Chapter 41 - Use The Damned Car

Lila

The tears blurred her vision as she reached her office door, but she swallowed them back and breathed as deeply as she could. She would not let him do this to her. Wouldn't fall apart just because he'd kissed her and she'd thought…

He was afraid. That was all. This was all new. For both of them. He just didn't realize how much of a closed book he became when he was tense like that. She'd ask him for a signal, or something. Some way to know the difference between when he was truly angry and when he was "being normal."

But her nerves shrilled, shrieked at her that he'd gotten cold feet. Changed his mind as soon as he broke out of the lust. That he could have reassured her with a look or a private word, but he didn't.

Deep breaths.

Lila gathered her purse and the box of birthday cake she'd decided to take home since no one had had a chance to eat any, and it was from her favorite bakery. Then she locked her office and left, refusing to so much as look at his office door.

As she passed the reception desk she hit the pager they had for the car service there. But instead of the light turning green, it turned red and flashed "Assigned." That was good. It meant Dane had already made sure the car was given to her trip. She had that to cling to, at least.

She took the elevator to the parking level where the car had dropped them off, and stepped out, expecting it to still be there. But it wasn't. The space assigned to it was empty. Perhaps it had been out on a call and was just coming back for her.

But no, it had to have brought Chris back just a few minutes ago. And he'd told her to take it home, so he'd thought it was here.

Perhaps the driver was using the bathroom or…something.

With a sigh she stood there, next to the empty space, feeling awkward and lonely and sad. Her mind kept flashing back to Dane's kisses, his hands, the sounds he'd made…and then to his cold face. The way he'd ignored her. The complete lack of reaction when she'd said the safe word.

Twenty minutes she stood there, becoming more and more fragile, before she gave up. If she didn't do something she was going to dissolve into a puddle of tears. The car wasn't coming. Something was wrong. But she wasn't going to go up and tell Dane that and give him another chance to shun her. If she'd walked she'd already be home by now. With a frustrated sigh she stormed down the stairs rather than waiting for the elevator to the main exit. She could be down four flights of stairs and out onto the street before the thing even showed up.

She was walking down the road and feeling ridiculous because all of Dane's talk of his father and the danger had her checking the sidewalk behind her. In broad daylight. On a Sunday. She'd walked a full block before it occurred to her that only Dane had the systems to assign a car from his office. That if the car had been left by Chris, the only person who could have assigned it elsewhere was Dane.

That maybe he'd done it on purpose. Maybe that was the point.

Because wasn't that what she'd joked about in the car on the way? He was a good man. She'd said she knew it, because she did things like back-up cars even for unwanted staff members.

He'd known she was leaving.

He'd heard Chris tell her to take the car.

It wasn't an oversight. It was a message. She'd wondered why he couldn't have given her some kind of reassurance—a message—even without Chris noticing. But that's exactly what he'd done.

Was he now ashamed of kissing her? Was that it? Should she ask Chris if he'd said anything? No. Something told her that was the worst thing she could do. Dane was a mystery she needed to work out herself.

Or, perhaps, there was no mystery after all.

She picked up her pace, her heels clicking on the sidewalk, ignoring the appreciative gaze of a man leaving a coffeeshop as she passed. She blinked away tears and swallowed and kept herself together. Because she was starting to see clearly.

Dane was miserable, yes. Blaming himself for things, absolutely. But it wasn't noble. It wasn't a misguided sense of responsibility. Dane wanted to be angry. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to believe his father broke everything and everyone around him—because then he didn't have to see that it was actually his actions that were hurting people.

Lila shook her head. Was it true? Was he that deeply broken? Was that why he retreated so completely every time he'd begun to show emotion?

And even if he did want her, did she want to have to deal with that every time he opened up? The sad truth was that she did. The question was whether she could. Because even though she'd been focused on Dane and what he needed, the truth was, she'd been hurt too. She had a story too. And it was entirely possible that between their respective fathers they'd never be able to be happy together.

Then it hit her…what if he had wanted her until he had a taste of her? Her cheeks bloomed. Lila had dated before, but she'd always been either too uptight, or too busy. She'd never had a serious relationship. She'd only kissed a handful of men. And she and Dane had gone almost as far as she'd ever been in her life today.

She was what her friends at college had laughingly described as a "late bloomer." She was the only twenty-seven year old virgin she knew.

Was it possible she was also a terrible kisser?

Her heart sank, taking the last of her hope with it. It didn't matter why, the end result would be the same: Like a piece of fruit, Dane Daniels had given her a taste and a squeeze and decided he didn't like her flavor.

Two blocks from the apartment building she had a choice. There was a small corner store here, tucked into the alley alongside an expensive lingerie boutique.

She could buy ice cream to go with the disastrous cake, or she could buy something to show Dane what he might miss out on.

She stood there for a full minute before she nodded once and made her choice.