Chapter 82 - I Don't Like Complicated Things

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Her two pale, rapid-moving lips uttered their words of sorrow.

She spoke and spoke … she could only speak.

The princess and Calming were talking.

Her emotions were strong. She was weak. But trying to match their level of strength, she didn't waver one bit.

Her heavy heart opened.

Why should she do all that?

Why should she be the one sacrificing herself?

Did it even mean anything in the first place?

And her high-pitched, panic voice still was yelling and yelling.

And she repeated: why should she do all that?

For the sake of her people?

Calming had referred to their people as 'hers,' telling herself they needed her.

Could they even be considered her people at this point?

All of them, they'd just betrayed her.

All of them, yes.

She meant it: all of them.

Be it him who had failed her as a guardian and protector; her people who had let her father down at the most critical moment; the soldiers' disloyalty, cowardice and incoordination during the war … and so much more.

So much went wrong.

So much went wrong.

And so much went wrong again.

She had to repeat that, it seemed. Three times.

And yet she hadn't been resentful one bit. Not once she'd thought she'd just be better off leaving them all, and just be done with them all.

Everything went wrong.

Everything just did go wrong. And she couldn't do a damn thing about it. No, she couldn't. As frustrated as she could've been, she just couldn't do a thing.

Nobody actually could.

Yeah, nobody could just do that.

Or so she thought, because at some point, I got to chime in on their complex conflict.

All she'd said beforehand, it was just about who she was before I chimed in on their whole feud.

I'd given it a change.

Because I let her change.

I was her change.

And, err … I was the same as her, too, she said.

Hm.

What was she on about?

Developing her idea, "And that's why I will…" she said before cutting herself short.

"But this isn't my poi--point with you, no," she continued, still stuttering a little bit.

That's why she would … what?

Did it pick my interest?

You bet it did.

I was totally in on discovering what her … plan was?

Anyway, just like she said, it wasn't her point.

Taking up where she left off: she'd been betrayed by everyone--And yet she has to sacrifice herself for them?

For everyone?

Would she do that?

Just go and throw herself into the lion's den.

And be the plaything of the True Demon Lord ruling over all his evil factions he'd assembled.

Of course she wouldn't, right?

That's what I thought she'd continue on with, telling Calming she wouldn't just do that, they didn't deserve it, and as such, it was every man for himself.

But hey, I was wrong assuming that.

Hell, if this was just a matter of doing that, she'd have gladly done it, she insisted upon that.

Still going about throwing one hand to her left, the other to the right, extending her arms as she explained, and clenching her tiny trembling fists into balls as she regretted … gosh, at some point she even had tears running down her cheeks.

Their internal feud wasn't really anything to scoff at, right? I didn't know much about it, but just from looking at this, "Heh…"

She continued and continued: if it was just a point of sacrificing herself, she'd have still done it, even though her people didn't deserve it.

A sacrifice wasn't something you did out of desire for fairness, being driven by such thoughts as fair justice and righteousness--It was something you did with your heart, and only your heart.

She'd do it, and that'd just be about what a sacrifice is supposed to be. Throwing herself into the lion's den wouldn't just scare her away, even though still kind of a bit.

Was it called 'bravery'?

Surely, it was.

This little elve was being brave.

It was beautiful, and Calming knew and didn't expect her to do any of the contrary.

His face was eased when he heard that--But to his surprise, there was more to it than just that.

Though he didn't know that. And so he just agreed with her, letting her know he hadn't doubted any of her good intentions.

And this was supposed to be his plan ever since the beginning.

He had gotten something wrong.

Will she do any of that?

'They' only wanted the princess. They only needed herself. And that'd be it.

That was what they'd promised, she insisted, asking with her trembling lips, her hoarse voice, and her red cheeks.

Calming only nodded. As painful as it may have been to him, he just did that. He wasn't just unshaken by this either.

Though his stance didn't and wouldn't change: as they didn't have any other available viable options--trading one life for thousands and thousands of others, that's what he'd do.

But she had to disagree with him.

Was that what the Demon Lords Alliance promised? Surely, it was.

What had they also promised in the past?

Many other promises were made in the past.

Not crossing the Uda river to the West during the last conflict with the fairy clan.

The ceasing the war and handing over the soldiers and this and that time.

Some things about not crossing this or that frontier.

Some other pact concerning a truce after the war had been thought to have reached its climax, too.

Well, I didn't understand any of that, either. But it seemed the princess was just enumerating the past and its problems.

Proving Calming wrong was her point.

They betrayed it. They betrayed all their promises. Why would they be upright with this last one promise, then?

And she just went on enumerating all the incoherences in Calming's plan.

"That's why!

"You don't just say that, Laerd!

"Your plan will never work!

"You're just desperate about saying our people--But--But…!

"There is just no way any of this is going anywhere!

"What did my father--your king!--always said about our enemies?"

'Mefiant as wolves and fierce as bears dealing with their enemy. Cordial as deers and hearty as foxes dealing with their friends and families.'

Her father the king often times spoke these words, she said.

He didn't certainly teach this way of life--

Calming protested. Briefly, what he said was: what about the death of everyone then?

"The way I see it, Laerd the Intelligent, our people either die with honor even when weak and prideful even when humiliated and disgraced!

"Or either die like the weak people they've decided on acting like."

Calming fell silent again.

Her tears still running and flowing down her two red cheeks, she yelled again, "I'm scared of all this!"

"Everyone is just trying to take advantage of my ignorance!"

And that was yet another point of the princess.

Just taking himself, for example, why hadn't he only been upfront and honest with her ever since the beginning?

And shaking her head, wiping her tears off of her face, she just further emphasized her stance, "I'm so scared…!"

What she also couldn't believe was the fact they, all of 'her' people, willing to hand her over to their enemies when they know and are well acquainted with their intentions towards her.

Her tears didn't stop. She sobbed, and sobbed.

And Calming in all this?

He wasn't untouched by this.

He was far from being untouched, let me tell you.

One hell of a frown was to be put on his complexion. His two brows knitted and his lips started to tremble too.

What was he mumbling to himself?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Well, I couldn't really hear from there without buckling down to the task.

Guessing what the man was pitifully muttering under his breath, telling his own self about words of lamentations, I just had to remember the way he talked to me when I was the princess.

Though his expression was indeed a less sorrowful expression, there still was much sadness hanging up on his face.

And his usual speech, when he either confused or thought he could address himself to his princess, was always a chorus of 'sorrys' and 'We don't have any other alternatives'; all of which mingled up with his usual silent mumbling and muttering.

And so, right now, facing the princess, his eyes cast downwards, "I'm sorry … our people don't … it's for their sake … one life isn't thousands of others…"

That's about what he must've been saying.

And in the end, I guess both of them had their reason to act their way.

Life sure is complicated, sometimes.

Complicated things were about life. And life was about complicated things itself.

Me? I don't like complicated things.

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