Chapter 79 - Cold Dead Hands

Dane

It sounded so cold when he said it. So…evil.

Lila visibly paled. Her mouth fell open, and for the first time since they'd met, he saw true fear in her eyes. Dane leaned back and let go of her hands. He'd misjudged this completely. He should never have said it. Now she was afraid of him!

"Please," she whispered, swallowing as her voice broke. "Please promise me you'll never…Dane, it will only hurt you."

He flapped a hand and made a face, tried to brush it off. "I didn't mean I'd kill him, Lila, I just meant—"

"No. Don't. I know exactly what you meant. Look at me, Dane."

He was still leaned right back in his chair. But she'd hunched forward over the table, heedless of the dirty plate in front of her. He forced himself to meet her eyes, bracing for the fear in them. But instead, it was sadness. Why?

"I'll tell you what I see when I think about your past, and your future," she said quietly, her voice cracking. "I see that, no matter what kind of monster your father is, you wouldn't be who you are without him. That if he hadn't been in your life, I would have met someone else when I arrived here. And I don't think I could have loved that man, because I would have been looking for you."

Dane blinked.

"When I think about the future, yeah, it scares me." She squeezed her eyes shut for a second. "But nothing scares me more than thinking that you might…that you might do something…that he might drive you to try something…like that."

"Lila, you don't need to fear me. I'd never hurt you," he insisted.

She shook her head and opened her eyes. "I don't think you'll hurt me. I'm afraid you'll hurt yourself in a way that you could never heal. Can't you see? If you crossed that bridge… instead of us being together—and even if we're fighting against him, we're still together, Dane—I'd end up without you. Killing him would kill something in you. I know it." She stared at him, that fear written all over her face, along with the tears making silver lines along her lashes. "Please, Dane. I couldn't lose you that way. Please, don't ever—don't even consider it!"

"But if it was the only way for us to be free—?"

"There would not be freedom in that," she spat, "trust me. You aren't the only one with a messed up father, and a horrible childhood. Promise me, Dane. Promise me you'll never try to….remove him."

They stared at each other. Seeing the pain and fear on her face, and the fierce determination, woke up in Dane the understanding that he'd never followed the rabbit trails she'd laid, the hints about her own childhood. He'd been such a selfish ass! He needed to give her time to talk about the demons that haunted her…but he couldn't do that now, while she stared at him that way. Right now he needed to reassure her so she'd stop looking at him like he was already gone. But could he do it? Could he promise that?

"Dane, please."

He got up from his seat and circled the table, reaching a hand for her and drawing her to stand up too. Then he wrapped her arms around his waist, and used his fingers to comb her hair back. Even though she came close to him willingly, she didn't speak, and her plea was written all over her face.

"I can promise you this," he said huskily. "I will never go looking for him. I'll never set out to kill him in cold blood."

She sagged against him and dropped her head to his chest. But he tipped her chin up so she'd see the resolve in him. "But if he ever touches you…Lila, he will have to kill me then. If he hurts you, I won't stop hunting him until he's dead. Or I am."

They stood there holding each other for a long time.

Dane's resolve didn't waver.

*****

Lila

She clung to him. Couldn't let go. He was so strong. So determined. And so certain his father was going to devastate them both… it was like no matter what they did, they always walked under this cloud.

But she'd seen what killing people did to a man. And she knew that wasn't in Dane—not yet. She'd known it from the first moment. It was why she hadn't believed him when he'd called himself a murderer.

Whether he realized it or not, there was a huge difference between your decisions impacting someone else's so they died, and pulling a trigger.

The difference was a canyon. And she knew what it did to a man. She refused to watch him go there, no matter how bad things got.

But as they hugged and she found control of her tears, she also realized that standing there, thinking about it, wasn't doing either of them any good.

So she took one, final deep breath and pulled away. "I wonder if we'll ever have a day that isn't full of discussions about death," she said dryly, wiping her eyes.

"Unlikely," Dane replied. "It's kind of what I do."

Lila sighed. "Well, I don't want to think about it anymore today. I'm calling today a death free day! I say we do our best to ignore death, or anyone who might cause death, for at least the next twenty-four hours. You said you thought about what it would be like to have a normal relationship, well, while we're here, we can."

Dan gave her a skeptical smile. "What does that mean?"

"That means, it's time for you to understand what normal people in normal relationships do. At least, some of the time." Taking his hand she tugged him over to the couch, then shoved him so he sat. Casting around, she found a basket full of blankets in the corner by the fire and pulled one out to throw over his lap.

"Um, I'm not really cold."

"Hush," she sniffed. "This is about bonding."

Dane frowned. "You want me to bond with a blanket?"

"No," she growled, heading for the kitchen. "You and I are going to bond under the blanket just as soon as I get the other normal things normal people eat while they bond."

"Well, okay," Dane grinned and shrugged. "Bond away."

****

If you're enjoying this book you might also like my fantasy romance, FALLING IN LOVE WITH THE KING OF BEASTS:

Elia is transmigrated to Anima, where humans have the blood and senses of animals. She's forced to mate Reth, the King of Beasts, but they soon fall in love. Together, they must fight for the Kingdom—and their lives—against the villainous wolf-tribe.