Chapter 58 - The V Word

Lila

Dane's entire body went still. Too still. Rigid. And not in the good way.

For a second she thought maybe he was trying to get control of himself, but when she opened her eyes, he was staring at her, his green eyes wide under the flutter of his hair that she'd ruffled in every direction. And his fingers had closed on hers to keep her one hand pinned, flat on the bed, next to the pillow.

"What do you mean, you've never done this with anyone else?" he said at a normal volume, though his voice was rough with desire.

Lila blushed and looked away, but it was hard with him so close and their bodies pressed to each other.

"Lila?" His voice was gentle, but firm. "Tell me."

"I'm…" She closed her eyes and let her head drop back, but this time out of embarrassment. "I'm a virgin," she muttered. Then peeked one eye open just far enough to see his face through her lashes.

Her stomach dropped.

He looked like he was in shock. She felt him lean back, away from her.

This was exactly what she'd been afraid of. She hadn't planned to tell him—had thought he'd figure that part out when it was too late to do anything about it. But now she was half-dressed, her heart thudding in her skin from her scalp to her toes, and he was staring at her…in horror?

Oh, shit. Was he—

"Why didn't you tell me?" he whispered and leapt off her so fast the bed wobbled when he was gone.

Cheeks hot and heart ready to burst, Lila pushed herself up on her elbows and tried to look at him like it was no big deal. Like he hadn't just rolled off of her. He stood next to the bed, his jeans open and framing his very obvious desire. No shirt. She wanted to lick her way up his abs. But he stared at her like she'd tricked him.

Did he have some weird rule about virgins, or something?

"I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to look at me like that," she snapped. Pushing herself up to sit, she hugged herself, tried to cover her breasts as best she could, even though her bra was still on. His eyes on her suddenly didn't feel so good. "Look, I know I'm a freak, okay? I don't need you judging me—"

"Judging?"

"—but not all of us grew up looking like models. Some of us…bloom later than others." She looked down at herself, cheeks aflame, and for the first time, wished she hadn't followed him up here.

"You're serious?" he said and sounded like he was aghast.

"Sorry if it ruins your night, but yes, I'm serious," she mumbled. Casting around, she saw her sweater on the floor next to him, so scooted off the bed to drop down and pick it up. He just watched her.

"Ruins my—? Lila, what are you talking about?"

She pulled the sweater over her head and buttoned up her jeans. Was embarrassed to realize she still had her shoes on, so just looked around to figure out how to get out of there. "Look, I get it okay? I know I'm weird. And really late to start this kind of thing. I'm not a saint. I've been with my boyfriends some. Just not…all the way. And that's okay. I never wanted to before. So excuse me for waiting until I found someone who lit my fire!"

Their eyes locked—hers angry, she knew. His wide with shock. But at those words his chin dropped and she saw the spark in them. Thank the Lord. If he wasn't attracted to her anymore because of this she would have been heart broken.

"You're serious," he said.

"Yes." She tried to step around him, but he just shifted into her way, looming over her. "Dane, don't be an asshole. I'm embarrassed enough, okay?"

"What are you embarrassed about?" One hand came up to push her hair back off her face, the other slid back to her waist. But she twisted out of his grip.

"This!" she said, flapping a hand between them. "A second ago you were about to pound me, and I was excited about it. And now…now you're staring at me. Like that." She glared at him.

"This isn't bad staring, Lila. I mean, I'm surprised, sure. But… fuck I can't believe you were going to… do that. Without saying anything. With me!"

"Yes, with you. Who else? No one's ever made me want it before."

His eyes got wide again. "And I do?"

"Are you joking right now? Are you just trying to embarrass me?"

"No, no, babe, no." He closed in on her, pulled her into his chest. "I just can't believe you want to…I mean—"

"I'm an adult, Dane. Just like you. Don't overthink this." She brought that finger up under his nose again, but he just smiled and took her hand, kissing her palm.

"Oh, I'm overthinking alright," he said, the warmth in his eyes sending thrills down her spine. "I'm thinking about all the ways I'm glad that I've got this chance to blow your mind and make sure you're ruined for anyone else."

She snorted. "You're a little full of yourself, don't you think?" she asked dryly, but in truth, she already had goosebumps up her side and on her scalp from the way his lips felt just on her hand! If he kissed her anywhere daring she was going to go up in flames.

But Dane just stepped into her and cupped her face again, then kissed her long, and slow. So slowly, in fact, that she started to wonder if they were just starting again. If he'd gotten over his little freak out and might make good on that promise to blow her mind.

But then he pulled away enough to whisper, "Give me a little time, and I'll make sure you never want to go anywhere else."

She whimpered at the loss of his lips and tried to pull him back down, but he resisted. His eyes warm and twinkling, but that heat, that rush was gone. But she was on fire now!

"Dane, please don't stop because of that," she whispered. Pleaded, really. Her cheeks were heating up again. "Please."

"Not forever," he whispered, then kissed her temple. "But I want to do this right. It's a time you'll remember for the rest of your life, Lila. Let me make it worth the memory. Let me make it something special. For you. For us. I want it to be a day you'll never forget."

Lila sighed and shook her head at his smile. Let her forehead drop to his collarbone, and muttered under her breath. "Too late."

Dane chuckled, and she heard it in his chest and it was such a gorgeous sound, it just made her groan in frustration.