Chapter 242 - Pretending

Delaney paced back and forth in their bedroom.  Angry tears were hot in her eyes but she was trying to keep herself from crying.  There were still a few tears that betrayed her though and slipped down her cheeks.

She didn't understand how her husband could be so cruel.  How could he love her so much and still be so set on separating them?  He wanted her to be able to have everything in her life, including children, but he didn't understand she didn't want them if it would cost them their life together.  He just didn't understand.

When the bell announcing lunch rang she didn't budge.  She was still angry and didn't feel up to facing Vincent yet.  She ate alone but eventually did leave their room, careful to avoid any rooms her husband might be in.  When it was time for dinner she still didn't go down so Vincent ate alone in the large dinning room.

He wanted to go to her a dozen times that day but knew she was very angry with him.  The anger was justified.  Had their places been reversed he would have been furious with her.  He also didn't know what to say and he hated seeing her hurt.

After he'd eaten and finished his work for the day there was no more avoiding her.  Delaney had already given up and gone back to their bedroom as well, knowing she would have to face him now.

Delaney had gotten out of her dress and into her nightgown early.  When her husband quietly came into their room she was already sitting in bed reading.  Or at least pretending to.  She made sure not to look up at him or greet him at all.

Vincent didn't try to speak to her yet.  He called for Harris to help him and got out of his clothes.  His normally cheerful friend could feel the tensoin in the air as soon as he walked in the room so he was quick to get done and leave again.

At last, Delaney and Vincent were alone.

Vincent stood beside the bed in only a pair of dark breeches.  He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed.  He looked over at her with sad green eyes and she made sure not to let herself look back towards him.  She was still angry with him and wasn't going to simply forgive him now.  She couldn't look at him though because seeing him hurt already melted her heart.

He dropped down onto the bed, propped up against the pillows and stared straight ahead at the wall in front of them.

"Delaney I know you're furious with me... but if you just try to understand..."

"I understand," she snapped, cutting him off, "You've made your feelings clear.  If I'm not pregnant in a month you're cutting your ties to me."

Vincent turned to her frowning now, "That's not at all what I'm trying to do.  I just want you to be happy."

"I'm happy here with you," she slammed her book closed and turned to look at him at last, "Don't you understand that?  How can you not see that being here with you is enough for me?  Our love and our life together is enough for me.  I'm happy here with you."

He rubbed the back of his neck and dropped his gaze from hers.

"Delaney I... I've never been more happy in my life than I have been with you.  I never would have imagined I could love you like I do.  But my love I... I love you so much that I want you to have absolutely everything life has to offer you... even if it means I can't have you."

"Vincent I..."

"Wait," he stopped her, shaking his head.  He reached for her hand but she pulled it away, still angry with him.  She saw in his eyes the pain her action had caused him but she couldn't help the frustration bubbling inside her.

He swallowed, "Can we please not... not argue about this?  Not now.  If this ends up being our last month together my love I don't want to spend it fighting with you."

"What do you expect me to do Vincent?  Just pretend everything is going to be alright?"

He dropped his gaze, "I suppose so... but it's not pretending for me.  I believe everything is going to be fine.  Even if I lose you I know you'll end up happy somewhere and that... that brings me a sort of peace."

Delaney frowned at him with an icy cold gaze.

"I think you're being a fool," she hissed, "And unrealistic.  I don't believe I will be happy without you.  You are my heart.  And I thought I was yours but honestly Vincent after all of this I think I was wrong.  I must just love you a lot more than you love me because I'm not willing to just leave you."

"That's not true," he tried, "Delaney I..."

"I'm tired and I'm going to sleep now.  I don't want to talk to you about this anymore."

Without waiting for him to reply she leaned over and put out the candles on her side of the bed.  She rolled over on her side with her back to him.

"Good night."

Vincent stared at her form so far away on her side of the bed.  She always slept curled up with him and he had come to realize it was one of his favorite things about being married.  He knew she was angry now though and he couldn't expect her to behave as if she wasn't.

"Good night my love," he sighed, and put out the candles on his side of the bed as well.

The room fell into darkness then except the dancing light of the fire in the fireplace and the moonlight through the tall windows.  Vincent stared up at the ceiling he couldn't even make out in the darkness as his mind poured over everything.

He hated that he was hurting his wife.  She was the person he loved most and he knew he would have to break her heart.  He wished that there was another way but there wasn't.

Even in the warm spring air his skin felt hot and his body ached.  Everywhere the marks appeared on his skin felt like hot coals.  He closed his eyes as he felt his own anger begin to bubble up inside him.

He wished he could go back in time to the war and the day he'd run out to fight the dragon.  He wished he had done something, anything, different that would have ended with him not being destroyed like this.

It wasn't fair.  It wasn't fair that he had saved everyone and in the process had lost everything.  He had lost his chance at a long happy life.  All he had was this year.  This one year falling in love with Delaney.  Now all he had left was this one month.

A cool hand lightly touched his arm, making him jump.  He looked over and saw that while he had been lost in thought his wife had rolled over and scooted closer to him.  He could even in the dim light that she had been crying.  He turned on his side and pulled her in close until their heads were sharing a pillow and he was able to look into her eyes.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you," he replied, "and I promise Delaney I love you just as much as you love me.  I promise."

"I know," she nodded, "I'm sorry I said that.  I was just angry and... and it's just not fair."

"I'm sorry," he replied, "I wish things were different.  I wish I could fix things and..."

"Shhh," she cut him off with a small smile despite the tears sparkling in her eyes, "We're going to pretend everything is going to be alright remember?  One month."

He looked at her in surprise, "Really?  We-We can do that?"

"I don't want to waste any time fighting with you either... but I'm still mad at you so you know."

"I can accept that," he smiled, feeling relief sweep over him, "Everything is going to be alright.  You're going to be happy."

"I don't want to talk about the future," she added quickly, "But we can pretend for now that things are going to be fine."

Vincent nodded before moving forward to kiss her.  As he did so she wrapped her arms around him and he did the same.

Delaney and Vincent kissed and then he held her in his arms until she fell asleep back in her place against his chest.  He smiled into the darkness as he felt the comforting weight of her against him.  If he wasn't going to have many months left, at least he could spend his one last month with his wife in happiness.

She was going to be alright.  He just had to remind himself if he started to get upset.  She was going to be fine.