Chapter 19

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Chapter 19

As expected, there were some effects to the apology.

A cold wind blew from Camian. Even so, he was still taking good care of my condition. The puns that came and went as usual just disappeared without a trace, just as the colorful expressions did, which would have been uttered whenever he made fun of me.

With his mouth firmly fixed, he helped me exercise in a very businesslike manner and took care of my diet.

The nagging that used to be a hundred words a day has now decreased to just a handful. This change was due to a change in my attitude rather than Camian getting angry at me and giving up on nagging me.

Having committed the heinous crime of sexual harassment, I had to kneel down in front of Camian and ask for his forgiveness. It’s stupid to arouse his anger by repeating the actions that Camian has pointed out. When eating, the nagging was significantly reduced just by not chewing food properly or not increasing the amount of exercise excessively.

The problem was that there was no conversation at all other than that. I’d rather hear him nag more. Then, naturally, we would share a few more words. I could almost feel recently at the mouth of the man who kept silent the whole time. It was uncomfortable, awkward, and it made me feel guilty… The rough emotions rolled painfully in my chest.

“When are you going?”

I looked at him the whole time, then gathered up the courage to say something.

Getting called around because of the harvest, Camian picked up his cloak as soon as dinner was over.

I hugged my knees on the sofa and put my chin on them. Camian glanced at me and strode towards me with his long legs. His large hand gently pressed my cheek and pressed it to his forehead.

“You have a fever.”

“Huh? I think I’m fine.”

This broken body’s body temperature went up and down repeatedly.

I thought my condition was stable for a while, but it seems to be the beginning again. Still, it was better for the fever to rise than for the body temperature to decrease. When the body temperature drops, my hands and feet become as cold as ice, and even my blood wouldn’t circulate as if my veins had frozen over.

Even though I lay in front of the fireplace and put on several layers of clothes, a chill in my flesh was choking my breath. There’s no other way than to endure the terrible time, trembling with not being able to rest a single finger.

The high fever was relatively better because I was able to pass out at some point after suffering from pain as if all organs were melting.

I rested the back of my hand on the forehead that Camian had touched. I think I may have a little bit of heat.

Camian put down the cloak he had worn and brought a glass bottle of red liquid and a spoon. It was a fever-reducing medicine made by crushing flowers that had a fever-reducing effect. I can’t imagine the sweet taste that medicine had in Korea. The bitter taste and smell of grass was so disgusting that I spit it out the first time I ate it.

I frowned as I watched the red liquid glistening on the spoon.

“Ah.”

Following Camian, I opened my mouth obediently. As soon as the medicine entered my mouth, I closed my nose and swallowed it. To avoid as much bitterness as possible, I should not breathe through my nose for a while.

After I emptied all the water Camian gave, and put the candy in my mouth, I let out the breath I had been holding back.

“Go to bed early today before you get too warm.”

“When are you coming back?”

“After you go to sleep.”

“Do you know when I’ll fall asleep?”

“I don’t think it’s been a minute since I told you to go to bed early.”

“Don’t order me arou…”

I tried to sharply shoot back as usual, but I kept my mouth shut. I’m not in a position to do that yet because I haven’t been able to properly apologize. I bit the inside of my lip and opened my mouth again. And I replied timidly.

“I can’t sleep. I don’t even feel like going to bed early.”

Camian just looked down at me with an unreadable face.

“I’ll be late today.”

After a while, Camian spoke in a slow tone.

“How long?”

I snatched the guy’s words and asked him right away. I could see Camian’s forehead narrowing. I was a little startled by the subtle change in expression.

“If you have something to say, say it now. Don’t wait for me.”

“…So openly…”

“If it’s hard to say it out loud, write a letter and put it on the desk in my room.”

No matter how much I grabbed his c*ck and stroked it, that sharp reaction was a bit excessive. No, I don’t have anything to say, even if he raised his voice while swearing and saying don’t come near me…

Sadness and regret mixed and cluttered my mind. However, the sadness did not have any strength and was quickly pushed into a corner. The guilt that weighed heavily on my heart was too great.

I wiggled my toes on the sofa and sighed deeply. In fact, if I had apologized properly, Camian wouldn’t have been this angry.

“…Sorry.”

“I know.”

Camian answered with a gentle tone. I’ve been staring at him all day, so it’s strange that he wouldn’t notice my feelings. But… Why was he saying this out loud? Normally, when you apologize, shouldn’t you be talking about your position on the apology? Did he think I just said this to let him know I’m sorry?

If he had ignored my apology, I wouldn’t have been as embarrassed as I am now. But instead of arguing, I decided to make a more proper apology.

“I’m sorry for accusing you of stealing. And yes there… Even touching you carelessly. It was a real mistake. I didn’t mean to tease you.”

“Don’t apologize. I’m not doing this because you touched me.”

“Huh?”

Instead of answering, Camian put on his robe and went outside. Left alone, I constantly turned over the words he told me with questions swirling in my mind.

“Then why are you doing this to me?”

After sitting on the sofa and thinking for a while, Camian’s words did not leave my mind even after I was led by Debra’s hand and laid down on the bed.

Then, suddenly, a possibility popped into my head.

“Do you not love me anymore?”

It’s not that he was angry with me, it’s that his heart is cold. If Camian’s reason for taking care of me so businesslike was not out of anger, but because the ‘love’ had left, that would have been a good guess.

It’s bittersweet to see that his heart has changed like flipping the palm of the hand, and his attitude has become so cold that it’s difficult to adapt to.

But it’s not unbearable. Rather, I decided that if his feelings were like this, then it was better. It was supposed to be like this one day, and the time was only pulled earlier by an unexpected accident.

As the puzzle was put together, my mind was organized, so my pace became more comfortable. I pulled the blanket up to my chest and closed my eyes.

However, it seems that what I said to Camian about not wanting to sleep early came true. I couldn’t sleep at all. In the darkened room, my eyes shone brightly.

Even if I rolled over here or there, sleep would not settle down on his eyelids. Was there a problem? Ah, I guess I didn’t exercise much today. So it’s like this: Tomorrow, I’ll try to run far, even if it’s a little too much.

There were not many uphill roads, and I thought of a few places where the ground was soft. And the course was subdivided. Anyway, that is not even halfway to the length Camian carrying me to the academy. When will this frail body become less brittle? Will such a day ever come?

Bad thoughts crept into the night because of the gloom. I took a deep breath and brushed it off. The fact that Camian stopped liking me was already a big deal for me. There’s no reason to dig a hole here with other gloomy thoughts. As if it’s not enough already.

I looked up at the black ceiling and closed my eyes. At this time, the wooden stairs sounded and went up to the second floor, and a sign of presence was heard. Reflexively, my body reacted. I jumped up and went to the door, reaching towards the knob to open it at any moment, but then I drooped.

What am I going to do with Camian now? I had nothing to say. If I had to choose the words, I would say, ‘You worked hard. Sleep well.’ But it was ridiculous to open the door to meet him in the middle of the night just to say that.

As I was about to go back to bed, I heard a knock. I was astonished as if I had seen a ghost. It was extremely rare for Camian to visit my room during the night. Except on days when I’m ill or conscious enough to need care…

“Ah.”

There is one more case.

“Liv.”

A hoarse voice was heard from beyond the door. What to do, what should I do. I turned my head and looked towards the door.

About once or twice a year, Camian knocked on my door in the middle of the night like this. While intoxicated.

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