307 Venting and the Artis

Due to how impossible it was for him to hold dog leashes and give a piggyback ride at the same time, Zixu unleashed the dogs. They followed by the side obediently for now, but Yujia could only hope that a rabbit wouldn't appear out of nowhere again.

"It's fine. Are you sure that you won't get tired?" she answered, eyebrows knitted.

"You're incredibly light," he assured. "I'm just concerned that it's not comfortable. I don't want to worsen your ankle injury."

She leaned in a little closer. "Don't worry too much."

The two of them were closer than ever now. She could see all the strands of hair on the back of his head, brushed up to make a simple top-knot. The thought that she could just lean forward and press a kiss on his cheek made Yujia's face heat up.

"Yu Zixu," she immediately blurted, to distract her thoughts, "thank you."

"Between the two of us, there's no need to say things like 'thank you,' don't you think?"

"It's a habit. Habits die hard," she retorted.

Zixu gave a small chuckle. "Alright."

There was a brief second of silence. Yujia thought about how Zixu was carrying her right now, arriving at the realization that she was incredibly lucky to have him by her side like this. He was caring, gentle, and all-around just lovely. 

Although she realized just how lucky she was, during these moments where she should've felt perfectly content with life, moments like these also brought out feelings of worry in her heart. 

She wondered if she was good enough for him. These worries inevitably rose up in most of her current relationships. She felt grateful for having all of them by her side, yet the darker parts of her thoughts always carried the concern of if she really deserved all of this.

In her first life, in the modern-day, she had been so alone. In this second life, she had put forth every effort to correct her past mistakes, making as many friends as she could. Nevertheless, these worries were still ever-so-present, lurking in the most concealed areas of her thoughts.

And so, in a moment like this, where her doubts were brought forth again, she really wanted to talk about it. It was unhealthy to keep them forever buried down— even she could acknowledge that.

"Can I rant to you for a moment?" she ended up asking Zixu, pursing her lips.

"Anytime." He looked back as well as he could, and at this sudden turn, Yujia leaned back a few degrees.

She faltered for just a second, wondering if she should speak the words that were resting on her tongue. Then, she decided that she had to. She could trust Zixu.

He paused, silent for just a moment.

Seeing his silence, Yujia immediately added on, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that— it's just my first time being in a relationship, so I have no idea what I'm doing and—"

"Don't be sorry," Zixu cut in. Slowly, he replied with an answer to her past question, "I like you for many reasons. You're brave, witty, creative, and incredibly talented in the arts. Do I look like someone who's interested in flower arrangements?"

Yujia thought back to how she stuck a flower in Zixu's hair, holding back a laugh. "Yes."

"Be serious." She couldn't see his face, but she imagined him rolling his eyes. "The most important thing for me is that someone who I choose to spend the rest of my life with either enjoys or supports my interests. Imagine if you had no interest in art, only knowing things like arranging flowers or preparing tea. How boring would our conversations be?"

Thinking about the sheer amount of conversations they had because of just art, Yujia realized that he had a point.

"In all honesty, I'm just as doubtful as you are," Zixu admitted.

"You are?" Her eyes widened.

Zixu stopped in his steps. "Of course. I've never been in a relationship before. I'm not some flirtatious and flamboyant man."

"I bet you had a lot of admirers."

"Even so, I've only ever had eyes for you."

Yujia laughed, tilting her chin down.

He began walking again, going on, "As I was saying, though, I have the same worries. I don't know if I'm doing things right or behaving the right way. It's as much as your first time as it is mine, so I think that it's perfectly justified that we have these worries. Thank you for opening up to me about this. I'm not sure how I would've communicated this to you if it weren't for the fact that you brought up the topic."

"Hey," she interjected, "weren't you the one who told me that there's no need to say 'thanks'?"

Zixu stopped in his steps again. 

Very slowly, he replied, "It's a habit. Habits die hard."

"You're stealing my words!" she cried out.

He laughed. "I'm simply 'borrowing,' not stealing."

"It's not borrowing if you never asked for my permission."

Turning his head so that she saw the profile view of his face, he looked at her through the corner of his eye and said, "Then, Miss Yang Yujia, may I formally request for your authorization to borrow your words involving the topic of habits?"

"Yes." She giggled.

"I thought so," he said with a grin, turning to look ahead again.

Just like that, the two continued on their journey through the woods. Nothing had really changed on the outside. Zixu was still carrying her; her ankle was still stiff and painful; the dogs were carelessly trotting ahead.

Yet on the inside, her heart felt much calmer. Without her realization, a small smile had crept onto her lips.