Chapter 240 - I Hate This

Once Miles and Cora were gone, Delaney didn't hurry to go back in and find her husband.  Instead, she sat down on the stone steps outside and tried to build up the courage to face him.  Looking down at her skirt she was surprised to see dark drops of blood staining the lavender fabric.  She hadn't noticed it earlier.

Vincent had been so angry.  When he shouted at them like that, for a moment, he had reminded her of her father.  Once her mother was gone it seemed like her father was always either sad or angry.  He would lash out at her and the servants just like Vincent had lashed out at her and Miles.

Her mind wandered back to when she had first seen Vincent at the hospital after the war.  He had yelled at them and thrown something at Miles.  It had been then that she had first felt afraid of her husband.  She was afraid of him because his actions had been an echo of her father's and she never wanted to live through that again.

She had tried to explain her fears to others but she knew they had always just assumed she was making something up to cover for the fact she didn't want to marry him because of his appearance.  True that that had been part of it.  She hadn't been able to see yet how incredibly handsome Vincent was even with his scars.  Now she saw it though and knew there wasn't another man alive as attractive as him.

Her father had been handsome too but that hadn't made his anger any better.  Every time Vincent had an angry outburst like the one earlier she had a flash of fear that she had been right and now he would turn into someone angry like her father.  She couldn't imagine living like that again.  It would be awful.  Especially now that she was so madly in love with her husband.

With a sigh, Delaney got to her feet.  She knew she needed to get her dress off and get it to Ms. Bird to wash before the blood stains set and it was ruined.  Inside the manor it was silent.  The servants were well aware of their master's anger and had made themselves scarce.  She almost wished she could do the same and just go hide out in another room.

Technically she could.  There were enough bedrooms in Edgewood she could sleep in a different one every night of the month.  Vincent would still be there though.  There was no escaping her husband and she knew she didn't want to.  She just needed to face him and see if he was still angry.  If he was, she could try to find out why.  If he wasn't, maybe they could just move on and put it behind them.

Climbing the stairs to their bedroom, Delaney's heart was beating fast.  She was nervous.  If he was still angry he might yell at her for even coming into their room.

She paused outside the door, her hand on the handle, and took a deep breath, working to steady her nerves.  At last, she pushed the door open and stepped inside.

In the middle of their bedroom sat the enormous tub filled with steaming, soapy water.  Vincent leaned against the back of it, an arm resting along the edge on each side.  His hair was wet and slicked back off his face.  He didn't move but his dark green eyes met hers before she dropped her gaze.

Delaney stood awkwardly against the door after she closed it.  She didn't know what to say or where to go.  His expression hadn't given her any clue how he was feeling and she didn't want to make anything worse.

"Delaney?"

His voice was quiet and her eyes snapped up to his.  He didn't say anything else but held out a hand to her.

She felt relief and she hurried to him, taking his hand.  He lifted it to his lips and gently pressed kisses against her knuckles.

"Come in with me," he murmured against her skin before letting her hand go.

Delaney reached behind her back and untied the ribbons there.  Slowly she pulled off her clothes, letting them fall to the floor around her.  Naked, she stepped into the steaming water and her husband pulled her down into his lap.

He was quiet and her eyes floated over his face, following the marks that now reached the other side.  She looked at his dark rosy lips and then over his strong jaw.  Her eyes followed the muscles in his neck until they reached his broad shoulders.  Then her eyes drifted over his arm until they caught on the dark black stitches sewn into his tan skin.  Blood was still seeping out of the cut and mixing with the water on his arm to slide down and over the outside wall of the tub.

She turned back until her eyes met his again.

"I'm sorry," he said softly, "I shouldn't have talked to you as I did."

Delaney dropped her gaze to his scarred chest, "I'm sorry if... if I said anything..."

"You didn't," he cut her off, "You didn't do anything wrong.  You are my wife and you have every right to be concerned if you see me get injured.  I was just... I was just angry."

"Why?" she asked, meeting his eyes again, "I don't understand what made you so angry."

Vincent sighed and looked out across their bedroom, not focusing on anything in particular.

"I've never lost to Miles with swords in all our lives... Not ever... and then today the pain from my wounds was getting worse and worse but I thought I could push through it... Then my arm just... just gave out."

"Has that happened before?" she asked quietly.

He nodded but didn't look at her.

"A few times since war... You've seen it happen with my leg.  It's the same thing.  The pain just gets too strong and I guess the muscles give up."

Delaney bit her lip.  She wasn't sure what to say to this or if he even wanted her to say anything.  She decided to stay silent.

"I hate that I'm weak," he continued quietly, a frown creasing his brow, "I hate that I can't fight like I used to or run or even so much as walk sometimes.  I hate that I've become this person that needs others to take care of him... I never would have been like this if it wasn't for this damned poison.  I never wanted to live like this..."

Delaney dropped her gaze to his chest again, feeling her heart ache for him.

"I... I'm sorry you can't do all the things you did before... But my love you are different now.  In many ways, you're better than you were before."

"Not in any way that matters."

"That's not true," she shook her head, "Vincent you are a better man now than you were before.  I know it.  You were a good man yes but now you're even more than that.  I fell in love with this man."

"I am glad you love this version of me Delaney but I hate it.  I hate living like this.  I hate being stuck in this broken, horribly painful body.  I hate looking at myself in a mirror and seeing a monster looking back at me.  And every day it's getting worse!"

His words grew louder as his anger grew.  He clenched his fists and pressed them hard against the walls of the tub.

"Shh," Delaney whispered and took his face in her hands, turning it to face her, "Please don't say those things, my love.  You're just hurt and angry right now.  You've pushed yourself so hard lately and now your body is suffering because of it."

"I'm not just saying this because I'm angry.  I..."

"Please," she cut him off, her voice desperate, "Miles and Cora left so now we can do what we've been waiting for.  We can spend days locked away together in bed.  You can rest and let yourself recover.  We can stay this way for as long as you want and then you'll see.  After a few days, you'll feel so much better and everything else will seem better.  You're just in pain and angry right now."

Vincent frowned and stared at her.  So many things were flashing through his mind to say to her to prove she was wrong.  He could tell her about the increasing pain or the marks growing even more.  He could tell her about the poison making his skin feel hotter now than it had when they were first married.  He could even tell her what his doctor in the city had told him when he had first been injured and confirmed later when he went back after she asked him to.

He wouldn't though.  It would only hurt her and none of this was her fault.  She was right that he was angry.  His anger was making him lash out again as he had earlier after he was injured.  He needed to stop now before he did or said something that would truly hurt her and he couldn't take back.

Taking a deep breath, slowly he nodded and relaxed.

"You're probably right," he said quietly, "I do need some rest, and spending days in bed with you will be the perfect thing to make me feel better."

Delaney gave him a small smile but he could still see the worry in her eyes.  He leaned forward then and kissed her soft, plump lips.

"I love you," he said to her, "Everything is going to be alright."