Chapter 148 - Many Layers Of Truth

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Li Na didn't wait once all the other people like maids and Butler Wu were out of the room and only they were alone. She gave a guarded glance at the sleeping Little Tiger before she steps into the walking-in closet where Lu Jianjun had just come out from the bathroom after freshening up he was ready to go to bed when she appeared before him. 

"What was that all about?" she demanded ferociously from Lu Jianjun.

Lu Jianjun looked up, to witness her dark expression with such tenacity that told him this was not going to end well...if he failed to explain the reason behind his behavior competently. He was confused whether it was about what Guo Jie had told her he remembered Li Na said she was not fine with whatever Guo Jie had told her about the past or it is something about... 

"What?" Currently wiping his dripping hair, Lu Jianjun asked coolly. "What are you talking about?"

Her expression turned darker to see his audacity to lie on her face when he clearly knows where the problem lies. "Would you mind telling me, who am I before telling others?" she rephrased it with rash mockery. This time there was a certain assertion in her questioning. 

The towel on Lu Jianjun's head was about to fall when he stopped and turned to stare at her, visibly thrown by the question. And then, a deja vu like feeling came over as he finds himself trapped again in that zone of no words. He should make some excuse. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it to see her hawk-like eyes narrowed on him.

"Have you intently said that to downgrade my position in Little Tiger's life?" She accused the man openly, aware that it even sounds bizarre to her ears but then he had called her as Little Tiger's caretaker in front of other people without considering her opinion and reputation. Why does she has to low her esteem when she is doing better than what she gets.

"No...definitely not!" Lu Jianjun replied hastily and tried to think of some reason as he walked out of the closet into their room but his negligence and delayed answer was causing Li Na her honor to be in the drab she couldn't take it as lightly as Lu Jianjun had made it seem.

"Then it must be that you don't know who am I?" she followed back to the room her crisp voice demanded a valid justification.

"I didn't mean to degrade you-" Lu Jianjun stopped mid-sentence and breathed deeply, her cold expressions are making it hard for him to speak. She waited for him to speak but he just stood there.

Intolerant towards his prolonged silence, Li Na said cuttingly, "Lu Jianjun, Would you endure it yourself, if I called you as Little Tiger's financier or a money provider when someone asks? Would be absolutely fine with it?"

"I don't care..." he murmured unthinkingly until she said the next sentence and its meaning drawn into him.

"Which only limits your importance in Little Tiger's life and denies your honest position in his life."

He threw the towel on the sofa. "The Doctor was an outsider and I don't want to reveal..." Lu Jianjun ought to explain but again stop with some reservation, his frown deepening.

She said calmly, "So what!? She was no random outsider, she was Little Tiger's personal Doctor. If you would have asked, she would have kept our truth a secret. And In my view, personal doctors are capable of doing that."

Lu Jianjun's jaw clenched obstinately. "I don't take such risk of trust when anything that involves Little Tiger's past comes into question especially if it includes the revelation of his mother," he replied firmly looking straight in her deep eyes.

"And why is that?" she queried with mounting anger, furious to know as a mother she has no standings in the personal life of Little Tiger forget about going public with that title.

There was utter silence for so long that Li Na thought Lu Jianjun would walk out of the room dodging the question but Lu Jianjun stood his ground. 

"It's complicated!" he answered in a small voice. 

"Alright then, tell me! I'll handle the complications," she urged, though highly disappointed by the acknowledgment of her allotted place.

"No, you can not...and you don't even need to know why!" he said ruthlessly, and added, as she was speak, "let's just end it here and if you don't like to be called a caretaker then feel free to decide on yourself, but you choose anything except been called Little Tiger's mother." he cleared his stance and was about to turn and walk away.

"And if I insist on been called his mother...what will you do?" her words were not a challenge but a warning that feared no consequence so whatsoever as it only talks about her dominance when it came to Little Tiger. For Lu Jianjun, this realization came over as a nasty shock and a fit of lofty anger roared in his eyes.

"Then be ready to get married, you have to be my wife first before you claim to be his mother for others..." he declared. 

Li Na turned white and stilled instantly, and in a flash, the space between them turned thick with chilling silence. Her gaze on him turned icy. "What kind of bullshit is this?"

Lu Jianjun knew how irrational it must be for Li Na to consider his proposal as he witnesses the searing contempt in those startling eyes, but in his regard, it is a total necessity. "It's a conditional test I've for you to prove-"

Hostile, Li Na raised her brow and replied straightforward. "Seems like you've forgotten that I already refused to be your wife, and about being Little Tiger's mother you can not deny it forever. Someday this truth has to be acknowledged....why not now!"

