Chapter 52 - The Double Edged Sword

Dane

Lila went still under his arm and he turned to watch her face.

"What do you mean, date other people?" she asked quietly. Too quietly.

He didn't look away. "I mean that as part of my normal life, whenever there's an event or a function that a lot of my clients attend, or somewhere I'm invited by an important partner, I go. And I always take a woman. And I couldn't take you, because I've never taken anyone from the business before.

"I also mean that in the past, every few months or so, I'd find someone to spend some…time with. Nothing serious just…"

"Hooking up," she said darkly.

He nodded. "I wouldn't do anything with anyone, obviously. And I could do that less and less. But if I just suddenly stopped looking for the attention of women, they would notice. And they'd dig to find out why."

"So, what does this "normal" dating look like when we're together?" She sat up, turning to face him. She was hugging her knees again. Dane's chest went cold.

"For an event, I'd take a car to pick a woman up, we'd travel together, walk the red carpet together, attend the event and be seen. And then…well, I'd take her home."

"Take her home."

"Yes."

"How many people did you take home in a year, Dane?" Her voice was hollow. He thought she'd misunderstood. He leaned down until she met his eyes.

"You understand that I wouldn't lay a hand on anyone but you now, right?"

She nodded, though she didn't look confident. "But you said this is like a routine for you?"

He nodded. "I was very intentional about it, because I wanted anyone who was watching to see that I was never with the same person. Every couple months if there wasn't a public event, I'd take a woman out. Rarely more than once."

She was shifting, taking her eyes away from his. What was making her so uncomfortable?

"Does it bother you that I've had many partners?" he asked, barely more than a whisper. It had never occurred to him that he'd get close enough to someone that they might care.

"Of course not," she said, but she didn't meet his eyes. "It just makes me think about…about us."

"How?"

"Because I haven't," she said, then set her jaw.

"I don't care if you haven't slept with a lot of people," he smiled. Was that what she was worried about? Frankly, he liked the idea. More room for teaching.

She rolled her eyes. "I know, but—"

"Lila," he let his voice drop, his hand sliding up to cup her calf. "If we do this I won't have eyes for anyone but you. No matter what I'm seen to do in public, or who I'm seen with."

She snorted.

"I'm serious." His smile dropped off. "Do you realize I haven't even entertained the idea of a real relationship for the past five years, yet here I am being driven so crazy I can't stay away from you even when the risk is undeniable? Do you have any idea how scared it makes me—"

"Don't think about it," she rushed in, still trying to keep him away from those thoughts that drove him away from her. He shook his head. She'd have to learn that when he made a decision like this, he didn't go back. He'd been so uncertain, he'd swung back and forth. It hadn't been fair on her. But now…now he was decided. If she'd take him, if she understood the risk, he wasn't going anywhere. He belonged to her.

"Don't worry," he said, touching her face. "I'm not going anywhere. But this is my point. What we'd have to do to keep you safe…it isn't pretty."

"I'd have to watch you be with other women?"

"Not really. Not actually. But have other women at my side in public, yes. Definitely. Only public events, or work occasions where a date would be normal." He'd hire someone, just to keep the hounds off the scent. "It's all about appearances," he explained. "If I'm out in public, if I'm still dating, then I don't have a girlfriend that they need to look for, right?"

She nodded. "So, if you're out with other people after work. And we can't touch each other at work, if we have to hide everything…how would we ever be together?"

He looks around at her apartment. "Here in the building, mostly," he said quietly. "I do have a couple creative ideas that I can work on. But usually? Usually we'd be here or in my Penthouse. And obviously we have to do things at work together sometimes. There are some meetings that would be appropriate to keep private." His eyes cut up to meet hers and wondered if her mind went back to that morning in his office, too.

"Management meetings?" she grinned. Their eyes meet and they were both twinkling.

"We just have to do it in ways that don't look suspicious. And I just have to keep giving all the right signals everywhere else."

"You do."

"Yes," he signed.

Lila got thoughtful. "Well, wouldn't it be important for me to give all the right signals, too?"

He frowned. "Yes, of course." Hadn't he already covered that?

"So I should date too, then?"

Dane stiffened.

"Because," she went on, "I don't date a lot, either. But if they look into my life, they're going to see the odd date. Dinner out, maybe a movie. I had one boyfriend—" she cut off and changed track. "So, I should figure out what my normal timeframes were, right? Make sure that I'm setting stuff up sometimes?"

"Yes," he said bluntly. He wasn't smiling anymore.

She sat up and turned to face him. "And the thing is, I'm a pretty affectionate person," his eyes sparked at that and she fought a smile. "So it would be normal for me to hold hands and hug and that kind of thing. So would I need to keep doing that?"

"Probably," he said through his teeth.

She nodded like she was making a mental note. "Okay. And what about kissing? Because I like guys that are kind of old-fashioned. You know, open doors for you, kiss you on the doorstep when they drop you off. Would I need to do that too? I wouldn't want to," she said hurriedly as his jaw tensed, "But I'm just wondering how far does the "normal" thing go? Do I kiss guys? Do you drive women home and go into their houses?" She wasn't quite successful keeping the tension out of her voice in that last statement and he noticed. "Because I'm thinking, what about the other people? We can't tell them right?"

"No."

"So, what if a guy tries to kiss me? Or what if a woman assumes you're coming home with her—or she kisses you in front of cameras? Because they'd be watching of course. Would you say no even though it would be weird? Should I?"

Dane dropped his head into his hands and scrubbed his face, his teeth gritted in fear.

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