, or any of his father's men, a perverted thrill. So as he touched her and she arched into him, and the kiss deepened, he pulled away slowly. 

Her eyes opened, a little V of concern between them, but he just held up a finger, then looked around. He slid out from under the blankets and got onto the floor next to the bed, sitting against the wall. Then he met her eyes and waited.

Her eyes were heavy, her heart thumping as she scooted off the bed—that rib obviously still hurting her—and brought a blanket with her as she braced on his shoulders to lower herself into his lap. He sprung up under her and their eyes caught. "Are you sure?" he whispered. He took her hand in his and wrote SILENT. She bit her lip and nodded, then laced her hands behind his neck and kissed him, long and slow. 

There was a moment, when he'd accepted that this was going to happen—recognized how much he wanted it, that his father's face, smiling gleefully, crept into his thoughts and Dane had to drop his head back against the wall and focus. 

For a minute, as Lila kissed her love into his neck and stroked his shoulders, all he could see was his own father, watching, salivating, and he had to stop her, hold her hands for a second, meet her eyes. 

He'd told her to be silent, so she just frowned her question, her breath coming in short pants. 

He looked into her eyes and grounded himself there. Put his hands to her face and held her in front of him. 

She lifted her hands to his and the question on her face got stronger. 

"I love you, Lila," he breathed again. "More than anything. More than anyone."

"I love you," she said, her fingers sliding between his. "Are you okay?"

I will be, he thought. I can do this. I have to do this, he told himself. It's the only way. 

All thoughts of his father melted away and he pulled her into a searing kiss. 

She came willingly.