A freezing cold spread rapidly through Lu Jianjun's chest. Somewhere in his mind, he'd always dreaded the possibility of such a future. Where the secret of that fateful night was to have come into the limelight. As he knows finding Li Na and Little Tiger's relationship, any sane mind would question the time and period of her pregnancy. Such questions can easily lead to more questions whose answers won't be easy because just acknowledging Li Na to be Little Tiger's mother with no proper excuse to cover the act would create a scandal of a massive disaster. 

No, he couldn't let the shadow of his past's mistake be the foundation of a traumatic future for Little Tiger ahead in his life. Obviously, he could dismiss them for now but unsatisfied questions will follow Little Tiger and they will always see his existence under skepticism. Tragic life, tragic childhood... He can never let that happened to Little Tiger.

Lu Jianjun remained silent for a while, then in a subdued tone, he said, " I don't want anyone to know our past,"

"What past?" she heartlessly questioned him, obviously not finding him purely innocent in any way. Whatever she'd known of Li Na's past was nauseating enough to talk, but that doesn't mean she has no future to rectify it. She can not live while covering those shadows of dirty past all her life carrying its burden on her when truth has to be revealed one day.

Unsettled, Lu Jianjun looked down at her with a troubled gaze for a few seconds. Then frustration spiked in his eyes again and said in a low voice as he turned his face away from her, "It's not easy to explain how you got pregnant?" 

Li Na's expression clouded with tension. Does he want to hide it forever? But why...

Trying to get a grip on the situation, Li Na wanted to hear the truth from Lu Jianjun as his reluctance on the topic was only fueling the wild doubt regarding the happenings, "Why? You were drunk, I was paranoiac but willing to sleep with you then...what's wrong?" The quite apathy and meanness in the words almost forced him to step back as he stood frozen. 

Looking at the appalled man, Li Na still didn't showed any mercy to give him benefit of the doubt and continued, "Or Have you committed a crime? And it was not mutually consented?"

Her last questions sent a potent jolt of anger through Lu Jianjun...which reminded him of all his uncertainties in this matter, the shocks he had suffered so far seemed insignificantly disturbing in parallel to things that had happened five years ago between them.

She closely watched the unsettling shift in his eyes. He doesn't know for himself, Li Na realized in utter disbelief.

"I don't want to talk about it..."Lu Jianjun whispered unthinkingly and spun around to return to his room with a grim expression. Cause it just heavily dawns onto him like a hazy blow on realizing it was the truth. He never wants to talk about that night. 

Li Na looked at his retreating back thoughtfully for some moments, thinking of Little Tiger, and the reluctance shown by Lu Jianjun in this matter. There is only one thing she could think of, Lu Jianjun dreaded to unmask the truth. But why? It is either for his own image or it must be for Little Tiger's sake... but what about her. She wants the truth...what all Guo Jie had told her tonight before fainting before her was just a cruel glimpse of it. Brothel!? Li Na had a life in a brothel before she meets Guo Jie in prison. 

Li Na looked at the innocent child asleep on the bed.

There are many layers of truth in their life each contains its own unbearable tragedy. One among them was her personal truth. What effect would it have once revealed?

Little Tiger had always held a strange appeal to himself against her like some supernatural force pulling her towards him, and at the moment, he appeared irresistible sleeping peacefully on the bed. 

It was an offensive fact to accept that this body of Li Na is not his real mother she'd occupied it like an empty vessel, it would be truly heartbreaking to admit it to the boy. She would never confess the fact ever if she had the choice. But she doubted the working of life, the thing you fear the most actually manifests itself before you first. Because truth can not be hidden only delayed. No one would be able to tolerate it, not even Little Tiger, she wonders how will he react knowing her truth.

Would he be as understanding if he learned the ultimate secret? Or he will treat her as the cause of the death of his real mother?

But the secret was seeping into her heart now like a toxic liquid, and the urge to confess it and be free of its suffocation was getting heavier with each second she spent worrying for the boy. What does the future hold for her with such an unbelieving happening of transmigration of life? Who would believe it and trust her? In her view, no sane person would do either, believe or trust...she knows that for sure. Even if believed who would accept it wholly...

Li Na swallowed hard, dreadful to step any closer to the boy with such distressing thoughts racing her mind.

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